feo's rants and raves

i left my phone dead.

2012-02-15T21:23:00.005+08:00

hey guys.
i'm in a good mood right now.
wanna know why? well it's because as soon as i get back home, i took a bath and i joined them [my eldest sister and Hamid] playing Frozen Throne.

first round, me and le sister VS Hamid.
after a while le sister quitted the game and there's left me VS Hamid.
guess the freaking what?

I WON!
actually the game wasn't over yet, but i was on my killing streak and he knew he was gonna lose anyway so he left the game.
NGAHAHAHA! B-)
like a boss.

after all this time, he's the one who always did the killing.
now it's my turn.
but still, i know his friends are way way way MORE pro than him so.. i still need to practice.

i was bored so i created sims for Katy Perry and her ex-husband, Russell Brand.

after i screenshot, the colour of the Sim's face became different.

anyway, i started to love my classroom.
it is so damn peaceful, it makes me want to stay at school until 5PM.
nobody can disturb me there.

just letting you know that i left my phone dead because i'm too lazy to charge it considering that nobody's gonna text me anyway.

those sad moments when my phone was ringing, i got excited but i found out it's from my classmates who asked about homeworks.
every single effing time.

so for the friends who wanted to inform me about something important, they'll need to message me through Facebook or Twitter.
though i rarely open Facebook.

the word of the day is,

i hope this day end faster.

2012-02-14T19:11:00.008+08:00

as expected, today's equal with any normal plain day.
except today was quite good actually since i was picked up earlier than the rest of my friends and my parents treated me lunch.

but all of those good thoughts are now ruined with this one simple thing :
i dreamed about something very very very super sad just now.

that dream was trying to tell me that if a person hurts you, there must be a reason for it.
i trust that this person who i dreamed just now have a good real reason or reasons for doing that thing.

ARGHT! why can't i just be evil and do the same thing to them?!
right. it's because i am not evil [well, sometimes].

overall, my day is just so usual.
NOTHING exciting happened to me and it makes me go

everytime.
every single freaking time.

i should've gone to eat some ice cream with Asmah.
instead, as soon as i got back home, i played games and went to sleep unitl 7PM.

i hope this day end faster.

so nobody gets to listen to that song that i made specialized for someone who might confess to me today.
hmph, too bad. it's your loss.
and that song is quite good too.
no. it is REALLY good. *poker face*

my 14th February of last year is way way MORE FUN!
i spent the whole day with my bestfriends and i have someone to text with during the midnight.
oh how i miss those moments~
2011 is, in fact, a lot MORE better than 2012.

Click here to read "My superb Valentine's Day".

it's not like im celebrating the Valentine's Day but, oh well.

while we were learning Chemistry today, i found a sorcery;

Fe = Iron,
O = Oxygen,
Fe + O = FeO.

B-) like a freaking effing boss.
NGHAHAHAHA.
well do you have one?
no, right?
so it sucks to be you :>

gonna go and spend the rest of my night with the books.
how exciting. *clap clap*

tomorrow is just a normal freaking day.

2012-02-13T21:51:00.006+08:00

tomorrow is just another normal Tuesday for me.
i can see that my friends are planning to celebrate the V Day with their significant others and some are having a Valentine's Dinner.
while i'm just staying silent, eating foods and going to continue my life as usual.

yeah i know, right?!
HOW SAD!
sucks to be me.

that's why i'm gonna keep myself busy.
tomorrow i'll stay at school doing works until 2.30PM.
get back home, do homeworks, play games and soon the clock will show 10PM and i'll go to sleep and then it's the end of that day.

...
...
...

OKAY OKAY I ADMIT IT
that i made a cover of this one cute little song just in case someone will confess to me tomorrow [which i can confirm now that it's very IMPOSSIBLE to happen so do me a favor and please pull the trigger on my head]

it's okay, Feo. it's okay.
it's okay to be have a normal day tomorrow.
you can't celebrate it anyway.
so you better off this way.

it's okay Feo.
don't expect, don't hope and most importantly, don't wait.
or else, you will be so damn disappointed that you will feel like crashing everything around you.

now i'm gonna watch the 54th Annual Grammy Awards so if you please excuse me :)
will update again tomorrow, just in case...
OH FEO! STOP IT!
you're going to eat ice cream all alone tomorrow. so please stop it gosh damn it.

a THIEF stole my school shoes and socks!

