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Sunday, September 29, 2013
just, urghtttttt.

long distance sucks! i hate it.
i've been acting more aggressive about this but i don't care.
long distance is really such a.... i don't know the right term to say this.. but it is such a hassle.
and right now i am hungry.

i keep telling myself, "Stop whining! Just get used to it and start doing something meaningful instead!"
truth is, it's easier said than done.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

i was a humiliation to this whole Universe.

when i was checking on my email, i saw some old stuffs at the Sent Box.
wondering why there were many mails there, i decided to take a look.
but then i regretted in doing so.
because all the contents are so humiliating.

i sent all of those emails to random people i met at Ragnarok Online and i was too thick-skinned to email them something kiddish although their age was around 20++.
well, that was like 8 years ago.
you don't trust me?

[click to enlarge and look at the date]

what's up with the titles that i sent them?! "uikZZZZZZ SeXy_CuTie_Gal nie".
i tried to recall and then i remembered that back then whenever a girl uses "Sexy" or "Cutie" or anything "Girl" as her nickname, a lot of guys will attach to her like flies surrounding a poo.
it's like the nickname indicates the face.

[click to enlarge and look at the date]

that email above, i sent it to my primary school teacher that the girls can't help but to fangirl.
so when he finished his practical, i unabashedly sent him that.

*double facepalm*

i still can't believe my two eyeballs whether i am hallucinating or all of these are real.
i was a humiliation to the Universe. this whole freaking universe.
i don't think i deserve to live anymore after humiliating this wonderful Earth.
i can't help but to gasp in horror as i saw all of these.

[emailing with a person from Ragnarok Online]

i stared at that in disbelief.
what's up with the capslock on and capslock off letter?
what was i thinking that time?

there were tons of humiliating mails that i sent to people but let's change the subject.
i also saw my old bloggie which i created it on purpose to share my work arts.
but the contents are......

["everything has changed" ?! emo pose? really?]

and then i and my sister was doing a "photoshoot".
photoshoot la sangat.

[after editing, there was supposed to be a wording down there. old stuffs that people were crazy for back then. i can't help but to admit that i had a nice curve back then. look at that body aww. nah just kidding lol]

[and then a car comes. gotta run to save 'water-face' hahaha why is this so humiliating. why there were dogs on my photoshoot?!]

[looking at the dogs who ruined most of my pictures]

[humiliating, i know. and what's up with those nurse shoes?]

[after edit]

kinda looks nice but when i shared the picture above on WeChat, my classmate asked me, "Feo, your bus isn't going to come?".

after edit also kinda looks nice but it's still embarassing!
"dear LOVE". whuttttt?!

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Saturday, September 28, 2013
one day, but surely not from this place.

one day i'm gonna find that man that's gonna show up spontaneously just to give me a flower that he just plucked beside the stree.
i'm gonna meet that man who shares the same interests as mine.
or even if we don't share the same interests, we would argue and that argument will lead to a deeper understanding, not something grudgeful.

one day i am so gonna find that man who's imperfect but he makes his imperfection flawless.
he's gonna teach me new things, like capturing fishes using a stick.
we would make a bonfire and we're gonna sing together while he's gonna play the acoustic cutely.

i am gonna meet that guy who will take me on random trips at such unexpected time, especially during the time i am not in a good mood.
the trips wouldn't have to be in luxury because i'd prefer having a picnic near a waterfall than having a skyscraper view from a 5-star restaurant.

[just like how Noah took Allie to this wonderful place]

one day i will definitely meet that one guy who's gonna call me at 4AM just to share his problems.
i'm gonna share him my beliefs and he's going to think deeply and widen his mind.
on the next day, he's gonna give me the foods that i craved during that time.

i know that one day eventually i will find this one guy, but definitely he's not gonna be from this place
he's not gonna be from this town.
hopefully i will meet that right guy at some other place that i haven't been to.
although it is impossible, but i'm just hoping.

