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Tuesday, November 29, 2011
my left eye is red and now im a vampire - Feorin

i've been infront of the screen 24/7.
the result is, my left eye becomes red.
and now im feeling super dizzy.

the air is hot and it feels like there's no space for me to breathe.
im tired and i need to sleep but there's no place for me to sleep.

i think im going to fall sick.
i hate this holiday the most.

i've got completely nothing to do except being infront of the screen.
it feels like im in a cage.
this is not the freedom that i've always wanted.

[this is my main family's Facebook]

the thing is, how in the hell did they find my page?
are they reading my blog?
if yes, then i think i'll be judged again.

humans have no rights to judge humans.
since im getting like really dizzy right now, i'll stop my rantings here.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Monday, November 28, 2011
i am one of the Vongola Family.

finished watching Katekyoushi Hitman Reborn in less than one week.
with that, i am super sad.

everytime i finished watching an anime, i'll feel empty.
it's like i dont want it to finish but i want to see the happy ending.

so i am all sad right now.
my holiday is completely meaningless because im too addicted with that anime.
i even considered myself as one of the Vongola Family.
[if you haven't watch the anime yet, you wouldn't know what im talking about]

[this is my new territory. beautiful scenery]

[i am officially one of the Vongola Family]

another wasted day.
all i remember about today is i woke up and im gonna go to sleep later.

anyway, i made a cosplay yesterday.
i saw Lowong's "experiment coat".
so i tried it on and i looked like a freaking scientist/doctor.
either way.

i looked more mature like that but there's one thing that i forgot.
[i realised that i forgot about it just now]


[if you happen to see the bottles behind me, i didnt drink them ok]

mind you, this one is a real thing.
it's my aunt's.
yeah, she's a doctor.

i really could hear my heartbeats but that thing [i dont know its name] is very tight.
if you wear it, your ears will be somewhat gripped tightly.

you know that i could easily replace you.
but you should really be grateful because the fact is, i didn't.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Sunday, November 27, 2011
another complain for a hideous SECURITY.

my blog has turned into somewhat a ranting and complaining blog.
it should be an inspiring blog too all of the teenagers out there but....
anyway! im gonna tell you how depressing my morning for today is.

last night i went to sleep at 12AM and woke up at 10AM.
overall, i slept for 10 hours and my head is dizzy as hell.
that's the reason of why im in such a bad mood today.

so i went to take a bath and asked my mom to send me to the library.
she did. but with some conditions that i wont bother telling you.
as soon as i arrived at there, hoping that i'll found my peace there, as i tried to open the door,
there was a hideous sign "CLOSED".

really, bitch? really?
why the library is CLOSED when today's not a holiday for them?
tell me why.

i quickly called my mom and she told me to walk to her place, which was near the main road.
i was sweating, the Sun was blazing through my skin and now im a happy black girl.

while i was walking, there's this one freaking hideous security was trying to harass me sexually.
he's getting on my nerves, plus i was in a very bad mood.
so i scold him "Pengawal pun mau mengurat ka?!"
his face has turned somewhat sour but he forced a smile.
i wasn't satisfied yet so i said, "Buat kerja tu bagus-bagus. Kau fikir ko kena bagi gaji untuk apa."

i almost said "Sial" but im thankful that i didn't.
my words should stay polite but heart-striking.

if you think that im one of those girls who cant defend themselves, then you're completely WRONG and dumbass.

mind you, this is NOT the first time for a SECURITY to sexually harass me.
what has happened to this world?
what's the main point of hiring a security if they didn't do their job properly?

their job is to PROTECT, not to HARASS.
what the heck is your problem?

if you dont want to be security, then sucks to be you.
that's what you get when you didn't study hard.

dear children, make sure you study hard.
if you don't, you'll end up being a WORTHLESS person just like that security.

man i am in such a bad mood.
wanna try me?

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Saturday, November 26, 2011
things wont be the same anymore no matter how much you try.

my holiday is such a BORE lately.
there's really nothing to tell.
i know you guys are getting bored reading this freaking blog.
[i doubt you're even reading this]

but i have a good news for today.

it's the FIRST time in this year for my little bro to CRY.
you might've been wondering why and im not gonna tell you why.
[apparently, the reason is because of me]
[[it's only considered a good news for a bad person like me]]
[[[which actually im not a bad person]]]
[[[[im kind at heart]]]]
[[[[[like really kind that it'll make you cry]]]]]
[[[[[[now i got the idea that my lil bro cried because im too kind-hearted]]]]]]

okay snap it out already.

the way he cried was so damn cute.
i couldn't even describe because it was so HAHA.

back to the main topic about my holiday is a bore.

