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Tuesday, March 31, 2015
So you think your are better than me just because I don't live the same way as you do?

So you think your are better than me just because I don't live the same way as you do?
You think my future is as dark as hell because I live the way I want to?
You can't just simply judge other people just because they don't laugh at the same jokes as you do.
Seriously, I am done dealing with these people.

Too even add with people that post things about their so-called-HATERS.
You wanna know harsh fact? You can't have haters if you are not well-known.
If not, then your attitude must be super suck. Oops, sorry not sorry.

I don't even know why am I talking about this because people like these think they are a freaking SAINT.
They should stop because nobody is perfect, so am I.

I don't know since when I got so chained up with rules until I even forgot how to live my life freely.
I realized it when me and my BFF spontaneously went to a swimming pool during the night illegally because we didn't register for the card.
We both didnt know how to swim but we jumped in anyway and talked to some random guys until the pool guard came in and we climbed up the fence and ran away back to the apartment while laughing hard.

At first, I was scared. But then after I climbed that fence, I thought to myself, Since when do I care so much about the rules? Since when I forgot to have fun?

There were some other events but I'd rather not share it here because keyboard warriors might want to use it to talk bad behind me.
You know I was once in trouble with a disciplinary teacher because of a coward person tattles on me, right?
But then that was years ago. I now knew so much better about defending myself.
I don't forgive though, for as long as I didn't get the apology face to face.
:) *as sarcastic as a smile can be*

[I found this amazing quote while reading the book]

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.
I just have to get out from my comfort zone and search for it.

You think I'm gonna be upset just because of some shit called "love"?
No I'm not gonna be.
That shit can go to hell,

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Tuesday, March 10, 2015
sadness conquering my mind

there's a freaking Chemistry test tomorrow and Physics test for the day after tomorrow.
i really don't have the motivation to study right now.
mostly it is because i feel to sad to even hold my pen.

why am i this sad? what am i sad for?
actually i feel extremely sad in everything, that even words could not describe.
i am very sure this is not another PMS. i have gone through that.
this is something different. and this something has escalated to a higher degree level of sadness.

i feel cheated.
i've been cheated last year and i got cheated on again this year, on the same freaking month.
i am in trauma, and i cant do anything about it either.

i’ve had a lot of terrible things happen in my life. and what i’ve come to realize is if you don’t say what you need to say when you have a chance…you’ll regret it. even if you’re mad, say it. scream it into the world while you still have a chance to. because once life passes you by, it’s gone. and so are the words left unspoken.

if i did not study right now and did not take this last sem seriously again, i am done.
i am completely done.
i am just simply tired of changing things, just so it feels so right again.

in the end, i learned that things are never gonna be the same anymore.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Monday, March 2, 2015
sleeping alone, again.

5 more minutes and it is going to struck 12AM.
I have a dilemma whether I want to further my degree course (Biotech, Biomed, or Chemical Engineering) in here UMS or stop and go to IPG.

Some tell me to continue here because my Foundation in Science would be such a waste.
Some tell me to go to IPG because the future is bright and guaranteed.
(Although I dont have any passion to become a teacher).
50% of me want to further in C.E. but the other 50% of me want to go to IPG.

I cant decide!

Anyway, I have been a total bitch for these past five days.
It's not like I want to get angry. It's just that I can not control my anger!
And I am constantly hungry and moody and emotional.
Like NOTHING ever goes right.
I think I am going to have my period soon and this is just a premenstrual syndrome.

12.01AM and I am sleeping alone again.
How can people sleep so early?!
I hate being alone at night.

Before, I used to sleep with my sister because I really cannot sleep alone.
When she went to UiTM, I started to sleep alone (with the lights on, of course) and surround myself with a pile of pillows. I spent two years doing that.
But now I am getting used to sleeping alone and waking up alone.
I still hate being alone though.

I will try to control my anger and I hope tomorrow there will be NO another fight.

Biasa sdh tidur saturang.

I'm sick of fighting.
I've been doing that since I was a kid and it has become very tiring now.
I dont want to fight anymore.
And I am not going to give up either.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-