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Thursday, June 28, 2012
we cannot keep things hidden from people forever.

forget about my problems, let's talk about something else that can render me happiness.
things has been complicated lately.

do you still remember about my crush on the previous post?
i said, crushes are always going to be mere crushes.
but right now, i don't even think that i believe in that anymore.

i didn't mean to be corny or something but i shouldn't play with other people's feelings just because i am unsure of my own, right?
there it goes my stomachache syndrome. stupid butterflies in the tummy.

guys, this is an important announcement.
i would like to keep this thing down first for a certain reason.
even if you don't want to know, i am still going to announce it because my blog has every rights to know what i've been up to lately..

i. am. officially. not. single. anymore.

repeat that sentence for ten times and good things will happen to you.
it happened a few days ago. 25th June 2012.

if you're going to ask, "With who?", read above there.
i would like to keep this thing down first.
no, i lied. actually i wanted to tell you guys so badly but i can't!
i'm forced to shut my mouth up or else someone will get hurt.
i'll have to pretend that i am still single until i-dont-know-when!

why? because read the second first line there.
things has been complicated lately!
[now i need to do sentence repitition to emphasize this matter]

only a few of my bestfriends knew about this.
i still can count with my hands. only seven people knew about this.
though i don't want to be in a situation like this. i mean, i don't want to hide this matter!

why does this feels like an unrequited love?!
HAHA JK that was gross but seriously.

but we can't hide things like this forever.
we can't run away from reality and too bad we can't neglect our feelings either.
refer to my favourite quote last year, "Between two persons, one is meant to be hurt".

i've told you that already, haven't i?

as i was thinking about this, i felt like drawing and so i drew.
i listened to piano songs while mulling over and over again.
about my other problems[not about this matter], my situation, about should i neglect or should i not give up.

i promised you that i'll draw you a forest.
so, there you go.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Wednesday, June 27, 2012
too many too many problems.

just a short and compact update for my bloggy.

#1. I am currently having my stomachache syndrome.
which is a bad thing.
i guess it's because the butterflies in my tummy are trying to get out and if i let them, blood will drip.

#2. I am having a lot of problems lately.
i have three main problems and i still can't figure out how to solve them.
this is killing me and making my stomach to hurt even more.

#3. I am worried with everything that it's so hard for me to stay happy.
everytime i'm having a good time, bad things will happen.
this year is such a misfortune. i hate this year.


#4. I wonder why that person take my words so seriously.
i mean, i didn't meant to say something like "HAHA GELII".
for me, that's normal and it's true that i am no good with stuffs like these and it's too corny for me to even live in this freaking world.


i don't want to live on this planet anymore.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Saturday, June 23, 2012
stripper or prostitute?

as i've promised [not really promised but-], i'm gonna show the result of my hardworking efforts.


at first, i thought i got number four!
so i told my classmates who texted me and chatted me just to ask what number of position i get in the class. i sadly told them that i got number four and i bet they're happy with that.
but when i stared at my result for a while, i actually got the third place in my class!
and i got the fourth place for whole classes of Form Four.

frankly be told, in my whole entire Form One until Form 3, i never ever got top three in class.
basically because i never did spend most of my time to study.
overall, i think Semester One was hard and Semester Two is gonna choke me.

it's a great pleasure that i didn't get any C's but i have one E for that freaking useless Physical Examination.
what the heck, okay. it ruined the nice view of my result.

let us compare between the result of my first monthly test and my first semester examination.


okay, some marks went up like a skyscraper [for instance, my Maths and AddMaths] and some jumped off from the bridge [for instance, my Biology and Chemistry].

guess i'm just gonna struggle for Semester Two.
i am aiming for the awards.

let's change the freaking subject, my life is currently very depressing.
sometimes i just wanna lay down and be lazy and never need to think or worry about everything.
i feel so pointless. this life. it's so depressing that i don't even know this is reality or just a dream.
soon i realised that i am not waking up and this is the reality i must face.

sometimes i wondered, if it goes on like this, then it's better for me to be a prostitute.
after short conversations with my brain, i changed my mind and take back my words.
being a stripper is better than being a prostitute.
because strippers just dance, you know, and prostitutes, urm, they do extra things.
and strippers have a pole to dance with which looks kind of cute.
prostitutes don't get to swing around the pole. they just walk around the bar and send out beverages and some extra things.
plus, dancing can make me thinner.


why can't i have a good life?! a good plain and simple life.
why problems must come after me and strangle me to death?!

