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Monday, May 27, 2013
the type of person that i don't like

yesterday i told myself that i will be start doing all of my course works today.
today i told myself again that i will do all of those tomorrow.
'cause if i can do it tomorrow, why not do it tomorrow?
i am a good procrastinator with good excuses.

i am still trying to be a better person.
trust me, i am trying.

however, these pests that are hovering around me are really getting on my nerves.
they are trying hard to prevent me from being a good person by doing the things that i don't like.
a human has his/her own limit of patience.
once they have exceeded their limit, they will definitely explode.
that goes the same with me.

there's this one pest who's currently living in this house.
a very freeloader and thick-faced one.
she went around and told a person "Oh dia memang begitu tu. Sa sangka dia berubah suda" even though she know nothing about the real story and she know nothing, absolutely NOTHING about ME.
she didn't bother to ask the real story from me, of why i did that, of how did it happen and et cetera. 
yet, she insisted on asking other people who know nothing about me just like her.
seriously, we haven't been talking like siblings do for years and for 99.9% of my life.

i do not deny that we have blood-relation but i will deny until i die that we know each other, because we really don't.
i tried to be kind to her, once, but that doesn't seems to work.
actually, we all tried to be nice to her but her attitude caused our efforts to be worthless.
all of our efforts disappeared into thin air.

why my effort doesn't work even though i tried to be a better person?
because she really really really LOVES to search for my mistakes.
why did i said that?
because she jumped into conclusion that i am the type of person she thinks i am just because of some stories she asked from the wrong people.

yep, what she was doing was, she learned about you through other people.
if other people who also do not know anything about you talk bad thing about you, her perspective towards you will immediately turned the other way and then she will also be talking bad  things about you.

but she's worser. she's judgemental.
it's like once she heard an unconfirmed story from others, she will always think that you're a bad person and that you will never ever ever change.
that everything you do and everything you say is wrong.

i seriously despise this kind of person.
i really do.

they never want to change their opinions of you because they think they know you the BEST already.
like, duh.

why am i wasting my time talking about this?
it is because she is childish and i've got the feeling that she will always try to piss me off.
i'm like, "Come on. We're all not 13 years old anymore. Can't you just stop trying to piss me off and not to ruin my happy time in this house?"
by her attitude language, she's gonna be like, "No, because I asked other people about your problems with them and they said you are a brat and I begin to hate you more now".

also, i let her eat the foods that i cooked because i have no hard feelings.
as for me, everyone is allowed to eat my foods as long as they're a good person.
i was being nice for letting her eat it. but not until i cooked the french fries that i thought my parents bought, and actually they were hers and then she knew i cooked them and then she angrily hid it.
yes, i am going to laugh my ass off but i couldn't because her action was so childish.

above all, she always lets out negative aura to this house's atmosphere.
she is filled with hatred and grudges. she once admitted that when i confronted her before.
i don't want to be involved with this kind of person so i'd be hoping to get out from this house whenever she's here.

oh please just be gone from this house ba.
please go faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar away from here.
you never did contribute anything except contributing troubles.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Saturday, May 25, 2013
ants - love them or not?

the other day i was studying on the dining table.
there was a colony of ants on it and just as soon as they saw me, they quickly ran hysterically.
some of them chose the faster way which is jumping off from the table and landed on my lap.
i know this sounds so evil but there were tons of them on my lap so i ended up slapping them off my lap.
i noticed that there was this one ant with a broken leg screaming for help. the other ants who were stone-headed were still on the table and they did not notice their friend asking for help.
i then picked up the ant with the broken leg and put it in the middle of its friends.
one of the other ants smelled its friend with a broken leg and CUTELY carried its friend to their nest!

that was the time when i realised that i am actually interested in learning more about ants.
i then saw another unfortunate dead ants. i picked one of the dead ants and put it in the middle of its friends.
again, one of the other ants who passed by smelled its dead friend and carried him away.
i don't know whether they will eat their dead or injured friends or they will treat them or bury them.
i don't know and i wanted to find out more about it.

since i was finally free yesterday, so i Googled about ants.
i just found out that their scientific name is Formicidae.
wow, actually their scientific name sounds cool.
the gross thing that i found out was : an ant has two eyes which are made up of other smaller eyes.
how gross is that?!
one of the interesting things was, i actually found out that the red ants are slave-making ants!
the red ants will steal pupae from the nests of other colony of ants and when those pupae hatched, they will work for the ones who they thought was their family!
how sad is that?! they did not even know that they're actually adopted [or stolen].
even if their colours are different.

