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Thursday, July 31, 2014
i feel so insecure.

actually i've been keeping this for months already.
it feels like this year [2014] is just a little bit the same with the year [2011].
there are events that have resemblence between the year.

one of the resemblences is, on August i am the "Forever Alone Girl".
i just turned into one today. a day before 1st of August.

this is my own fault, for giving up too early just because of my paranoid thinking.
i wasn't like this before. i rarely gave up on something that has been going on only for three months.
oh yes, obviously i am blaming on the previous obsessive ex-boyfriend for my paranoid thinking.
regardless of how gross to talk about it here, it is true that the previous incident had left a deep wound inside of me.
i can't afford to experience another heartbreaking moment and yet, i am experiencing it right now.
it feels like hell.

i just couldn't stop this paranoid thinking of mine.
hence, i gave up.
i decided to delete this new person beacuse nobody would want to be with a person that has issues. for an instance, me.

dang. i am supposed to feel good but then i feel insecure instead.
thousands of heartbreaking films are playing in my mind right now.
they just won't let me sleep peacefully.

for once, i wish i had a carton of beer or a bottle of vodka beside me.
it helps for a good sleep.

i know, i am ego.
but i don't wanna put down my walls for someone who i have known only for more or less three months.
i don't want to believe people easily anymore because i have been cheated for thousands of times by the same person before.
lowering my ego means that i am putting down my defences and allow myself to get attached with someone.
i allowed it to happen before and the result was not good.
i am never going to allow it to happen again.

people lie.
as much as i dont want to believe it, but people will lie to you at least once.
i never believed it before. but after i got through thousands of spikes of poisonous lies, i never want to trust people again.
by trusting people, that means you give someone a privledge to hurt you.
they can lie to you wherever or whenever they want and you will still believe them.
they will take you for granted because they know that you will always believe in them.
i let that happen once, and the result never brings a good one.

only a believer's heart will get hurt.
the other one obtained entertainment.

that is exactly how it works.

as much as i don't want to admit it, i wish this person is different.
i was wrong. i am wrong. always wrong.

i'd rather be hurt right now for a while then get cheated on and be hurt for such a long time.
i have lots of scars and wounds inside of me.
spare me another.

you haven't called me.
maybe i am right to do this.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

i want my happiness.

i havent been enjoying my one week holiday at all.
today is Thursday and i need to go back to KK soon.

however, right now my life is just fine.
i would never want the happiness that i have right now to fade away.
i want this happiness to stay.

i went to Tambunan for three days and two nights with my old bestfriend, Anne.
i haven't seen her for such a long time!
man, time flies so fast.

[this is a throwback because i just recently got addicted with this photo grid thing]


[this morning]

[a few days ago :* ]

i realised that i am responsible for my own happiness.
NO ONE could ever take it away from me.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Saturday, July 5, 2014
curiosity killed the cat.

knowing that you have done way too many things with her made me fall into pieces.
it's true that sometimes there are some things we better off not knowing.
sometimes we are better off not STALKING people on Facebook.
yeah, i learned a lesson for myself.

although it is killing me inside, my curiosity just won't let me go peacefully.
i ask things, i get honest answers, i can't accept the fact, and i am running away.

even if it is in the past, it is still the truth.
and the truth can never be undone.

i regret meeting you in the first place.
i really do.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-