YES my holiday is a total BORE.
i dont even know what should i do.
im STUCK in this house.

they wont let me out because every morning im the only one who'll clean up this super little shop.
seriously, it's not fun to take care of this lil shop anymore since we couldn't install the iCafe Client that'll control those computer.
so i'll need to write down the customer's time [which is super LAME] and im more likely a time keeper.

the reason of why we couldn't install that client is, everytime we tried to open the client, it'll automatically shut down.
enough talking about this since you're getting bored already.

since im stuck in this freaking house, my holiday is completely MEANINGLESS.
it makes me want to bang my head to the wall.

i want to go somewhere far away from this town.
my village, again?

im smiling right now because time flies so fast.
[i've been telling you this for the !@#$%^&th time already]
it's been a year, huh.
i suddenly got the urge to go to my village.

im bored im bored im bored im bored im bored.
bored bored bored bored.

BTW, im addicted watching this anime called Katekyoushi Hitman Reborn.
i watched this anime long time ago but during that time, there were no newest episode yet.
luckily this year, there were 190+++ episodes!

im super addicted with animes and mangas.
it's been decided that im gonna watch this anime everyday and after that i'll watch Bleach.

im gonna waste my day and get fat.
get fat until everybody hates me.
including you.

and now my lil bro is completely ignoring me.
which means im gonna tease him more!

if you're following my Twitter, you'll know that i've been camwhoring with my dad's lappy webcam recently.
since i've got nothing to say, im gonna show 'em to you.

actually i got lots of thing to say.
but it's just the same damn thing with different words.
i mean, i would like to tell you guys about this.
but of course you guys are only CURIOUS.
it's not that you CARE.

so let's forget about it and continue with the damn pictures.

[at first he refused to take pictures]

[i forced him to]

[doing attempt to kiss him]

it's been a long time my lil bro didn't kiss my cheek!
when he was 5 years old, he used to kiss my cheek everyday.
now, not anymore. and never again.

HUHUHU im kind of frustrated [not].
but seriously.


[finally he'd like to take pictures with me]

[this one is candid. a customer called me while i was camwhoring]

now i know i looked very INTENSE and serious if i didnt smile.
no wonder people always think that im angry even though im really not.

[it feels like i havent used a calculator for ages]

[showing of my nails. well, i made them by myself]

life is better without you.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Thursday, November 24, 2011
the difference between the dumbass and the person who can think.

i know i shouldn't bring up this matter because it'll make me look very childish.
but since that matter has already considered as a part of my life, i have my rights to blog about it.
i need to tell you guys that my attitude is NOT the same with a first grader's anymore.
that's the main point of this post.

one day, i Logged In my Facebook account and noticed that my friends tagged me in one of their comments.
i am very thankful that they tagged me because if they didn't, i would not know that this girl is talking shit about me.

back to the story.
so i viewed the comments and found out that this little pest really pissed me off.

[btw, im sorry Amirah for not cropping your name. i figured that it's easier to read like this :D]

first of all, she MENTIONED my name first.
girl, nobody mentioned it before you.
so we can conclude that you're the one who started all of these.

why would you go around and ask people, "So you're going to meet Feo again, huh."
why? tell me why.
from my point of view, it seems like you dont want her to meet me.

you dont want my old friends to meet me once again.

[Her : Oh nooooo! Feo was tagged!]

she said it's because i bullied her.
[i believe she deleted some of her comments here after i've been tagged. COWARD.]

dear little traumatized girl, i bullied you when i was in a freaking YEAR ONE.
what do you expect from a YEAR ONE kiddo?
you expect a YEAR ONE kiddo to be more mature?
man, think logically!

and if you're DARE enough to mention my name in the first place, why would you be AFRAID that they tagged me in one of those comments?
i DOUBT that i ever hit you.
so why would you be THAT traumatized until you're afraid of me?

most important thing is, I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
maybe you're another old friend from my primary school but i DONT recognize you.
dont talk like you know me, okay.

[oh and Debbie, im sorry for not cropping your name too. it's easier to read like this :D]

she admitted that she's afraid of me or she's afraid that i'll read what she just said.
dear traumatized girl, if you dont want me to read it, that means you're trying to TALK BEHIND MY BACK.
which is a complete WRONG DECISION.
clap clap.