ugh, i'm just gonna take a nap and figure something out other than being a stripper.
there must be some other way.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

my curiosity is killing me right now.

hey. is it a long time since i blogged that i lost one follower?
i've already told you to tell me that you followed me so that i know which to follow back.
hmph, it's okay. i don't really care anyway. i don't blog to impress.

apparently it's 12.46AM right now and a person promised me that he will tell me something at 12AM of yesterday.
fact is, i waited until 12.30AM yesterday and he didn't show up.
my curiosity is killing me.

why am i waiting, i don't know.
i think i should blame it on my curiosity and the eagerness to know about it.

now i started to believe that people are not going to keep their promises.
i have a lot of friends and even bestfriends who made a lot of promises with me but didn't manage to keep it up until today.
i might as well give up in trusting people.

everyone i knew ended up being someone they said they wouldn't be.
not everyone, maybe, but most of them.

to talk about the recent subject, today i was supposed to go to school and take my result for the examination of Semester One.
unfortunately, since both of my parents are busy, i am unable to take my result.
last night i checked my result online but it has not been updated yet.
i tried checking it online this morning and suprisingly it's already been updated!

i had the thought of showing you my result here and compare it with my monthly test result but that SAPS was having a maintenance! *sigh*

so this morning, [it's 1AM already] i'm gonna share a touching song with you guys.
it's a cover of Jason Mraz's "I Won't Give Up" by Joseph Vincent.

the part where the lyrics goes "I won't give up on you" together with Joseph's handsome face makes me melt everytime.
i love the chorus.

i said that if i had the chance, i won't let it slip away.
but i wonder why everytime i got the chance, i slipped it away.
this time, i will take my chance. but then my thoughts will come after another and it'll again change my decision.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Friday, June 15, 2012
my precious friendship.

okay i'm a human, a normal one.
it's normal for me to make tons of mistakes.

i realised that i really shouldn't be harsh with my bestfriends.
[only that that one particular person is not my bestfriend anymore so i guess it's okay to be harsh with her]

i even published some bad posts regarding this friendship thingy.
however, i took the decision on not to delete those harsh posts.
instead, i'm gonna publish this one good post about my bestfriends [exclude that one particular person].

as two of my bestfriends are studying in a different school, i almost forgot of what they have done for me. how much they have helped me.
it's beyond too much. they have helped me way too much already.
i admit it that i have talked to them harshly and right now i feel so damn freaking guilty.
i need to apologize to them later.

even if that one particular person is their bestfriend, that doesn't mean i need to treat my bestfriends harshly, right?
after all, we have done way too many things and shared too many stuffs together.
i once considered them as the most precious people i have ever had but why am i neglecting them right now?

right. it's because of my studies.
today i read something inspirational from www.akirastory.com .

it says,

1. I lost friends and family

In the end you will find that friends and family are things that you can’t replaced with money and fame. The high school memories you spent with your family and friends are valuable cause these are memories that you created when you were still a teen, and you will never ever had a second chance to be a teen again. Much of my high school time were spent in studying and tuition. In the end, when I graduated from my high school, or even my current college, I was wondering: where are my memories?

it just motivated me to create tons of memories as much as i can until i graduated from highschool.
i only have one year and a half yet and i just wasted half of it for my studies.
i actually let my ego and my anger took control of my brain and that results me not contacting my bestfriends.
during the hang over with Anis, i do have the thought of calling Anne to join over with us.
but again, i let my ego and anger to dominate my brain. in the end, i didn't call her and i regretted it.

of course, as bestfriends, we should forgive each other, right?
no matter what they have done, big or small.
if you can't forgive them, then why bother being their bestfriend?
[i can't stand with the mistakes done by that one particular person so i told her that i can't be her bestfriend anymore. at least i am honest]

so this is just an apologizing post for my bestfriends whom i have talked about in my previous posts.
i'll try to fix things up because i know it's never too late.
and even of it's late, it is still better than never. :)

p/s : the faces of my friends who are not in these pictures are not missed by me.

least but not the least,


0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

things that i would like to complain about today.

today our school is celebrating the Teacher's Day.
frankly be told, i am not interested in it since it gave me no profits at all so i didn't go to school today.
it'll be better if i spend my time on books [or to be exact, mangas] rather than wasting my time for nothing.

since a lot of people are bitching about "BURUK OH SCOUT CAMP TIDA JADI!!" and something like "BAGUS SA TUKAR PERSATUAN OH AWAL2!!".
i am rolling my eyes right now because i just can't believe how STUPID people can be.
seriously stupid.