[One of 10,000 species of ants, this leaf-cutter ant hauls a leaf more than three times its size back to the nest.]

there are actually lots of ants shop.
i bet you didn't know that. people actually are selling ANTS!
for instance, here http://www.world-of-ants.com/ and here http://www.myantshop.com/ .

i did not know that ants are that precious. realising that everyday i slammed every each of them who were present on my dining table.

why would we need to keep ants as our pet?
that's a good question. personally, i have found an answer for that.

1. Ants help to eat dead insects/lizards/other dead 'things'.
yes, those dead cockroaches and centipedes [which i always slams with a dictionary],dead butterflies [which suddenly got into the house], dead lizards [which leaves bad smells] and et cetera.
there was this one time where i slammed a cockroach with a dictionary. i just left it like that because it was such a hassle to clean it up as the white fluid [haemolymph] which came out from the cockroach's haemocoel was gross.
an hour after that, i realised that there was an army of ants surrounded the dead cockroach.
they lifted the cockroach into their nests and two hours later my floor was clean again.
how HELPFUL is that! they even drink the white fluid.
this happens all the time so i was on the 'happy cockroach-killing streak'.
that goes the same with the dead butterflies and dead lizard.

a few weeks ago, i covered up one part of the wall in the bathroom [i will tell you why later] with papers and   a cellotape.
a few days ago, i then found out that a lizard which was still alive got its head stuck into the opening of the cellotape on the wall!
i was shocked and i dislike lizards so i just let it be. i was going to tell my dad later but then i realised that ants were beginning to swarm all around it!

i stared at them.
the lizard stared at me.
i stared at the ants.
the lizard's black eyes stared at me.
i quickly went out from the bathroom.

that night, i went to bath and realised that the ants have already eaten the lizard ALIVE.
all there's left was the bones of the lizard.

ants can be violent and scary.

2. Ants keep us a company if we are alone at home.
if you're lonely at home, just watch the ants and they will humour you with their cute actions.

3. Ants keep us from feeling bored.
if you are bored, try to find the ants' nests.
you can Google about them and find out interesting facts about them.

4. Ants are inspirational.
if you are lazy to do anything, just look at the ants.
they never sleep.
they just work work work and work.
they have good teamwork and good friendship.
it's sad that they can only survive for 45-60 days :(

regardless of that, sometimes i found ants annoying.
just like how they love to suicide.
they love to swim in a glass of water and die.

i found that ants in my house are weird.
they even want to drink plain water. i thought they are only interested in drinks that contain sugars!
they love to jump off into my glass of water.
i almost drink the dead ants and i don't even know whether i have already drank the ants or not.
i hate that.

anyway, as for the story earlier that i said i will tell you, it happened about a month ago.
it was Monday and it was 5.25AM.
i woke up and went to go to bath. mom was at the living room, sister was at the computer room, lil bro and dad were sleeping upstairs.
on the wall of the bathroom, there was a hole with a pattern. it was made that way to let the air inside the bathroom went out.
lots of crumbled papers were stucked up into the pattern.

so as i was saying, i was bathing normally and when i looked up, i realised that one of the crumbled papers was missing.
so there was a gap between the crumbled papers.
i stared at the hole of pattern carefully and there was like something was there.
i thought it was lizard or whatever insects.
and then there was this thing like a ruler pushed horizontally into the hole of pattern into the bathroom.
i was wondering what it was for a second.
but then the ruler-look-alike was stood up vertically and it was actually a freaking MIRROR!
i swear i saw the reflection of the pail that was infront of my feet on that mirror!

i was freaked out.
i screamed, "Ma! Ada orang kasi masuk cermin dlm tandas!"
but mom did not hear me. i screamed for a lot of times and i ran out from the bathroom to tell them.
by the time they checked the bathroom, there was nothing there.
the stupid sex maniac stalker has already gone.

i was like, 'How did he got through the house's gate?'.
there were millions of questions swarming my brain.
why did the dogs did not bark?
how did he know that i was going to bath?
did he waited for me?
was it his first time or has he watched too many times already but we did not realise?