"Tapi dia benci si Feo"
what's your main reason for telling them that?
your main reason was to TALK SHIT about me so that people would THINK SHIT about me.

well, i dont give a freaking damn if that friend of yours hate me.
because im still as awesome as ever B-)
even better when dumbasses hate me.

"Kami golongan terpinggir saja yang kena kacau"
what's that supposed to mean?
do you mean that i'll only bully infamous person?
is that even in the same zip code as LOGIC?

anyway, im glad that you admitted you're one of the infamous people.
sucks to be you. HAHA.
no wonder i dont even know who you are.

and im sorry that i was one of the most known people at that time.

i was really pissed off and too busy to blog about this so i commented craps.

"Gurau saja ba tu yang pasal trauma tu"
are you seriously kidding me?

dear unknown girl, MY PRIDE IS NOT A JOKE.

by saying things like that, what'll people think of me?
do you even consider things like that before you talk?
or are you actually trying to make me look like im a BAD person?

second of all, you DONT know me enough to talk about me.
what you know about me is just the SEVEN YEARS OLD Feo.

are you that stupid?
honestly, you're narrow-minded.
i've said it before that i hate dumbass.

you said it was JUST MEMORIES.
didnt you said earlier that they're bad memories for you?
then why wont you admit it to me?

if you think that you're RIGHT, why dont you just CONFRONT me?
it's because you know YOU'RE WRONG.

"Tapi TQ juga la sebab sekurang-kurangnya ada juga cenderamata saya"
well, you're welcome but to be honest, i HAVE nothing for a dumbass and a narrow-minded person who was stuck in the past.

i DON'T bully people anymore because i've all GROWN UP.

i checked those comments just now and found out that that girl DELETED all of her comments about me. LAME.
too bad for you girl because i've already printed all of them. HAHA.

see the difference here?
between the DUMBASS and the person who can think?
it seems im the one who can think and you guys know who's the dumbass here.

i've made it clear enough.
im not gonna waste my time on dumbasses.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Wednesday, November 23, 2011
be grateful about that RM100

recently our kind government has given RM100 to all of the students in Malaysia.
it's very thoughtful of them since it'll will help the students to enjoy life better for holiday.
lol just kidding.

but seriously, it is very thoughtful of them considering that there are lots of students out there who couldn't afford to buy school stationaries for next year.
i can see that there are no such things like this in other countries.
the conclusion is, i am complimenting the government of Malaysia and we should be really GRATEFUL for their help.

we should stop complaining and start be grateful in every aspects of our life.
which is what im going to do right now.

in this case, im going to stop complaining about YOU.
i should stop complaining about your attitude, about what you should do and about what i expected from you.
instead, i should start keep quiet and just ENDURE all of these.

this is the best choice.
i can do this.
since i trust you, then there's no point in complaining.
im fine living with this constant pain.
[another corny asshole part of my brain]

so i would like to tell you that i went to Pasar Malam alone last night.
actually i was with my dad but i did the shopping thing and he went to a restaurant.
i bought vegetables and other necessary things.
finally, i saw two men selling cotton candies and they let me bought a big one.
[it's good to be girls sometimes]

[it's big, trust me]

i was hanging out with my bestfriend and friends today.
overall, it was fun and i get back home at 6PM.

as soon as i get back home, i found out that dad closed the little shop until i came.
so i cleaned up the little shop [with a pair of tired eyes] and do things.

i've got lots of things to tell you but gosh i am super tired!
i need to go to bath and sleep right now.

tomorrow i'll tell you about that freaking unknown girl from my primary school who still thinks that im a bully.
she told her friends on the Facebook that i've bullied her once.
her words could make people think of me as a bad person.

i admit it that i did bully kids back when i was a primary schooler.
but that was when i was a KID.

at this age of mine right now, who the heck am i going to bully?
i've all GROWN freaking UP!
for heaven's sake!

girl, your mind is too damn narrow that i want to punch you in the face.

i DON'T even recognize you.
and now you deleted all of your comments about me?
suck it biatch.

i'll keep my anger until tomorrow.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Sunday, November 20, 2011
another lesson - for safety, do NOT take a pirate taxi.

i've been wanting to tell you guys this story but those movies kept me busy.
anyway, let's proceed with my story.

im sure you guys know that everytime im going out, i'll call a taxi.
[if you dont know, then im telling you right now]

yesterday [which is Saturday], me and Anne tried calling a cab [since our house is one way, we decided to take a cab together].
we failed in calling them since they didn't pick up their phones.

