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Tuesday, April 28, 2015
this is going to end anyway

a part of me already knew that it is gonna end anyway.
a relationship between two people who have different religion will never work.
well at least for me, it doesnt work.

i've been cheated for over 3 times by the same person and still gave all the fcking chances.
[i am hurt. i dont care if i curse anymore]
things like these keep on happening to me all over again.
the previous karma hurts me enough that i wonder why does it has to happen again.
i am naive. i never learned from the past. i never learned on how to walk away before everything became serious to me.

right now, all i know is i have to let go.
am i sad? i would have to lie if i say that i am not sad.
fact is, of course i am sad. but not until the suicidal point.
i have grown to believe that this life is meant to be like this.
you be happy first and on the next day you'll be crying or ass off.

i am sad, but not as sad as i was before.
i saw this coming. i can handle this.

this is why i have trust issues.
and i wonder when will i be able to truly trust in someone again.
i just need time. for now.

2 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Monday, April 20, 2015
i super duper hate being tickled.

last night i had a really bad dream.
hence, i could not sleep until it was 5.30AM++.

if someone tries to tickle me, i feel like i want to freaking choke that person to death.
do not ever tickle me. i will grab the knife and pull out your guts and splatter them across the wall.

did anyone also suffer from the bad dream where it feels like there were fingers coming up from beneath the bed and you got tickled very hard but your body couldn't move an inch?
i've been there before. and that is the hatest dream ever.
i've had that dream since i was little up until now.
it will happen for like 3 times a week.
why is that?

thanks a lot for ruining my good sleep last night.
damn you.

anyway, i think i forgot to mention on the previous post that our dinner was held at Le Meridien Hotel.
the view from the 3rd floor was so great and romantic.

too bad i didn't have a date to share this beautiful moment of watching the sun sets together.

this was my table, and my friends.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Sunday, April 19, 2015
A Night To Remember

So, yeah last night was our Gala Night.
Our theme was Dark and Light which I thought, why not choose something fun like Black Tie [tidak semestinya hitam semua. GOOGLE lah!] or Masquerade?
But then, it was fine also.

During the dinner, there were performances, awards for students that always came late and early for lecture, awards for network star, funny, bookworm, stylish and etc.
But then at first they promised an open karaoke! I was looking foward for it though.
In the end, there was none.

Overall the dinner was fun.
Especially the part where you took pictures.

[This is my outfit of the day]

[Ani, Anu, Ana]

[Actually this picture was taken candidly. I did waterfall braid by myself]

[Sir EB, our chemist tutor and lab demo. He has that charm that can melt everyone down]


[King of Dark, Pa'an]

[my long lost friend, Evenie. we've known each other since elementary school]

[my partner in crime, Belle. HEHE]

[Arwina, the pretty doll. OMG she looks so cute and her hair is just perfect]

[Keningau Team! HEHE]

[TraumaVajayjays Squad]

[Ryeeee yang pandai gila2 kadang2]

[kami tiga]

[Daus, the orang Ranauuu]

[Bonnie & Clyde]

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Wednesday, April 1, 2015
I am always the last choice

That feeling of being the second choice for the person that you put as the first choice.
It's not a good feeling. Every human being wants to be the numero uno.
You're lying if you say that you don't because we all have the human nature called GREED.

I just finished filling the four choices of course that I would like to take in my degree, which will be starting on September this year.
I don't understand why people think that you're only smart if you're a doctor.
If you perform academically, it doesn't necessarily means that you need to be a doctor.
If everyone is a doctor, then who is going to monitor the pH of water, who is going to construct buildings, who is going to farm, who is going to sell foods and etc. ??
You tell me.

Every freaking person around me tells me to take Medical.
Did they ever consider of what I want?

Of course it was what I said to the interviewer on March last year but what else am I supposed to say?
It's the answer that he was expecting and it wasn't like I have any idea about other courses.

[I did say here that I want to pursue in Medical during that time but it's not actually what I really want]

And seriously, my face there looks super hideous that I want to dig a deep hole and cry inside it for years.
There was even one article where my face got cropped like super cropped, until the picture box was fully fitted with my whole face only.
Passport-sized face. Yeah right.

[Can't they just put up a selfie like this?!]

[Or like this?!]

Anyway, first reason why I don't want to pursue in Medical Doctor is because I want to get married at 26 and have 6 children. Not more and not less.
Being a doctor means I can't get married the way I want to!
Tell me I don't know anything about it because I have an aunt who is a surgeon, and she can't get married at 26 because she was busy with her career.

Second, you're always going to be on call.
Imagine what's gonna happen when I want to spend some quality time with my family but I can't because I am 24/7 dealing with patients.
Of course, your salary is jaw dropping but money still can't buy love.
And without love, money is nothing but papers.

It is always better to eat bread and soup every day with your beloved family than to spend the rest of your life eating delicious foods alone.

So I told my mom that I wanted to further in Civil or Chemical Engineering.
She wasn't happy with it and she said no. She said, I want you to take medic.
I mean like, who's making the decision now? Who's gonna go study?
My dad instead, wants me to be a teacher and go to IPG.
I got the letter from IPG for Ujian Kecergasan Calon Guru (UKCG) but I ditched it.
Yeah tell me someday I'm gonna regret and karma is going to get me for ditching something most people want.

So I haven't told my parents yet or my siblings about the four choices that I made.
Conside this journal lucky to be the first one.
For the first choice, I did it to satisfy my mom. Medical Doctor.
Second choice, Biotechnology [the only option that doesn't include Physics]. Many people say that there are no jobs for Biotech graduate in Malaysia. So I am still thinking. I still have time before 11th April 2015.
Third choice, Civil Engineering. Although I HATE Physics the most but this job has the most vacancies.
Last, Chemical Engineering.

I still need time to think about it though.
Right now all I want is to relax and eat some foods and shop.
Some throwback pictures.

 Another throwback picture I found while browsing some pictures.
My roomie [sort of], one of my close friends here, and my lab partner.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-