at 6.30AM, i was going to school and i found out that my dogs were not inside the house's area.
i looked for them but they were nowhere to be found.

that afternoon, as soon as i went back home, i took a look behind the bathroom and found out that the fence was pushed behind just like someone was standing on it.

it was a very traumatic incident.
so i taped papers on the hole with pattern.
where the lizard got stuck in between the cellotape and wall.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Wednesday, May 22, 2013
daydreaming of a voice

im gonna brace myself because TWO WEEKS of procrastinating is coming!
but wait, i still need to go to school tomorrow.
my English teacher would like to borrow my shoes because the theme for our Teacher's Day is 'Back To School', so they need to wear uniforms like students do.
i was like, "Ohhhh it's an honour to lend you my humble shoes".

oh did i ever mention that i LOVE Christina Aguilera?
not only looking by her facial features but her as a whole and her voice.
it doesn't matter whether she has gotten fat or what the haters will say, she is still awesome than ever.

[this is a must to watch]

so recently i've been busy fantasizing that one day i'll be able to have vocal like hers and i will be able to produce my albums, be a young and fresh celebrity who got Grammy at 17 years old.
of course, it is impossible.
but in my dream, it is possible.
there's nothing wrong with dreaming, right?

last but not least,

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

oh my time has been occupied by studying last minute!
i've been a study machine and i still am because when majority of the students have finished their First Term Examination, the seven of us who took Visual Art as an elective subject still need to take the Paper One tomorrow!
since it is just an MCQ [Multiple Choice Question] which is an objective paper, i don't care too much lah about that.

as for our Paper 2, we were told to do it at home and submit it tomorrow.
i think it was unfair for other classes who needed to do it at school for only two hours but we deserve a bit time for that since the timetable for AddMaths and Visual Art clashed.

i am becoming more and more and more dull.
trust me, i am dull right now.

i have nothing inspirational to talk about other than what's happening around me.
i need somebody to MOTIVATE me to work my ass off.
i need somebody to urge me to study during the upcoming two weeks holiday.
i need somebody to be strict at me and say something like, "You think you will pass lah? Look at you. "FAILURE" written on your forehead. You better do something about it oh Feo. You better start studying seriously and cover all chapters in Form 4 and Form 5. Six months to go until SPM oh. Aiyoyo. It is only once in your lifetime oh, unless if you want to waste your time retaking your papers. You think two months is sufficient enough ka to study all chapters of freaking ELEVEN subjects? You lazy procrastinator. Your course works are not finished yet also. Aiya what you are becoming oh. It is either you make a history or be a complete loser.".

even if i told myself that, i will not be motivated enough.
maybe yes, but only for a short term.

yes, my life has been busy studying and procrastinating
i don't even have enough sleep anymore.
but one day when i were to recall this, i will miss this moment of struggle.

deep down, i told myself that my vengeance is by being successful.
i mean, my greatest revenge would be success.

lately i am addicted to watch videos of Bubzbeauty, Michelle Phan and Xiaxue.
seriously, who can blame me? they are awesome.
someday i hope i will be able to do videos like theirs also and then you all can go and puke.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Wednesday, May 8, 2013
wink wink wink of sleep

hi i'm back to life and i've been losing my wink of sleep ever since the first semester examination arrived.
i went to sleep at 11PM++ and woke up at 5AM to study.
i feel drowsy during answering those History questions just now.
it's either because i do not have enough sleep or History is just boring to me.
or maybe both.

boys and girls, this is what you get for last minute preparation.
my advice to you : don't ever study at the eleventh hour. unless you've already revised or studied all of them.

the result of my March Test is already disappointing.
i should start preparing for tomorrow.

i can't wait for high school to be over.
honestly, it is not because i hate going to school.
it is because i hate waking up early and always feel sleepy and i am unable to eat MAGGIE since it will cause me a 'memory blockage'.

7 more months to go.
[funny when i realise that i'm not counting the days for SPM but for the long holidays instead]

i feel like i'm a living skeleton.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Sunday, May 5, 2013
will you do all these things like we used to?

Does he watch your favorite movies? 
Does he hold you when you cry? 
Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts when you've seen it a million times? 
Does he sing to all your music while you dance to "Purple Rain?" 
Does he do all these things, like I used to?