we were desperate enough that we called a pirate taxi.
since that taxi picked us up right on time, we were being friendly with him.
he asked for my age - at that time i thought he was just being friendly but soon i found out i was wrong.

that night, he suddenly called me.
here goes the conversation :

Me : Hello? Kenapa?
Him : Ah hello.
Me : Ya, kenapa?
Him : Ada kawan kau yang tadi SMS ko ka?
Me : Tiada. Kenapa? Dia minta ambil kau?
Him : Tida, bukan.
Me : Ooo ba2.

i ended the call.
i thought it's either Anne asked him to pick her up or he made a wrong call.

a couple of minutes later, he called me again.
this time, i was really suspicious.
like hell would anyone made a wrong call for the second time.

Me : Hello. Kenapa?
Him : Jangan dulu kau off ba. *Suara lembut*
Me : Kenapa juga?
Him : Jangan dulu kau off. Ada sa mau tanya ba ni.
Me : Ba tanya la.
Him : Saya mau bawa kamu jalan2 ba ni.
Me : Arh? Untuk?
Him : Saja2.. Jalan2.. *Suara perogol*
Me : Oh tida la.
Him : Tida?
Me : Ya.

i ended the call as fast as i could.
i quickly texted Anne, hoping that he wont deceive her by telling that i told him to pick her up.
we freaked out together.

it was so damn scary.
we're lucky enough that he didnt kidnap us while we're in his car.

im not gonna take any PIRATE TAXI anymore!
plus the charge is a lot more expensive than a licensed taxi.

a few hours after he called me, he texted me.
he said, "Sorry ganggu kamu tadi."

who do you think you are?
do you think i would reply to your text messages?
puh-lease son of a b*tch.

this gives a lesson to me.
i deleted his contact number.
im never gonna ask him to pick us up again.
disgusting pervert middle-aged man.

this should be a lesson to you guys too.
even if you are desperate enough, dont ever take any suspicious PIRATE TAXI.
safety comes first.

imagine if while we were in the car, he poisoned us with a toxic gas.
we fell into a deep sleep and only God knows what happened to us.
but thank God we were safe.
it's not about luck, it's about Him being with us.

well, if i think about it back, his face was suspicious.
he had that evil grin on his face.
i thought it was just a "friendly smile".
the fact is, i was wrong.
it was a "pervert smile".

mesti la ba lain kalau orang begitu mau bawa jalan2 time malam2 kan?

if you dont want to be raped-get pregnant-die , then just walk away from suspicious people.
they're dangerous.

i forgot to blog about this since i was watching movies lately.
i watched The Notebook just now and the story was indeed WONDERFUL.
at the end of that movie, i was like "Dang! They really loved each other!"
you might have no idea about what im talking about so move your butt and watch it.

that movie made me thinking "Oh damn! Why I never experienced any romantic/sweet relationship before?"
in the end i came into a conclusion "Oh it's because my life is not a movie"

sucks to be me.

im going to have some romantic moments with my dearful movies.
*forever alone faced*

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Friday, November 18, 2011
18th of November - not that important anyway

currently listening to Every Avenue's Fall Apart.
i love them so much and no one shall take them away from me.
lol. but seriously.

I want you to fall apart like I did
You to hurt from all of these
All the pains you've put me through
I wanna hear you say "I dont deserve you"
Fall apart

like i said, i didnt sleep last night.
i stayed awake until 6AM and dad asked us to push that old woman's car.
its battery was exhausted because of that old woman.

i went outside and it was a chilling air.
the sky was so blue and the sound of the birds chirping were wonderful.
those birds love hanging around my house so there were lots of bird's shit outside my window.
[bird's shit ruined my dramatic moment in the morning]

[at the back of my house]

[view from Lowong's bedroom]

the sky was beautiful.
too bad i only get to share this view with no one.

i waited for the sunrise and i watched it alone.
this is another sign that i'll be forever alone.