2012-02-12T11:21:00.023+08:00

guys! actually i've been wanting to tell you about my school shoes that's been mysteriouly missing last Friday morning but i thought the dog was the culprit so there's no need to tell.

HOWEVER! last night me and Lowong figured out that somebody STOLE my freaking shoes!

no, i am not telling NONSENSE.
i am serious and there's no way im gonna go all "JK LOL" at this critical time.
we suspect that there a thief broke into our house that Thursday night.

here's the story.
last Thursday, i came back from school and put my shoes at the center of the front porch.
usually i'll put it near the main door but that time was different because i was in a rush.

the night of the Thursday, i went to sleep early because i was exhausted and Lowong stayed up late until 3AM.
she claimed that at around 12AM, while she was playing computer, she heard weird sounds like the roof was bumping.
she neglected those weird sounds and turned off the computer and went to the living room to study.

she went to the toilet for like three times.
the stupid thing is, she didn't bother to look at the door near the toilet whether it's locked or not.
[my theory is, the door was not locked and that's how the THIEF get into our house]

at 3AM while she was about to go to bed, she heard THREE loud bumping sounds.
first, in our little shop. second near the kitchen and third in the kitchen.
it was so loud that it woke me up.
since i was too exhausted to wake up, i continued sleeping.

Lowong immediately woke my dad.
but they were too slow that the thief got away [based on our theory].
they turned every lights on first before going downstairs.

on the next morning, i found out that my school shoes are missing!
even my socks that i put on top of the shoes are missing too!

1. What kind of dog that can take a pair of shoes and a pair of socks without leaving footprints?
2. I know my dogs very well. Even if they bite those shoes, they would never take the socks.
3. Even if they took it, the shoes and socks can be found around the house area. I've searched around the house but I never did found the shoes and socks.

once again i'll make it clear, i am not making up a story.
i thought it was impossible but in this cruel world, every bad thing is POSSIBLE.
our theory is turning into a fact after we found some evidence last night.

the picture above is our broken Photostate Machine.
we covered it with that and there's a layer of thick dust above it.
guess what?
we found the fingerprints of the culprit.

[fingerprints of the culprit]

that Photostate is located at the front porch, near our main door and the lil shop's door.
how can it be coincidence?

Theory : The thief tried to break into the little shop at 12AM but realised there's still a person inside [which was Lowong] so he changed his plan, he climbed the short wall off the front porch using the Photostate Machine and hid beside it.

[fingerprints that show us he fell down]

so he fell down while climbing that and that explains why Lowong heard weird sounds.

[looks like a hand to me]

[BINGO! this is the culprit's fingernails! it fits for five fingers]

FYI, we NEVER ever touch the dust above the Photostate Machine.
the fingerprints and fingernails are clearly not ours!
why would we even touch the dust?

[near the short wall, there's this one shoe print!]

infront of the Photostate Machine, there was this big table.
and i crystal clear remember that i put my shoes beside that table, which is infront of the culprit's hiding place.

[that's the big table and that's the place where i put my shoes and socks]

another thing that proves our theory right is,
look at these pictures.

it's the SAME fingerprints with the ones on the Photostate Machine!
it's cuplrit's!

im becoming more like a Detective Conan here B-)
like a boss.

on the front porch, we have two little gates.
one of them is the little gate near the door to our toilet!
YES! when Lowong went to the toilet, she didn't realise that the door was unlocked!
that's where the thief got in!

[the little gate and that's the door to the toilet]

so he went to the toilet, he passed the kitchen, and he immediately went to the little shop.
since the little shop was dark, he didn't dare to take the risk to turn on the lights so he tried stealing the admin's computer but failed becauses he cant see the wire!

that's why Lowong heard loud sound coming from the little shop.
another evidence that helps this theory of us is,

Lowong clearly remember that before she went to sleep, the chair was like on the picture "Before". but on the morning she realised the chair's position has been moved just like on the picture "After"!

yes, my darlings.
since it's dark as heck, the thief can't see a thing, he stumbled upon that chair.
that makes the FIRST loud noise that Lowong heard!
she claimed that the first loud noise came from the little shop, right?

SEE?! EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE!
since he knew the way to the little shop, he must have been observing our house for a while now.

but, that's not the fullstop of this story.

the culprit PANICKED because he realised the loud noise he made might woke up the household.
he ran to the kitchen, he didn't want to get out from the house with an EMPTY hand, so he went to the living room and didn't dare to take the risk in turning on the lights.