OH i am watching the movie entitled "The Notebook" right now. 
i have watched it for more than three times already.
again, that movie never fails to make me feel so EMO and pathetic because i never met the right guy just like Noah [Ryan Gosling's role in the movie].

i am going to watch "The Vow" next. which means tonight is the first night ever for me to stay up late watching movies for these past few months.

i just want to meet that someone who is more insane than me.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

my naivety.

being betrayed by the same person for more than once is not a good feeling.
someone who i once considered as a FRIEND.
here i go again. my naivety caused me to trust people so easily.
even if a person have lied to me for countless of times, i'll still have 50% probability to trust that person.

i don't know what's wrong with me.
maybe i think that everyone deserves the chance to change.

"I'm not like last year anymore. I've learned my lesson. You can trust me on this."
and then i easily put my whole freaking trust.
oh i feel like slamming something.
it hurts so bad that i can't even think of anything to say.

i shouldn't have trusted you.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Thursday, September 26, 2013
being in a long distance is no fun, trust me.

being in a long distance is no fun, trust me.
however the outcome varies as it depends on how an individual adapts to that kind of situation.

to change the subject,
another month left for the big war so i am unable to talk about other meaningless things such as our school's trip to Kolej Vokasional.
and also about how humorous my life has been.

right now i am being very appreciative with the things that i have in my life.
like the saying goes, start counting the blessings!

i am as grateful as an ant that has found a big chocolate bar if i can get 5A's.
yes, i lowered what i wanted because i really have no confidence at all.
if you're not in this position, you will never know how it feels to be insecure of your examination result.

i don't like it when people start to expect something more from me.
don't expect me to achieve something big because i assure you that you're gonna be so disappointed.
i am not good in accomplishing someone's expectations.
i am not the world's genius.

again, another month left.
5A's and i will cry my ass off out of joy.

2 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Monday, September 16, 2013

Jacq told me yesterday that today is holiday because it is Malaysia Day.
i knew it'd be on 16th September but i didn't know it is gonna be TODAY!
thank heaven i almost go to school [even worse, i've already prepared things for Monday].

i don't have trouble about school's assembly anymore.
[despite the fact that all i do is eat during assembly]

today i woke up and heard several voices downstairs.
there were my aunts and uncles coming to visit.
i always like it when my relatives come to visit here because the house is too silent with only four of us.

i then woke up and edited my own passport picture that i took by myself.
at first, i asked my little brother for help but he was unable to capture in the correct way.
so i was forced to take the picture by myself.

[he took this candidly when i was talking about the position of the camera]

and oh my dark circles are becoming more and more and more apparent!
tell me this is not because of waking up at every 4AM.

finally after taking the hassle coat off, i got to take my selfie.
i don't even know whether this suits the requirement for a passport-sized picture.

so i edited them [picture above] and decided to print it at a particular picture shop.
usually if you want to take a passport-sized picture, they will charge you RM15 together with a small CD of your face.
if you want to print a 4R picture, they will charge you around RM0.60 per picture.
however, when they saw my picture, they instantly charged me a freaking RM6.00.
i don't want to be stingy but if you can get the CHEAPEST price, why get the expensive price then?
i'm not stingy. they are.

i asked them that i wanted 4R [that costs around RM0.60] and they said for this picture, it is still RM6.00.
i asked why and the tauke said, "Sebab gambar dia berulang-ulang".
i then took a moment to think whether any of that makes sense.
as my brain was integrating the information, i then found out that nope, it doesn't make any sense at all.

just the same mah whether it is a repeated picture or what. afterall it still come with one piece bah.
imagine if we capture a picture of triplets or maybe more. still the same bah RM0.60. repeated face kan?
then why my one face multiply by six in one picture is RM6.00?

nevermind lah. i don't plan to be so calculative but i am a frugal type of person.
just eat muh money.
[and then i saw the tauke grinning]

the worker asked for my name 'cause she need to write it on my picture's envelop.
soon my name was called to take the picture. 
i felt weird because the person pronounced it kind of differently.

much to my surprise, the name written on top of the picture envelop is...


i think the employee was trying to make a joke.
i tried not to recall how she pronounced it.

ughhhhh. why most people just can't get my name right?!
Foe, Fedora, Feddora, Foodora, Foedora, Fiodora, Fidora, Feodera, Foedera, and now a freaking FDO.

