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Saturday, January 25, 2014
things that i learned, things that i am grateful for.

new record. i've been working for 8 days.
a man told me that i really looked like a teenager, so i told him that i was 20 years old.
okay, i know it's not okay to lie but blame him for stating the obvious LOL just kidding, he was just being kind and i was just trying to be funny [what if i tell you that was a joke too? screw me, right?].

i feel so so so so sooooooooo refreshed taking a bath after working for hours.
of all these eight days of working, i find that today is the best of all.
except for the fact that there's this one incident that made me feel a little bit annoyed =_=
but let's shove all the negativity away, i'm just gonna avoid that person, so that i won't made mistakes anymore.

back to the story, today there were not so many customers.
i don't think that that was good since i was idle for most of the time.
however, i managed to make my time worth it by reading a wonderful yet meaningless book.

today there are lots of things that i learned and taught myself.
i learned that religion is where your heart lies.
it's not about being fanatic or to correct the wrong. it's not about chasing after easy things.
of course, it is hard, but nothing good comes easy, right?
you've got to work yourself off to achieve that one thing that you want the most.
it's about feeling spiritually contented and satisfied, because trust me, life without a goal [religion] is meaningless.
to live for materialistic things is like chasing after the wind.
you wasted your energy and in the end, you'll feel empty.

ten things that i am grateful for today : 
❤ A complete family
❤ Ian Smith Walter Stanley Lee [♥]
❤ Good friends
❤ Internet/WiFi at home
❤ Computers
❤ Clean water to take shower
❤ Electricity
❤ A humble phone
❤ Cars
❤ A home

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Monday, January 20, 2014
i just have to adapt well.

i've started working for three days now.
yes, there are lots of things to learn.
i am willing to try, willing to learn.

shamefully, i did not advertise my tuition to people because i feel so embarassed.
let's see soon if i am not ashamed to advertise anymore.

however, on the dark side, sometimes i feel like quitting the new job.
but you know i am not the kind of person who quits halfway.

sometimes i do not feel committed enough.
sometimes i missed home where i can lazy around and do my own things without people watching me.
it's not that i am saying i hate it. 
it's just that i have to adapt well with new surroundings, new situations, and new machines that work differently than those at home.
for sure it will take more than three days.

today i think it's either i messed up a lot or some of the customers are the irritating ones.
as i asked, "Everything is okay already?", he nodded, "Yes. That also can".
soon after i've already clicked the "Print" button, he suddenly wanted to edit some things.

sometimes i feel sad towards the customers who went to me for typing.
i feel sad just by looking at their faces :'(
just now, i thought there'll be no charges for editing letters because there was not much i did.
so i didn't charge this one old man and i made a mistake as i actually still need to charge.
i have a soft heart towards the elderly, you see. especially the lonely ones.
but still, it was not my business, i am just a mere worker, so i'll train my heart to become harder.
i will charge more after this!

if i could work at home, i would.
let's see how long i can endure!

how i wish the tuition works out!
to be exact, how i wish i have the thick-faced side to advertise!

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Sunday, January 19, 2014
I'm just so used to everything now.

Edited stories. Manipulated stories. Shit stories about me.
I don't even give a freaking damn anymore.

I have a life to live, not like them who only live to talk untrue shits about me.
Hence, my middle finger salutes you.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Tuesday, January 14, 2014
i lost a little bit of my faith.

of course i'd love to further my studies.

no, it's not because i'm chasing after materialistic things.
it's not because i want to chase after wealthiness.
it's because i want to help the disastrous condition of this family.
i don't want "just a little bit". i want to help wholly.

after all, i make my own decision.
i know my motive is good, that i am not yet stranded off the path.

i freakingly rejected the best job in town that offered RM800++ per month because there is no offday on Sunday, which is the day i'll go to pray.

i admit, maybe i lost a little bit of my faith.
now i am going to give this tuition centre a try for one week.
if there are no GOOD NEWS for me, i might as well cry and die.

if this tuition doesn't work out, it's the end of me.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Monday, January 13, 2014
Edification Tuition Centre.

i decided to work on a tuition centre and it is called Edification Tuition Centre.
if it's not working out, imma scream and die.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Wednesday, January 8, 2014
a main point of the novel : EMBRYOS

so i've started reading books again and i had no time to go to the library, so i asked my sister to borrow some books instead.
as expected, she borrowed books that are not interesting.
since i have nothing to do, i started reading a book entitled "Sing You Home".

sure, at first i thought the book was actually awesome because the first chapter was good.
the author also includes the soundtracks while reading the book, which i thought was very wonderful!
[the page of the soundtracks is here >> http://pages.simonandschuster.com/sing-you-home ]