Theory : In the living room, he might stumbled across something since it's dark. That explains the SECOND loud noise that Lowong heard.

he PANICKED again, he knew he need to get out from the house.
on the way out, he saw this vacuum near the kitchen.

FYI, it's been months since we didn't touch that thing.
so WHY would the handle of the vacuum is like that?!

that explains the THIRD loud noise that Lowong heard.

that vacuum was and is located near the stairs.
he might heard Lowong talking to my dad.
since only one or two minute after that Lowong and dad went downstairs, the culprit still have some time to get out from the house.

he went through the little gates at the front porch, he accidentally stepped on my shoes, my white bright shoes suddenly became DIRTY and black as heck, he's afraid we'll find out so he took the shoes with the socks on top of it and ran away.

by the time Lowong and dad went downstairs, the thief has already gone.

some evidence that proves this theory right is our main gate at that time has a little opening for the dogs - that's how the culprit get into the house area.
plus, on the next morning we found out that the little gates at the front porch have a wide opening for a person.

the dogs were barking really loud so we can't hear any slight noise.
since he knew the dogs doesn't bite, he must be one of our customers who we once told "Masuk seja. Tida mengigit tu anjing. Dia gertak seja tu"

anyway, that thief is ABSOLUTELY STUPID!
and i am angry with that thief for stealing my school shoes and caused me to go to school with an old pair of shoes that morning!

if only i can detect whoe fingerprints are those.
CSI! i need you right now!

i'm afraid that the thief will come back for the second attempt.
i'm afraid to go to sleep early.

we're very lucky at that time because if Lowong didn't stay up late, of course we wouldn't realise the loud noises.

thanks to God for helping us.
if not, of course the thief will already steal the computers and valuable things.

Coincidence or ...... ?
You're the one to decide.

those FOUR pilaks.

2012-02-11T14:22:00.013+08:00

Lowong was playing "That Should Be Me" by Justin Bieber on keyboard just now.
i've told her countless of times already to not sing that freaking song infront of me.
it'll not only remind me about those memories but it also have the highest probability that can make me scream hysterically.

anyway, today's good.
we have to go to school today.
most of the students were absent.

i woke up at 6.46AM this morning because my alarm clock wasn't ringing.
for the sake of Chemistry and Physic, i immediately woke up and rushed myself and finally managed to arrive at school before 7.30AM with a disappointed face because the teacher for our Physic class was absent.
i was about to kill myself. i was having a conversation with my brain, complaining that i should've just gone back to sleep and shouldn't go to school but my conversation was interrupted as our Maths teacher came in and i was glad i came to school afterall.

anyway, anyhow, anywhat, today's good [repeating the same damn thing].
except when i know that i know nothing about the Perbahasan Bahasa Malaysia.

OH! by the freaking way, the competition for English Drama and English Debate will be held on the same day! and the English Choral will be held the day after that day.
i need to pick one of them and it sucks because i want to join the three of them...

however, since the teacher really needs me to be in the debate team.... i dropped the Drama and the Choral.
i really want to be in the drama.. i was supposed to be the evil princess! i just love acting evil..

anyway, anyhow, anywhat,
i saw lots of CUUUUUTE kids at the school just now!
most of them were the teachers' children.

i was making a conclusion that most adorable kids are well-mannered while most unadorable kids are ill-mannered.

im watching a KDrama entitled "You're Beautiful" lately.
usually im not really [actually i am NOT] interested with Korean dramas or movies or songs.
but this drama is an exception since Jang Geun Suk is in it!
and the theme song is sooooooo sweeeeeeeeeeet!

[dont worry, i wont go around and say things like "he's my husband!" hysterically - like most of them usually do]

[everytime i listen to this song, my heart goes ARGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!! so sweet :) the lyrics are something i can relate with ]

so everyday im watching this drama while eating junk foods.
yes, yes. i have a double chin and i'm getting fat. in fact, i AM fat.
everyday i'll tell my brain "You hate foods. I hate foods. We're not gonna consume any" but i will always end up with eating more than usual.