*double facepalm*

[the product]

[i don't know if this kind of low quality picture is accepted or not]

and now i'm happily studying. buhbye.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Saturday, September 14, 2013
my normal daily life.

it's been such a long time i didn't photoblog.

[a quote from The Lovely Bones]

["Mom! Let me help you scratch those fleas"]

["Stay still, mom!"]

["Here, let mommy scratch your fleas back"]

how dogs can be so cute?!

[a few months ago we were forced to join this competition]

while studying Physics,

just some random things that i doodled.
suddenly it became a cutey little thing that one day i dreamed of animating.
it's gonna be called "Evil Juice" because fruits that turned evil will be blended by me.
*hysterical laugh*

as for the trial of Art Visual, i decided to do the question that requires me to paint a view in the forest.
[even though what i painted was a little out from the question but whatever]
since the 9 of us decided to take the subject as an elective subject, we were told to do the Paper 2 at home and submit it at school.

this is my last minute work.
i was in rush since i need to revise Chemistry for the day after that.

[that hand is my lil bro's]

[finally finished after doing this at like 4AM]

to brighten up my bedroom [actually not mine but since i borrowed the room for a while..., hehe] i pasted some colourful and meaningful things on the wall.
so that everytime i iron my shirt, i'll read it.

so yeah, this is gonna be a busy time of the year for me.
i hardly have any other time to relax and enjoy.
every single morning i wake up, i'll be like "Oh how many weeks left. What do i do what do i do what do i do" and then i really don't know that to do.
it makes me feel very nervous.

i wrote some things to cheer me up while studying.
i usually don't share private things like this but this is my online journal anyway.

[i made my goal for 2013 (which is obvious that not all of them are going to be accomplished)]

[i've been sleeping a lot lately. it's because i'm easily sleepy!]

[ini laini yang bikin sa lalai]

[a cutey present from my teacher]

and i found this picture on the folder.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Friday, September 13, 2013
laugh while the fools make fun of themselves

whether it is within a few months or years, we will eventually change our ways of thinking.
it's too unfortunate that some people refuse to have an 'update' in their life especially with their ways of thinking.

as for me, i have grown tired of meaningless arguments that only lead to nothing but trouble.
i am now trying hard to stay out from being angry as it will cause me nothing but trouble as i might act recklessly.
i have also been patient right now for a longer time than before.

i believe that arguments are unnecessary, redundant, and also superfluous.
in this modern era, only kids do the things like stomping feet while screaming and talking 'indirectly' and cynically to the other person that he or she have unsettled things with.
why not sit down, drink a cup of tea, and confront that person?
why must stomp the feet and scream like a baby?

as for that, i can not understand.
it does not make them look any cooler or righteous.
instead, it makes them look more like a sad pathetic attention-seeker.

i mean like, come on. don't people like that have better things to do?
maybe they have some pressures in their life and that makes me feel even more pity of them.
but that's not a reason for them to act pathetically.
regardless of that, i still hold an empathy for these type of human beings.

again, what we all can do is just sit down, relax, and laugh while the fools make fun of themselves.
it's fun, really, to see them trying hard to provoke you to play the 'fire games' with them.

too unfortunate that i am not the same as before.
we all need to grow towards change and change needs a constant effort.
that's what i am putting all my efforts into right now.
because if not now, then until when will we all start?

to my future kids :
if you're currently in a situation like this,
just hold up your hand high in the air and say, "Just talk to my freaking hand, okay?".

as an update, Anne also told me to just ignore it because it's a childish thing to react to small things like that.
actually everybody's moving foward and the person who don't is actually the most sad one.