[this was the only view that i can see if i close the curtains]

finally i went to sleep at 7AM and woke up at 3PM.
it's 5PM right now and my life seems meaningless.
i've wasted another day.

today is not that important anyway.

going to waste the rest of the day watching animes, reading mangas, and playing games.
another plain boring day.

just want you to know that i'll NEVER trust that old woman again.
it's okay if dad still trusts her.
but i WONT.
just saying.

and now im a dead walking panda.
i have a pair of panda eyes.
beautiful black circles.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

thank you for making my life in a mess. oh btw, it's 18th November.


so it's 18th of November already, huh.
this time on last year was very different.
big difference.
[pardon me for talking about the same damn thing]

this date brings me lots of memories.
such a nostalgiac feeling.

i've already finished my project.
yeah the project that i mentioned a few days ago.
well, i changed my mind.
i wont give that as a present.

anyway, my mom was being such a jerk just now.
by blogging about this, i dont see why i need to apologize for being plainly honest.

back to the story, okay she was being such a jerk.
and she was incapable of bringing up us into a well-mannered person because of her attitude.
her bitchy attitude.
[again, im being straight foward]

of all these time, after all you've put us through, those hard times, i respected you.
today, i've lost that respect thanks to your actions today.
i know, i came out from you stomach but that's not a reason for me to lie for you.

i respect dad more than i respect you.
that means i wont lie to dad for you.
by giving birth to me doesn't mean i should do things that you please.
excuse my ass off, okay old woman.

today you really pissed us off.
i know it was a bit harsh for me to say things like that to you.
but somehow i think you deserve it.

you lied to us.
ladies and gentlemen, it's not any light lie.
it's a BIG LIE.

you've been doing things like this for the second time.
why cant you just learn a lesson and live like a wife would?
come on la, you're already 40++years old.
you're not even in the same zip code as sexy.

stop acting childishly.
you've brought lots of misfortune in this family.
why cant you realise that and take a chance to change?
we've already gave you too many chances.
you didnt take it, so leave it.

it's not that i hate you.
actually i do feel guilty for being harsh with you just now but you're TOO CHILDISH.
just think back of how many times you've caused troubles.

it's enough la.
the game ends here.
im sorry to say this but you're the one who dont deserve to be my mother.

sometimes i do wonder why i didnt have a good mother just like everyone else have.
of couse i have a good dad.
i grew up with my mom and that's why i've been harsh ever since i was little.

im not blaming you though.
im just saying.

that's why you need to appreciate things before you lost your precious things.
we didnt accuse you though because we knew that you're lying.
always LYING.
your explanations are all nothing but a LIE.

i felt guilty for scolding you but i've disrespected you.
there are times when you're being such a shame.
your actions does.

im tired talking about you.
just wanting to let you know that today you REALLY PISSED ME OFF.

it's been such a long time since i haven't screamed that much.
long time since i haven't scold someone that loud.
and it's been a long time i haven't crashed down things to keep my anger down.

i've learned to cool myself down, i learned to be soft and i learned to be patient.
but by living with a mother like you, i just can't control my temper.
it's all because of you.

it's all because of you i cant sleep tonight.
wondering what'll happen tomorrow [or i should say a few hours later since it's already tomorrow].
file a divorce? no, they shouldn't.
since Bible says so.


do what you please.

it's 18th November, isn't it?!

so it's a bad date then.
whatever, old woman. whatever.

today i'll break a record for this year.
i'll stay awake until 7AM.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Thursday, November 17, 2011
some things that SUCKS more than me.

somebody has just unfollowed me.
guess what?
[actually it hurts a little but i still dont give a damn]

actually i want to curse you and hope you'll read this but since i've already promised with myself that i wont curse, then consider yourself lucky.

if you think that my blog is less amusing because i didnt update it every single freaking day, excuse my ass off.
my blog is better without you.

[it should be "Like A Boss" but i cant find it, so "Challenge Accepted" is ok too]

back with talking about my life.

my long school break is currenly a total BORE.
im stuck in this freaking house and im getting more fat day by day.
soon i'll be a ball of meat and my relationship partner will break up with me because he's gonna be afraid of a ball of meat[which is me].

im almost always home alone this week.
so laughing or talking alone is my daily routine.
[no, stop with that "awww"]

but dont worry.
my imaginary friends are always there for me to talk with.

