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Saturday, August 29, 2015

It's 1.07PM and life suddenly gets harder, I don't know why. I was doing very good for the last three days. I really shouldn't have told another person about it. It makes moving on harder and things more complicated as I over think stuff. All the questions that I asked myself last night have revealed all the answers since Day One and it makes me sad because I can not do anything about it. Nothing can be done. In the end, selfish people are the happy ones. Why does it feels like what goes around sometimes won't come around? If it goes up, it feels like not going down right now. Does it mean we have to be selfish to be happy too? If people dont get back what they started, then what should we do? Should we just stay silent, accept that we got victimized by them and leave it be?

[three days ago where things were getting better]

I have grown to LOVE parcels! It feels great when you receive something you expect.
For example, my ordered items.

I seriously didn't expect that I will get it today because I ordered it three days ago!
I thought I'll receive it only by Monday and that's sad because I'm going to KK that day already.
But look. It's the first time I've felt so honestly damn happy in months!

[I even got four free items! Yay]

[And also a Nick Hornby book from Anis!]

It's wrapped so beautifully that I feel sad to unwrap it.
Haha but don't worry, I will show it later when I have made myself comfortable in my new dorm.

 [Payung ja sa mampu packing HAHA]

 My luggage. It is still as empty as my life.
I don't know what the heck am I doing with my life right now.
I got TWO DAYS left and I am wasting my time blogging nonsense instead of packing?

 The thing is, I completely have no motivation.
Can someone please help me pack~

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Monday, August 24, 2015
Getaway trip : What I seriously NEED right now

One thing that I hate the most is when people try to know what's inside of my brain.
When they do that, they pretend that they know what I am thinking or the way I think while they actually dont know a thing.
So they silently judge me for something that they have no clue about.
You can never understand or know a thing until you are in my shoes.

So for these past five days I have been looking for my inner peace.
Although I completely broke my rule of "No Contacting", I will now start again from zero,
I accept my consequences and I will live through it. Full stop. No more regrets.

Anyway, me and two of my sisters went to the heart of Malaysia, which is KL.
A trip for us because I seriously need to get out from this pithole of destruction.
It has been so much fun that I temporarily forgot all of my problems.
When I went back home again, all problems come swooshing to me non-stop.

Basically, that was our hotel room. We did not expect it to be that big because it could definitely fit one family there.
We stayed there for three days and two nights.

Before our flight, I went to Perdana Park KK where beautiful songs are played with windy weather.

At that moment, I thought to myself : I need to move on faster and start enjoying life again.
It is both a curse and a blessing to feel everything so deeply. To think things through with complexity.
One day I am going to appreciate this. This is the thing that makes me grow deep inside.

After that, I went for a hot chocolate.

The very next morning, I was feeling dizzy because I went out with my friends the night before that. HAHA.
I have realised long ago that drinking wont magically solve things.
Yet, I still go for it because I need to go out there and connect with people.
Share interests and create magic together. Maybe have an adventure too. Who knows.


[Nothing hurts with a little bit of self photos]

I was told many times that I was getting thinner. 
Yeah, I do admit that my weight at that time was 44kg and I always thought that was impossible.
I lost my appetite to eat. Seriously, I could suddenly vomit if I force myself to eat.
There were days where I did not eat at all, there were days where I eat only small portion once a day.
Could this be a blessing in disguise?

It has been proven that being emotionally sick is worse than physically sick.
Let's not get into that again and move on to the next subject, shall we.

[Took the ERT]

[Safely arrived. Yayy]

 [Attempt to do a sexy pose : FAIL]


I didnt do the flying fox because I am afraid of HEIGHTS.
I could suffer from heart attack in the middle of air and instantly die.

Swimming was fun, except there was this one same dude who followed us all the time.
He was everywhere.
Even when we were taking pictures, he slowly swam towards us..

We planned to go ice skating soon after that but decided that we're just gonna hurt ourselves so we just went shopping around.


Oji..... I dont understand why she likes to capture pictures of me like that!

We went to Aquaria.
I have serious obsession with fish. I am serious.
I love looking at the sharks and baby sharks.
Main question that I will always ask if I discover new fish : Can I eat this?

[Oji.... seriously?!]

[Found Michelle Phan's book! But it aint worth my money. HAHA]

[I seriously hate that picture infront of me. They be like "Look at us. And look at you all alone".

We wanted to go to the Petronas Twin Towers but the tickets are sold out!!
Should've had gone there earlier. Hmm.
Hence, we changed our plans and went to watch the movie Hitman instead.
Years ago, I have played the video game Hitman 2 and it was awesome! The movie was great.

[As for the very last night, we stayed here because it's the nearest to the airport]


 My trip would be SO MUCH better if I could just forget about all of my problems.
If I could just delete some memories.
Being away for a while is what I needed at the moment.

I was forced to go back home though to finish some matters.
At my current situation, going back home is not a good idea. But I have to. And I hate it.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-

Saturday, August 15, 2015
advices for me

I know I have said this before, but I dont blog as often anymore because I mostly update my life through Twitter and Instagram.
Plus, this country has no freedom of speech at all. People cant accept criticism and when they cant accept other people's opinion, they will either sue or jail you.
I once got into trouble with a disciplinary teacher because of my freedom of speech, remember?
So I want to stay away from these ignorant people as far as I can and start focusing on my life.
I am focusing on ME only. Nothing else matters.

Currently, I am also coping with changes in my life.
I am struggling with myself to stop talking about it. I will stop talking about it and I stopped talking about it.
I am starting a new life.

Every morning I thought to myself that even though I am an introvert person and as much as I love being indoor, I need to get out from this pithole.
I should not just wait around for magic to happen.
Instead, I will be the one who CREATE the magic.

Life is cold and cruel. No matter how many times you regret, how many times you cry over it, nothing will ever change. It will only make things worse.
You need to learn to stand up by yourself and leave the past behind.
Leave the bad past behind and start stretching for the great things ahead.

Sometimes there's no need for answer to everything. It is just an excuse for you to hold a little bit on, while you silently hope that the people who want to leave suddenly will change their mind. No. It is not gonna happen.

I threw away my ego side for the person that I love.
I freaking threw my ego away for the first time in forever.
That is why I am in this vulnerable and fragile state.
I should start building up my ego again so I can stand firmly.

Now I am out there, meeting new people, connecting with them and found back my self-worth.
After a break up, especially if you are the receiver, you will feel completely insecure about yourself.
You will start to think that you are not good enough and blah blah blah. 


I want to tell you that you are an awesome person and we will be able to get through this somehow.
Maybe not immediately, but eventually.

So go out there and spread your wings.

0 dropped words~

-ghost whisperer can't be heard-