0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Sunday, September 8, 2013
marathon and sprint

heyyyyy! good morning!
i have positive aura surrounding me this morning.
it's only 7AM and it's Sunday but i woke up on purpose to study.
i've been keeping up with waking up at 4AM during school days and 7AM during weekdays.

to make changes, you don't need to do everything at once.
you just need to keep constant in doing it.
after all, life is not about a sprint but a marathon.

imagine if a person's doing a 1000km sprint. you think how minutes will he last long in doing that?
i don't know, maybe 5 minutes or maybe more.
in the end, of course he'll also stop sprinting and start to jog.
but it increases the probability that he'll be super tired and stop anytime soon.

however, imagine another person was doing a 1000km marathon and jog from the start and of course he'll be able to get used to it and finish the 1000km. 
you say it's impossible? for the person who does the sprint, yes it is undeniably impossible.
but for the person who does the marathon, he'll bring his tent and foods and such things before continuing the run on the next early morning. why? because it's a marathon, not a 'you-must-end-it-in-one-day' competition.

that's the difference between those two types of running.
as for me, i want to do the marathon, and that's why i'm here, waking up early.

free my mind free my mind free my mind.
ignore all negativity.

okay, to start off a wonderful morning, i need to listen to a wonderful song.
this song really makes my day every morning!
i recommend this sexy song to everyone that's feeling sexy.

i really breaks my heart when Joseph Vincent kissed that girl, even though he's just acting.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! so hot. *nosebleed*
i don't know if i'm over the top but i don't care because nobody SANE can stop fangirling over JV.
sorry David Choi, but i've got to betray you for a while.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Sunday, September 1, 2013
today, i am officially traumatized.

dizziness struck my brain as i recalled what happened at 3.26PM just now.
to be precise, i am traumatized.

at 3.10PM just now, i was waiting outside the place where we do our spiritual routine such as praying and learning the Bible [we don't call the place 'church'] beside Dewan Yuk Kong.
i called my mom to pick me up and went on chatting with Jacqueen and the aunts.

we were chatting about the trial tomorrow and out of sudden, a car accident occured infront of our two eyeballs.
a white car that somewhat looked like a Hilux was rolling from afar as i saw it hit another car.
the other car was flown towards the houses near the road and the white car which i said looked like a Hilux was rolling towards us.

i really thought it was gonna hit the gate but it didn't. it landed precisely infront of Dewan Yuk Kong.
during that time, the white car was rolling very hard that it looked like a can of Coke being crushed. i don't know whether 'rolling very hard' is the correct term of it but i don't care 'cause i can't think straight right now.

the most traumatizing part? i saw a body was thrown far upwards as an impact from the car rolling harshly.
and then the body landed head first on a concrete - which is the road.
i can accept it a little if the body landed on the grassy part, but i can't accept that the body landed on a CONCRETE.
there were two of them. so i just saw two deaths occuring infront of me in a second.
they were actually going back to their dorms but this was what happened :'(

just by the split of hair, my mom then came from the opposite way.
imagine if my mom came at the same time the accident occured. and i DON'T want to imagine.
palis-palis jauh-jauh.
i am very thankful to God [i really mean it] because of these miracles that happened in a time.

it happened that a little boy and a man [said to be their daddy] was still trapped inside that car.
the brothers and sisters rushed to help them.
both of them has been sent to the hospital but for the were no chances left for the two boys who got thrown.
they said that one of the boys' head was shattered into pieces. the brain.

however, there was also a part that makes me feel very 'geram'.
there was this one stranger man who acted like he knew everything about the accident even though he just came, he didn't see how the accident occur, and he's just a pass-byer, yet he still got mad at us for telling him that there was another car thrown towards the houses over there.
he said something like this to us, "Kalau kamu tida nampak, jangan pandai-pandai mau tambah-tambah. Haiya! Mana ada lagi oh kereta satu! Pandai-pandai."
and what he said was supported by that one woman.

we kept quiet until another man came towards him and said, "Ada kereta t'masuk dalam rumah sa".
and then that Mr.Knows-It-All said towards his minions "Mari kita pigi tingu di sana".
see? punya bikin geram.

anyway, i was still traumatized until now.
this is the first time it happened. yet i feel too sad to cry so i didn't.
my mom was also traumatized. even though she didn't saw the accident, but she saw the corpses.

i remembered the belongings of the two boys was flying in the air.
there were shoes, PSP, clothes, and such things.
imagine you're them. you happily wanted to go back to the dorm with your friends...until...
ARGHT. i can't study at all! i keep on recalling all these fresh incidents!

another lesson learned. anything can happen in a split of seconds that will change our lives forever.
this world is getting more and more dangerous.
we need to be more cautious. treat everyone around you right, because you won't know when will be the last time you get to see them.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-