Facebook and Celcom are being a pair of total assholes [pardon me for my French] lately.

recently there are LOTS of NUDE pictures uploaded on Facebook.
there's this one day when i checked my FB account, i scrolled down and i saw a NUDE picture.
my little brother was beside me during that time and i quickly "X" the FB.

you almost POISONED my lil bro's innocent mind.
im really gonna send you lots of complain letters if there are porns on his FB account too.

look, it's not just Facebook's fault but it's the FB Users' fault too.
[i'll talk about Facebook's fault later on]

dear assholes on Facebook,
why in the first place would you upload porns in the Holy[not] Facebook?
why in the hell you LIKED & COMMENTED those freaking pictures?!

even if you would like to give them advices on not to upload porn, THEY WONT LISTEN TO YOU.
fuh. that's one thing.

and lately there's this so-called-viruses-and-hackers on Facebook which will post porns if they knew your email or if you clicked a link.
Facebook, im not trying to blame you but why dont you do something about it?
why there's no Security System in a super famous website?
why cant you just detect the main root of those viruses?

im TIRED of those porns on Facebook.
or should i call you Fornbook?

for me, your FB accounts wont get affected by the so-called-viruses-and-hackers if you didnt click that porns or those nude pictures or any links that your random friends gave you.
overall is, you're stupid enough to click random things that people gave you.

sorry but im being real honest here.
if somebody didnt tell you about how naive you are, when will you realise that a person like you should be more cautious?

Celcom :)
my beloved Celcom that i've been using ever since i was in Year 5.
long time ago, your service was quite NICE.
before this, you deserved to get promoted and praised in advertisements.
but today, YOU SUCKS.

im sorry again but honesty is the best policy, right?
im the user of Celcom and i have the rights to question you some things.

first of all, your LINE sucks.
you should get a life.

one day, Celcom's line was really sucks.
to be precise, MORE THAN SUCKS.

for example, i tried calling my dad and it's not voicemail or any freaking female's voice.
there's just this simple "Result Unknown" on the screen.
i tried calling again and again and again and again.
still the same results and that cost my credits.

what a good way to swindle, isn't it?
yes, you're swindling our money.
i wonder why there are lots of complains from other users but your service never got better?
and why in the hell you haven't got SUED yet?

if im an adult, i will complain you to the bigger authorities.
too bad im still considered a KIDDO by those bigger authorities.
but im not that kind of kiddo who only thinks about makeups and phones and fashions.
umph whatever, asshole [forgive my French again].

so, i heard that Celcom broadband still sucks.
when i was using it [a few months ago] , i need to pay a quota in order to have a fast line.

i bought a broadband which was labelled the FASTEST than the rest.
but why did the line was still slow and why do i need to pay a quota in order to have a faster line?
isn't what i bought was the fastest?
now you're a CHEATER after being a SWINDLER?

about transferring credits.
for example, i transferred RM3 to my sister and the expiry of that credit will last until the next day.
but lately, i transferred credits and the expiry date will only last for that day.
on the next day, the credit WONT be available to use anymore.

memang betul-betul menginas la ni Celcom ni.

last but not the least, i created a short poem just for you.
[im brilliant. just admit it.]

Facebook and Celcom,
Both are in blue,
Even sucks more than my mom,
Hoping one day you'll bankrupt too.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Monday, November 14, 2011
depression in being thinner and get body in shape.

every long school break, i'll definitely gain weights.
today i realised that if im staying at home doing the same damn routine every freaking day, i'll completely become a big ball of meat.

so i decided to get my body in shape.
which is quite impossible since im such a lazy ass lately.

why cant you geniuses just invent a machine that'll make me thinner everytime i sleep?
why in the hell you guys invented cute Japanese girl robots instead of fat-killer-machines?
why and why and why?

why cant i just have that body shape?
why and why and why?
why in the hell would i spend the rest of my day staying at home?
why and why and why?

why the beginning of my holiday is boring?
why and why and why?

is it my destiny to be a ball of meat?
[i dont believe in destiny though]

anyway, so i Logged In my Facebook this morning.
and i found something that's quite embarassing.

[yeah, that Al Emerson is my lil bro]

he knew how to type things, how to comment and how to chat.
i've told you that before and please stuck the fork in your eyes if you forgot.

what's embarassing me is, there are times when he meant to comment to me but he misplaced where.
so he ended up commenting on other's pictures with me not knowing a thing about it.
you dont get what i mean so go and get the fork.

[i laughed that my ass off]

so, yeah.
this is depression.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Sunday, November 13, 2011
what you reap is what you sow.

today i went to pray.
it's been such a long time i haven't.

while i was playing Tumblr, i miraculously saw this picture :

those words are from the Bible and that's exactly the topic we were discussing just now.
is it just a coincidence?
or is it another sign telling me that i really need to keep on praying?
im smiling while blogging this :)

those words tells us that we have FREEDOM to choose our own path of life.
but we should NOT use that freedom to do sins.
God gave us freedom to choose but dont ever take advantage of that.
because what you reap is what you sow.