[each song for each chapter]

below are some quotations from the book which are very relatable nowadays.

after the third chapter or so, the protagonist [a forty years old woman called Zoe] found out that she was a freaking lesbian and she makes out with her bestfriend, Vanessa, which was a woman too.
and my reaction at that time was..............."THIS IS CRAP!!"
however, i continued reading anyway because i really hope that she'll realise she'd made a mistake, that it's just a phase that will soon gone, that she'll realise she's actually straight.

but i was proven wrong because she got divorced with her husband [Max] and got married Vanessa!
i'm not labelling or being judgemental but by reading this book, people might think that i support homosexual, which apparently i don't.

i'm not trying to be all saint and religious here but God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve nor Madam and Eve.

Zoe have infertility issues. before divorce, she tried to get pregnant through IVF [in vitro fertilisation which you'll learn in Biology] and she got three miscarriages.
another three embryos were frozen in a clinic.

this sounds boring and gross, i know.
so this lesbian couple wanted the three embryos so much because it's the only way they'll have a connected child ever.
Max wanted to give the three embryos to his brother [who's having infertility issues too] instead.
they brought this case to the court and blah blah blah.

at the very end of the novel, Zoe said that she'd rather give the embryos to him rather than letting the embryos to be destroyed.
after all the sobbings and cryings, and money flew away, after the case ended and Max won,
he gave the freaking embryos to the freaking Zoe...WHAT THE.........?!?!?!?
he could've given that earlier!

and i threw that book away.

my final thought about this book : "It's all about infertility and three freaking embryos"
and i just wasted my three freaking days reading it.

to be honest, i don't like this book.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Monday, January 6, 2014
lets fill our life with LOTS AND LOTS OF LOVE.

i am officially feeling very alone right now.
*screams hysterically*

since the school session has started, my family members went to sleep earlier than usual.
and there's me, having four folds of fat on my tummy, yet still eating in the middle of the night.

that's what happen after SPM.
you get that hunger spree where you just want to eat anything anytime at home.


just when i promised that i'll control my diet today, there goes the food sitting infront of me seductively.
my butt is even too lazy to exercise!
i might die sitting infront of this screen for too long.

at every end of the day, i decided to list down ten things that i am grateful.
today, i am grateful for : 

1. The extention plugs.
2. This laptop and all the computers.
3. Warm blankets.
4. Warm and comfortable pillows.
5. My family is still complete.
6. Directors of awesome movies.
7. Authors of wonderful novels.
8. I can still eat anytime and anything I like.
9. Internet.
10. I don't have to battle a cancer.

one thing that i can't accept and will never accept right now is that i am gonna be EIGHTEEN this year!
funny when how i was 15 years old, i thought that 18 years old people are old.
just in a blink of an eye, i am 18 and i still have the attitude of a child. LOL.

i want to feel blissful and contented every day.
i love this positive aura that i am having right now.

i want to thank God for giving me a reason to live in this cruel world.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Friday, January 3, 2014
IT'S 2014 BABY!!

i didn't expect 2014 to come very soon but BAM! here it is.
hence, i am 18 years old [not officially though until February] and i've been blogging for FIVE YEARS and TWO MONTHS.
you might say that this is not something that i can be proud of but screw you because i am proud that i have recorded 90% of my life journal in this little bloggie. :D

[my precious blog's archive]

to be honest, i don't have anything to look foward for this year.
i am afraid that i am not grown enough to face this big world's reality where anything that looks impossible is possible to happen.
i am not ready yet to be 18 years old right now.
i guess a person needs time to adapt to the changes in surrounding.

actually i wonder what new experiences i will gain this year.
i hope there will not be any bad moments because i have had enough of them in 2013.

i don't hope that the year 2014 will be the best year ever.
however, i will work hard to make that happen.

sometimes i am angry with my life. 
sometimes i'd like to just leave from all the problems that i need to be responsible for even though the problems were not caused by me.
sometimes i just wanna scream and curse infront of everyone but i never did because i don't use foul languages.
sometimes i just want to run away from every situation and disappear for a while.
sometimes i hope that i am invisible and people actually forgot my existence.

i hate feeling anxious because i can't help someone to survive because i am young and hopeless.
i am sick of being in hardships, i am sick of being in hard situations.
sometimes i wonder why was i born in this freaking cruel world.

there was once a quote saying, "If you keep on running from all the problems, it is a race that you will never win".
but what if the case is, it isn't my problem but i am the one who need to solve it?

as i grow older, i realise that life is hard.
i am being pessimistic right now but who cares?
the life right now really sucks. a lot.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-