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

staying up late to witness the sunrise.

when we are angry, we are bound to say everything that crossed on our mind, regardless whether it is bad or cruel or torturing. even whether we mean it or not.

it's 4.12 AM.
and i am listening to Elvis Presley's Only You.
this time, i am more than determined.

during high school years, trust me, you will never find someone who's gonna stay with you until the end of time.
maybe some of you will, but only minority.
majority is, you will always end up being strangers with the person that you once knew, and meet someone new, and become strangers again. the cycle goes on and on and on until you've reached adulthood.
so to hope for anything more than that is very pointless.

even if you're sad or cry or saying that you want to commit suicide, dude, it would not change a thing.
things that happen have already happened.
there's no turning back and nothing would be able to change it, to make everything better again.

i have fallen for over three times already.
i have fallen into the pit of destruction, and everytime i fall, it feels like i could not climb up back again.
it's like i want to give up and let all the dirt be thrown upon me and bury me deep down.
it's like i'm tired of living because living means thinking and i always overthink and that causes me to have more problems than i actually have.
but then i remembered a quote from Nick Vujicic that inspires me a lot.
he is born without four limbs, yet he is capable of doing things that he want because he tried hard.

Along the way you might fall down. Sometimes in life, you might fall down and can’t find the strength to get back up. Do you think you have hope? Because I tell you, I’m down here and I have no arms and no leg. It should be impossible for me to get up, but it’s not. As long as I try, there’s always a chance of getting up. It’s not the end until you give up- Nick Vujicic

i am unable to shut my mind and that's why i can't sleep.
all of these are happening too soon.
i have already expected for it to happen but oh how i wish it never did.
how i wish, how i really wish that the person i knew will always stay as the person that i knew.
but the truth has been revealed, and i deserve to know the truth.

although i want to ask, "Why do this thing should happen?", i know i can't ask.
there will be no answer that will satisfy me. no answer is suffice.

no matter how hard you don't want it to happen, it already did.
no matter how hard i don't want it to happen.
it happened.

i was like, "No no no no, this should not happen. Tell me this is not true".
but then i learned the truth and sometimes i think that there are some things we better not know.

it is now proved to be true.
our happiness is temporary. it would not last long.
one day or someday, life will take it all away from you.

it is scary of how the simple sentence "Yeah, I lied to you" can damage every single thing.
i guess sometimes we just have to let things go and move on with your life.

sometimes the rough gets tough and love doesn't enough and i don't know why.
it's never enough.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Friday, May 3, 2013
dive deeper.

i totally agree with what my old friend posted.
when i read it, i was like 'oh i really couldn't agree more!'.

let me just copy and paste it here.
"sometimes we just have to let their thoughts be theirs. people have their right to see things in their own perspective and we are practically out of our capability on stopping them creating thoughts and define us,"

despite of what people talk about me, they still will not know the truth. they still will not know who i really am.
why? because gossips are fun. rumours are exciting and they ignite the creativity in your mind to create new additional stories.
when you tell something new about someone, people are eager to listen and their attention will be focused on your stories alone, regardless whether it is true or not.
they like it if people tell them the things that they want to hear, especially when it comes to search for mistakes in a person.
the things that never existed in the first place, they cause it to be existed. they will create it just to satisfy them.
that is why, no matter what you say, they will not stop until they drop.
so the only thing that you can do is to let them be because they will not change their definitions of you.

'cause they only see what's on surface and believe what they want to believe about what's inside the deep water. they will never bother to dive deeper and find out what is really inside.

[just thought that i should share this. geeeee]

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

i've got to admit that as a leader, i am guilty.
i have no intention of winning so i did not put my fullest commitment in it.
just like what Newton's Third Law of Motion stated, in every action, there is an equal but opposite reaction.
another term we can use it we reap what we sow lah kan.
who's to blame? yourself lah. not anybody.
i did not deny that there is a slightest regret, but considering that it is the FIRST of MAY already, i might die if i did not start to prepare things since OCTOBER IS COMING.

this is the time when i just want to have a big income, maybe start a business or wait for miracle to come that will allow me to be a famous celebrity suddenly so that i can build my own beautiful house because right now i hate being at home.
why? it is easy to see why. it's because there is a pest hovering around this house for a month.
it will bring diseases and once you are in contact it with, something bad will happen.
pest oh pest, why don't you go away faster. all you do is bringing troubles.
you're only turning the surroundings of this house to become black and full with harmful diseases.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-