for example, if you reap LOVE inside your heart, of course you will sow something GOOD.
but if we plant a flower and we didnt take care of it, unwanted weeds will grow around it.
the same works with our heart.
if we plant LOVE and we didnt take care of it, unwanted things will grow too.

umh, if you get what i mean.

im not being a HYPOCRITE neither a FAKE.
i know all of us have sinned, i did too, and it's not too late to fix it.
here i am, giving my efforts in fixing it.

so there's no need to waste your time on looking at me with that face because TRYING is always BETTER than NOT TRYING but looking at other people's mistakes instead.

you're not the one who made those mistakes.
so why you're really bothered by it?
i know i made mistakes and i know how to fix it.
i know what's wrong and im ready to deal with the consequences.

stop standing there while looking at me with that disgusted face of yours.
you're wasting your time on looking at me while you didn't realise that you also need to look over yourself.

that's my business, alright?
i know completely so please shut the hell up.

like i said, i know what im doing.
and it's not my fault that you dont know me that well.
frankly be told, NOBODY knows me well.

anyway, while i was playing Tumblr just now, i see that the "11/11/11" trend is still going on.
im unable to blog about that since i was sleeping over Anne's house at that time.

[me and Anne]

so on 11/11/11, we stayed up late until 11.11PM and Anne texted her beloved one and she made a wish.
i really dont know what should i wish, so i didnt make a wish.
i called him instead but he didnt pick it up!
kurang asam betul!

you're very unlucky for not picking up my phone, okay.
you just missed the things that i would like to say.
and im never gonna say them again for the rest of my entire life.

bye, sucker!
im gonna spend the rest of my night with animes and mangas.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

people cant live up to you expectations.

another depressing thing to be frustrated about.
actually i dont really care about who's the girl.
all i care is whether you trust me or not to share your stories.

we made promises, remember?
it seems like im the only one who still keep those promises.
i still tell you my stories, my secrets, and i never did lie to you.

that's quite disappointing when you decided not to tell me a thing.
even after i mentioned about those promises, you ARE still thinking that im gonna tell the whole world about it.

you know what, if you doubt me, then those promises are useless.
completely useless.
so just forget about it.

i know i should be saying this to you but you know i cant express well.
and there's nobody for me to talk to except my blog.
all i can say to you is that i dont want to be your sister, i want to be your bestfriend.

right now all i care is your TRUST.
not about that freaking girl's name.
it's just all about your trust in me.
the promises.

you even thought that im mad at you.
im not angry, im just sad.

i missed those old times where i can freely tell random things.
where i dont have to hide what i was thinking and there was no need to filter my words.

what the heck.
my blog has turned into somewhat another sad emo blog.
you're welcomed to happily stab me in the eyes.

im glad though because this just gave me another lesson to learn about this life.
nobody can always please you.
people cant live up to your expectations.
sometimes even your most important person in this world will disappoint you someday.

i know when you're reading this, you'll be all like :

i never did force you to read my blog anyway.
you can get off from my blog right now and go to YouTube and watch some K-Pop Music Videos, act cute like them and be Korean-Wanna-Be [which what i hate the most].


you see that now the school's long break has finally started!
year 2011 is indeed VERY short.
from our shooting for Love Language [which we left unfinished up until now] to the end of the school days.

you see i got plenty of time to be wasted.
so i cleaned my isolated bedroom that was in a big mess.

[a high mountain of clothes on the bed]

[old books and makeups scaterred everywhere]

i cleaned them up and changed the photo on my table.

[our Love Language]

[im still in love with this stereos]

i've already told you in the previous post that i recorded a video of me singing some songs.
it's just another boring worthless video so you can skip watching it :)

[i messed up the rap]

suddenly felt like rapping so i decided to do a cover for Superbass.

off to eat some flesh.

btw, i just saw something that kind of pisses me off.

her face pisses me off.
especially her face at the beginning of that video.

two ponytails?
what the HECK are you thinking?
acting all cute like that?
how old are you?
man =_= im easily pissed off today.

anyway, what do you think of her cover?

