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Friday, May 30, 2014
University life is TOUGH!

i just got back to my wonderful hometown yesterday.
oh you can't even imagine how happy i am!

basically, i miss EVERYTHING here especially the toilet.
i didn't take a poo over there because i still couldn't adapt to the surrounding of the toilet.
hence, i came all the way down here to take a poo at my own house. HAHA.

the orientation a.k.a Minggu Suai Mesra was OKAY because all the activities were placed inside this big Dewan Canselor with big airconditioners.
i was about to rate it as "SUPER OKAY" but then i remembered that we were not allowed to go back to the dorm because they said it would rain anytime [although sometimes their predictions were incorrect].
i had a free time from 4PM until 8PM but then we all got to stay there from 8AM until 10PM.
yes, you can imagine how unhygienic i was and i hate myself for being unhygienic.

next week, we're gonna start our class already and ugh i still am not ready for it.
in university, we all start from zero.
i don't think i can do it when i feel freaking HOMESICK all the freaking time!
i couldn't even sleep during the nights, remembering that i am not sleeping at home.

anyway, during the week, we were having a session of introducing ourselves.most of them were from popular schools.
when i told them that i am from SM. Saint Francis Xavier, most of them have that expressions of not interested.
i hate that. a lot.

but on the bright side, i met some cool people.

i only have one week of holiday for each two months.
im gonna cry out loud.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Saturday, May 24, 2014
say goodbye to my hometown.

i have almost finished packing my bags.

tomorrow is the day i will leave my hometown.
i will miss my bedroom SO MUCH!

i am tired, i am hungry, i need rest.
i am craving for KFC.

i will miss reading book peacefully. 

i will miss the rainy season in Keningau.


0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

for the first time ever in my 18 years and 3 months of living, i feel like i am suffocated.
it feels like there is no air that my nostrils can suck in. no oxygen at all. NADA.
i feel like i am in a rotten and smelly cage and it is so uncomfortable that i am gasping for fresh air.

for the first time ever, i feel like i do not care at all what happens to me or to you after this.
truth is, you caged me like a bird while you don't have the rights to.
even threatening me with your own life if i don't want to listen.
it had suffocated me a lot and now all i want to do is just run away from you.
who do you think you are? my parents?

this bird, soon, will fly far away from you.
you are sick, annoying and psycho.
psychotic bastard.

nothing feels right in my life.
nothing good ever happens and I HATE IT.
oh i feel like getting angry right now just by thinking about it.


i feel like i want to curse. i better stop.

going to listen to hardcore songs.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

5 days countdown.

no matter how mentally retarded i looked like to count the days everyday,
i still can't stop!

i trained myself to wake up at 8AM everyday for future benefits.
i can't seem to sleep more than 8AM anymore!
after this, i would need to wake up at 7AM or even earlier!

i heard from my friends that their first day of orientation was such a pain in the ass.
i hope we wouldn't need a pain-in-the-ass-orientation just to test our emotional strength.
please, no marching at 3AM, no brushing teeth unhygienically without taking a complete bath because i have had enough of them during high school camps!

i just bought a huge luggage that could even fit my lil bro or even myself.
just in case i need to bring the whole wardrobe with me.
[is that even possible?]

for this wonderful morning, let us listen to this nostalgiac song!

no matter how hard i tried, i still couldn't prepare myself mentally and physically.
i don't know how people are able to manage with that but i guess this is just a process of getting older.
if i wanted to widen up my view of the world, i should at least get out from here for a while.
i should travel a bit and be adventurous [which is never gonna happen].

i am gonna miss late night movies!

it is so not fair when you got to meet this person.
everything got so nice and flowing good but then you realised that you should stop before someone gets hurt.
different religion and i surely don't want to get involved with people like that.
i better stop or it will get worse.
it was never meant to be at first. i shouldn't take that chance to know that person better.
better leave it the way it is right now and stop seeking.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Sunday, May 18, 2014
easily depressed.

so there are stuffs that i am quite worried about.
oh get back to reality. it's not something that i am "quite" worried about.
instead, they are stuffs that i am FREAKING HYSTERICALLY gonna worry about until it is solved.

i have been patiently waiting up until now.
and the dead line is coming up.... still not solved.
it makes me feel like i just want to scream and cry and eat ice cream and sleep until the day comes.
fact is, i feel like no one is going to help me.
it's like i am all alone in this and sometimes i feel like giving up.

often, my pessimistic side just conquered all over me and it made me depressed.
i am easily depressed already.
not sure if it is because of my hormonal changes [for the upcoming menstrual cycle] or my personality has shifted to another.

i'll just go and get some sleep.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Saturday, May 17, 2014
two questions that have been bothering me.

hey guys!
i didn't update anything for such a long time and i doubt there's even one reader lurking around right now.
i think it is actually a good thing when no one reads my blog because people are so judgemental.
and i want to keep judgemental people away from me.

anyway, for this one week, i have been meditating at home, thinking about what university life would be.
last year, i thought of going somewhere far away from home that KK isn't far enough.
but this week, i suddenly think that being near to home is better because i am HOMESICK already!

so there are too many thoughts that have been running through my mind all day long everyday.
but here's two of them.

1) How do I take a poop?

how do i take a poop when people are passing by the toilet?
it will be so damn embarassing, i can't even imagine! AHHHH!!
this is such a first world problem.
what if they lean in and just smell the smell of the poo?
when i get out, they'll get to see my face and haunt me by saying, "Ohhh~ this is the girl that took a poo just now. Hmm, no wonder".
erm, what the heck?

my sister said that if you're already in the university, everybody does the same so it's a common thing.
there were even people who told everyone that they were going to take a poop.
but for the first week ever in university, i need some time to adapt to the changes.
i mean, toilet at home is the most comfortable toilet ever and you can NEVER deny that.

you know, public toilets.
more than 100000 people's bare butts have touched the toilet bowl that your bare butt is touching.

i haven't been there but i still want to go back home already.
homesick homesick homesick.
but i read some quotes before saying that i won't accomplish anything good if i am always in my comfort zone.
what's wrong with being comfortable is that you're feeling comfortable enought that you don't want to try something new [even though it is good] because it is uncomfortable for you.

2) Do I change my clothes after taking a bath in the toilet?

that would be soooooooo unhygenic and yucky if i were to take a bath in a toilet and change my clothes in it afterwards because my clothes will get wet and ugh, so uncomfortable.

my sister said that she didn't change her clothes in the toilet.
instead she just wore a towel around her and walked to her room and changed her clothes in the room.
of course, if your roommates are busybody, they will take a peek just to see what your underwear looks like.
if i have busybody roommates like that, imma be like

those are the questions that have been bothering my mind for now.
before i sleep, i will be thinking about that.
after i wake up, i will be thinking about that.

life. is. never. easy.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Sunday, May 4, 2014
Random thoughts

Hi. Its been a while, huh.
It is not that I did not update on purpose but I am just busy living and trying to fix my very exhausting life.

So far, there are some good and bad thinga that are happening.
I cant say that I am happy right now.

I realise that some things are not meant to be ours.
There are a lot of people out there who walk,talk,dress and live a better way than you.
So dont you dare to think that you are the only one
One day it will eat you inside and out.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-