you just sit back at your home, enjoying your lazy moment while i need to get up from my lazy moment and do all of those freaking worthless worksheets!
i REMAKE those worksheets for countless of freaking times and plus, using my own freaking money!
when the camping for this year is cancelled, i wasted my time and money for NOTHING!

well, how about you who keep on complaining shits?
do YOU have something that you've wasted when the camping is cancelled?
the answer is a big freaking ugly NO, right?!
then why are you still bitching, you thick-faced freeloader, while i am just sitting here, keeping quiet about my depression of it!

there's this one super lucky girl who managed to irritate me by posting this status yesterday :

i was going to comment on it and planning to say something harsh but i thought it'll be a waste of time to talk with a dumbass anyway.

argue with a stupid, and you'll become stupid too.

but then i realised before that she commented :

how can not she guess that the camping is cancelled because a lot of Scout's committee members are involved with tons of activities this Friday and Saturday?!
considering that our Prime Minister is going to visit Keningau.
so people are putting most of their efforts in it.
just how stupid can she be.

if you're going to shut me up, read the DISCLAIMER located to the left.
if you can't find it then you're a stupid too.
and if you're still going to sue me even after reading the disclaimer, you're just being stupid and i don't care.

back to this worthless subject,
i don't know.

i don't know whether our camping for this year is cancelled or not.
they said after this month, all Form 5 students are not allowed to join any activities because of their SPM.
if we were to camp next week, well, we can't because two other associations in our school are going to camp at the same place of ours.

then i heard another information that Scout's camp will be postponed to 8th of July.
seriously, i don't know whether it's going to be true or not.

people are obviously BLAMING on me regarding those freaking worksheets.
don't they know that i've done my job at the correct time but it went wrong because the teacher didn't check my worksheet first before sending it in?!
this is my first time in doing a freaking worksheet so shouldn't the teacher check my worksheet before sending it?
think RATIONALLY, dumbasses.
plus, the teacher told me about my worksheet was rejected only after ONE month.
so, whose fault it is?! COMPLETELY MY FAULT?

this world is crazy. stupidoes are everywhere and they're angry that they're stupid.
some of them can't even face the fact that they're stupid so in the end they tried to sue me for calling them stupid in this blog.

enough about camping, next i would like to talk about my Art class.
they told me that the students in our class are not allowed to add up another class anymore.
however, i think they are lying because they don't want me to be in the Art class.
so i'm gonna try ask the teacher first.
i want to join it because i want to learn about arts.

as for me, art isn't about SHOWING OFF your skills.
art is about how much passion you put in it.
how much you express in just one painting.
about the mystery or puzzle that you're trying to create,
and also about you dreams and wish.

if you're doing art just because you want to SHOW OFF, then you need to BACK OFF right away.

next, i want to talk about crushes again.
for your information, i am not stucked with one particular crush only.
in fact, i have a lot of crushes.
in any other words, my crush changes often.
why? because it is fun that way.

talking about that, do you still remember about Guy X?
if you don't, then you can read about him by clicking >>

okay, i am so done with him!
i was avoiding him for weeks and he asked me on Facebook whether i am mad at him or not.
of course i said no because i am not mad. i just hate a pervert like him.

in the class, he suddenly became quiet and became more passive.
i let it be because i don't care. why should i care about something that i don't.
i don't care about him because he's gross. thank you for making me say this.

however, yesterday's yesterday [on Wednesday], he was sitting at his seat which was infront of me.
the teacher gave us our Mathematics paper and said our marks.
soon after the teacher went out, he suddenly turned his body to look at me and he asked what was my marks.
oh gosh he was obviously trying to find a topic just so that he could have a conversation with me!
heck to the freaking no.

but at that time i thought, why not just answer some of his questions and run?
so i told him my marks without any eye contacts.
he complimented my marks and he smiled hopingly.
i swear i only smile a HUMBLE smile! a smile that i always give to people everytime i am UNCOMFORTABLE!

and then he asked about the camping.
i can't help but to talk a little much than i should about it.
after that i ran to Vian's seat [which was at the back of the class] and told her about it.
then i noticed that the Guy X was following me too! he went to Brayn's seat [which was to the left of Vian's seat].

how gross can that be?
it's beyond gross.

at the same day during AddMaths class, he suddenly became more energetic than usual!
he even played games with people [which he never did during the whole time i avoided him].
he became noisy than usual and that IS irritating because how can he get so damn self-centered?!