2 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Saturday, November 12, 2011
900th post - i want to be a better person.

hey, it's been such a long time isn't it?
this is the 900th post and i should really be happy about it.

i even recorded some videos of me singing as a celebration for this 900th post.
considering that im lazy to upload it, i cancelled that plan.

there are lots of things that has been bothering my mind.
my PMR result is one of the things - thinking that i might fail in it.
there's a big chance that their machines might fail in checking my paper and giving it a big zero.
that's gonna be the end of my life.

sure, i managed to get into the Science Stream class.
i haven't mentioned it to you before, right?
right. because i was busy filling up my life with joy.

anyway, i am NOT proud that i managed to get into that class.
because this is just the beginning.
this is just the first step.
by getting into that class, it doesn't mean that my future is a success.

okay that's one thing.
and another thing is, i am thinking about changing my life.
before you proceed on reading, im gonna tell you one more time that im not being a hypocrite here.

this is my blog, my thoughts, my mind, my working brain.
this is what i feel.
what im feeling.

im thinking about changing my lifestyle.
i want to be a better person.
[despite the fact that i've been saying things like this two years ago]

true, i want to be a better person.
i want to lead a better healthy and happy life.
i know it's impossible because i believe that we're still living in this satanic world.
but still, i want to give it a try..

i've enjoyed way too much and it's time for me to get serious with life.
once i've decided on things like this, you know that i will do it.
by getting serious with life, it doesnt mean that im gonna be gloomy all day long.

again, im not being a hypocrite here, this is what i feel.
but i want to live in God's standards.
im sure you dont get what i mean unless you have a Bible Study.

talking about Bible Study, it's been such a long time i haven't do it.
that's another reason of why im getting more sucks.
yes, i am quite sad too.

before this, i was quite religious [as for evidence, you can read my old posts in 2009].
im thinking of having back my Bible Study.
it's not too late and not wrong for me to change into a better person, isn't it?

maybe a lot of you are thinking that im already a better person.
the fact is, i dont think so.
i need to be way more better than i am right now.
because i still believe in apocalypse where one day those bad people will disappear from this world and there'll be a paradise on this earth.
and i dont want to be one of the bad people.

i've been thinking about this a lot for today.

i made sins, i admit it, i lied.
but by just admitting that i lied wont do it, right?
i need to do something that'll change me into a better person.

that's what i want.
i want to live in the way preferred by God.

*a big big big sigh*

i hate living in this world.

the 900th post was supposed to be a very cheerful and happy and laughable post.
but this post is quite depressing.
and by blogging this, it makes me even more depressed than i already am.

i hate the past and i despise that person.
there are lots of reasons why i really DESPISE you.
you're ugly. even i am not as ugly as you.
and you wasted my two freaking years.

most of all, i dislike you and i wish you'll disappear soon from my life.
just disappear into thin air.

removing you from my Facebook.

i know it's not right for me to despise you.
but i cant help it because you're too despiseful.
every of your actions almost make me hate you - thankfully i dont hate you.
but still, i despise you.

i want to spit on your face.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Tuesday, November 8, 2011
i love mornings. i love midnights too.

i dont know where to start.
this laptop's cooler pad keep on buzzing and i just cant concentrate.

today is just a normal easy day.
i managed to claim back my phone after me and my mom signed on two pieces of given paper.

now my life doesn't feel so grey.
since i dont really like to use my second phone.

[the freaking useless second phone]

i forced myself to wake up early and now i feel like im a morning person.
but i like to stay up late too.
so what am i? a morning person or a night person?

[morning sunshine]

anyway, i started to love mornings :)
the fresh damp air and the silence.
just what i need.

except when mom decided to wake up early and karaoke with a full blast volume.
trust me, her voice nearly killed my brain.

[a little birdie]

as soon as i got back home, i did my usual routine.
clean up this little shop, take a bath, eat, keep my eye on the customers, sleep.
quite boring, isn't it?

studying Maths is even more interesting than this.
to mention about studying Maths, i think i've became way more stupid than ever.
conclusion : dont talk about studies for a while.

back to the subject, finally a huge storm[kind of] occurred.
the wind blew roughly and the bullets of rain shot my face.
my dad told me to transfer the puppies, from the drain to a safe and cozy place.

[it's snowing!]

the wind and the rain was attacking me but i kept on running to the drain.
i managed to transfer one of the puppies, i put him safely in the garage but his mom carried him back to the drain.

[the drain. well, i still have a little time to capture pictures]

and i was like, "What the hell are you doing?! The drain is gonna flood soon!"
i was about to be pissed off but considering that the dog wont be able to understand me, i ignored him and quickly went back into the house.
mission to be a heroine failed.
attempt to save puppies failed.

[it's really snowing!]

i took a bath again and it was so damn cold up until now.
so cold that it's necessary for me to put a blanket on.
im having a romantic cuddling session with my blanket right now.
while drinking my milk.

[soon the air went still and i shut my mouth up]

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-