yesterday, he tried talking to me about the same thing again!
about the marks. but this time i won't fall for it.
i pretended that i didn't hear him talking and walked away.
he was left sitting at his seat alone.
he looked so sad, i know, and i looked so evil.
but that's what you get when you disgust me.

last but not the least,
i LOVE Ouran Highschool Host Club.
and this is NOT the first time for me to say this.
i've watched its anime for more than 5 times, trust me, and now i'm re-reading it's manga again!
[humble brag]
that is why, i can't stand watching people loving it.
because it's mine.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Saturday, June 9, 2012
too many things to tell, unable to pick a title.

i am currently exhausted and need a sleep but i forced myself to blog first before i forgot the things that i need to tell you.
let's go through the things that i would like to tell you ever since a few days ago.

first of all, my Facebook and Twitter and Skype [notice that all of their colours are blue?] and not to forget my webcam, has become quite merry these days. and more fun.
it's of course thanks to Skype + webcam, i get to upload pictures on Facebook and gain more notifications than i usually have.
not only that, my Twitter friends has widen too, which means more mentions and favourites.

frankly be told, usually those friends who invited me to play webcam with them on Facebook just wanted to capture our smiling pictures and upload on Facebook so that people will have the idea that we were actually having fun.
soon after that, we'll have no conversation and just close the webcam and do our own things.
it was not fun. at all.

however, ever since i 'promoted' myself to join Skyping with my Twitter friend, Skyping is actually way more fun than i expected it to be. honestly and seriously.

it depends on which person you Skype with la. if he/she is a boring person, then you need to tell them to get a life and never Skype with them until they learned the lesson to be fun.

[i don't know what to talk with a friend who's not that close to me. sorry Kel, i know i'm a boring person to Skype with. please don't tell me to get a life]

soon after that, his friend joined us in so my Skype contacts was adding up!

[still, i'm a boring person]

after that Anis joined us but i forgot to screenshot! too bad, too bad.

second of all, a few days ago i WAS depressed, sad, and ...miserable.
it's all because i found out something that i should know all this time but i did not want to know and guess what? i did anyway. sucks to be me.

i was so damn down that i did not know what to do. so i went Skyping with Anis and Kel.
[forgot to screenshot also]
i listened to sad songs, went to Tumblr, feeling all blue and down.
one of my classmates invited me to play webcam with him on Facebook, i tried but i couldn't because the camera was already in use with the Skype.
i closed the webcam used by Skype for a while.

[my classmate. his face is blurry here. later you see juga tu muka dia]

i told him to download Skype, he did.
i texted my bestfriend, telling him that i was depressed. i got carried away with playing Skype, didn't reply his text as soon as possible so i told him to join us Skyping too.
i don't even know why am i tell you these things so detailed.
skip the details, then we were all at our "Group Video Call".

[Kel went back home]

this one is fun, i tell you.
this is not the fake fun that you usually see on Facebook.

[this is le classmate's face. not blurry anymore, huh. and le bestfriend looked cute at the right top of my lappy]

i'm quite sure you noticed i wore the same sleep-dress on different days.
well, i washed my clothes like everyday, okay.
that sleep-dress is comfortable so i like to wear it at home and plus, clothes are meant to be used over and over again. only rich bastards will use each of their clothes ONCE.
unfortunately, i'm not a rich bastard.
spoiled rich bastards.

[Kel was back! we became even more merry]

as for me, i think that's the best video call ever in this year lah.
[i know i'm sad. still, don't tell me to get a life]

since only Anis can see my webcam while others can't, i felt sad a bit.

this one, le bestfriend finally saw my webcam!

in the middle of conversation, i sang him Laluna - Selepas Kau Pergi.
so embarassing lah! [need to highlight this sentence red so that it'll look very embarassing]
but since i was so damn depressed at that time, i sang it anyway.

after that, he went to sleep.
so i went my webcam back to le others!

this time, both of them saw my webcam! finally~
i was planning to Skype until 7AM but the three of them fell asleep infront of their lappy!
can you believe it?

i felt chill on my bone so i went and watch some movies until 7AM.
i just can't sleep if i feel so damn sad!
i texted le bestfriend [i spammed his phone, actually] at 6.50AM to wake him up but he woke up only 5 minutes after that - which was when i already fell asleep.
cheh! my useless efforts.

those are my useless detailed updates for a few days ago. thanks for reading/skipping.
as for today, i finally went outside the house to hang out with le bestfriend, Anis!
[i always dreamed to do a "hangover" with her - impossible to happen though]

we were supposed to meet at 10AM but since i was so lame, i ended up being so damn late.
i arrived 1 hour and 30 minutes later. *crying a river*

as usual, we went to eat first because i was so damn hungry.
i didn't care whether my tummy wasn't flat already. as long as my depression can be taken away by eating.
[forgot to take pictures though i should've]
we had a girl-to-girl talk, and i found that actually was fun.
we went to buy some shirts where i picked three but ended up buying one because i learned that i shouldn't buy all the things that i like.
i can buy some, but not ALL. i should resist myself from wasting $$.

seriously, i begin to hate walking around Keningau!
too many stupid unwanted foreigners who never missed to disturb us, the girls.
if we didn't even look at them while they're harassing us mentally, they'll honk their vehicles. not THEIR vehicles actually. but their boss' vehicles that they borrowed from.
unashamed little bastards.

we went to Keningau Mall for manicure.
suddenly this one advertiser pulled me with a professional face and spread the product that he's advertising all over my right hand.
it was so damn..... that i laughed because of his professional face and front hair.
okay this advertiser was actually nice. he was just trying to advertise - no signs of molesting me.

unexpectedly, that product worked well!
my right hand [the one that he put the product on] suddenly became more white than my left hand [the one without any product on]!
the actual price was RM20 but he said the student price was RM10.
i almost bought it! but i remembered my Garnier.... so... i can't use two face products at the same time.

[see?! even the camera can see the difference]

i thought it was only the dirt taken off from one of my hands.
as soon as i get back home, i washed both of my hands and i suprisingly found that my right hand IS still whiter than my left hand!
how cool is that! i'll buy it tomorrow or later then. for my legs and arms.

so, back to the manicure....

[Anis having her manicure]

i did not do the manicure because i thought it'll be a waste since i'll need to go back to school in three days.
[and actually i thought i could do it by myself at home]

[look at her beautiful nails!]

then we went for drinks and buy some things.
finally i bought watercolours and brushes and drawing papers after a long thoughts.
at first i thought it'll be a waste [usually i'll just buy them but this time, i'm a wise buyer!] so i decided not to.
and then my brain told me that if it's for my passion, then why not?
i'm gonna join Art class anyway.
so, kill two birds in one freaking stone.

we passed by the Unduk Ngadau show for little kids.
not knowing any of embarassment, i took out my camera and capture two pictures.

[lemme show you one picture only lah]

my parents picked me up and suddenly my mom wanted to go to Taman Mahathir.
we went, and fortunately i brought le camera along with me.

[now i know where i inherit my 'camwhore' trait from]

[i can never miss 'camwhoring' during good times]

[le mom did strange gestures and i tried to capture pictures of it but people came passing by and so i slipped my chance]

[i don't know why but i got a strong addiction towards this lamps]

[in mind : "Need to camwhore! Need to camwhore!"]

[saw that road with stones buried on it? that's the feet killer]

[WHOAH! O_O it seems that my whole two weeks of not eating really worth it all!]

[my unsincere smile. because mom took such a long time to capture this picture and i got tired of posing =_=]


my parents didn't like the way i capture these pictures.
they said the grass looked big while they looked small.

[candid. i'll let you imagine their conversation based on my mom's face]

[suda kena tumbuk rambut, senyum lg. sepatutnya bersedih]

[ko tingu arh.. makin dakat ni..]

[urang tua2 becinta]

[ikut2 stail sa tadi]

[candid. HAHA le dad's finger and face]

they didn't like the way i capture this picture too.
they said that house looked big than them.....

[mom laughed while i was doing that depressed pose]

as soon as i got back home, i took a bath and listen to some piano songs while drawing a sunset :)
with my DIY platelet.

[those small cups were taken from unused bottles. i nailed them to the board]

okay, i seriously thought that my DIY platelet IS somewhat cute in its own way and creative.
however, i should buy a new platelet.
i don't even know why i didn't buy a platelet while buying those drawing blocks.
=_= i was thinking too much, maybe.

anyway, if you want my DIY platelet, just tell me.
[humans won't buy it, i know. i'm just saying just in case a not-human is interested]

[i did a mistake here. but i'll not tell you where]

[should've draw the back trees as thin as i can. nvm, i'll learn from mistakes]

[i was having a hard time drawing the grass because i don't have the suitable brush]

[not finished yet!]

[finally finished! though you can't really see the main tree's shadow in this picture.]

i know, i still need lots of improvements.
i will work on it and practice everyday because my passion will never die.
oh and you don't need to tell me things i already know.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-