[the culprit!]

hey, if you're my follower and i haven't followed you back, and you want me to follow you back, just shout at the Chatbox beside this post.

there's this one incident that really pissed me off today.
as usual, i went to the church near our school because they're gonna pick me up there.
UNFORTUNATELY, there were this four PILAKS loitering near me.

as expected, they started making those extremely annoying "Psssttt2" and "Peeewit".
i was so damn pissed off.
i HATE being mentally harassed like that.

i can no longer stay silent so i scold them.
i said, "Di gereja pun mau begitu ka?! Jaga tu manner!"
they turned their head to their back and pretended that they're not looking at me.
whoah so great. suddenly they didn't have the courage to look at me?
HAH. EAT THOSE SHITS.

i regret saying "manner" to them because they wouldn't ever understand the meaning of that word anyway.
i don't think they understand what i'm saying either since they're one of those worthless and useless PILAK group.
[some of the pilaks are good. but MOST of them, are NOT.]

[Sabahan Dictionary : "Pilak" means "foreigners who came from unknown country and have NO passport and they've been sent back to their country before by our kind government but they're still thick-faced and managed to swim back to Sabah and live here WITHOUT any permission at all"]

oh i am still pissed off.
how dare you mentally harassing girls even though you're just some THICK-FACED foreigners that have no PERMIT to live in here?!
know your position, bastards.

because of you, i can NEVER get to wear short pants here in Keningau.
wanna know why? because you came from an isolated unknown place that never saw a girl wearing a short pants before so it makes you gone wild just by seeing it.

okay enough complaining.
im gonna watch my darling dramas and movies.

too busy to play games :'(

2012-02-08T19:19:00.010+08:00

this month is gonna be such a busy hectic month [and i like it].
im involving myself in plenty of activities.
Perbahasan B.M, English Debate, Choral Speaking, a Dance for Sukan Negeri Sabah [which will be held at Kompleks Sukan Keningau], and Drama.
all to be done in this month.

i haven't memorized any of the scripts yet, i haven't searched for the debate text and i have lots of homeworks to be done at the same freaking time!
plus i'm the one who's doing the Scout's letters for our orientation camping.

[i'm Scout's vice secretary]

[our script. my teacher told us not to expose its contents]

i haven't searched for my topic for the upcoming ULBS [we'll be asked for the title of our topics and we'll do public speaking spontaneously].

ARGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!
i'm going crazy!
[and i like it]
i have no time to play games anymore!
[and i hate it]

mind you, i am NOT complaining.
i am just rambling my random thoughts and my uneasiness.
*sigh*

[i am the Netball's Form 4 committee member]

[i'm also the English Club's Vice President]

yeah. how busy.
now you know how busy i am and how burdening it is when every morning i'll walk pass below the school's building and there'll be humans who'll call my name.
i don't even bother looking up because ... i'm low self-esteem.
i hate my bangs.

[this picture gave me the same feeling over and over again]

a pointless post that i'm gonna post anyway.

2012-02-05T09:51:00.005+08:00

waking up in the morning with the song "The One That Got Away" by Katy Perry is a very good start for today [i hope so].

have you ever felt like you're hungry but at the same time you don't want to eat?
that's what i'm feeling right now.
a mug of milk will do it.

okay last night my dream was really ....... killing me.
how can i possibly dream about something that i really don't want to remember?
screw you, brain.
they are still talking about the V day!
seriously, there are like NINE days more.
still a long way to go for you guys to post your romantic statuses.
don't torture me with the thoughts of me being like this :

i cannot waste my time being in front of this screen all day long.
i will go to the library tomorrow.
you're free to kill me if the library is closed due to Malidur Rasul.

before i leave, i would like to share with you a picture from Tumblr.
fyi, i changed my Tumblr's URL because i'd rather to have it private from those people who i know.

[i always thought i'm the only one who did this]

[MY DREAM SON!]

ohhhhhhhhhh he's so cute~
i know at my age i shouldn't say stuff like this because people will think negatively of me HOWEVER! i'm gonna say it anyway : i want to have a cute little son.

a kind-of-fire actually broke out and i was half-awake.

2012-02-03T20:50:00.018+08:00

today i was really exhausted.

i couldn't wait for them to pick me up so i went home by taxi.

ohhhhhhhhh i really don't like walking by feet because i will feel really ugly everytime and nerenget [mind you, 'messy' and 'nerenget' is a different thing].

so what i always do whenever i'm low self-esteem is, i'll walk with my head down.

and i won't look at other people.

that's why there were some of my Facebook friends claimed that i'm arrogant because well, they're looking at me but i didn't.

it's not that i don't want to look but one of the reasons is, i am short-sighted already.

i couldn't see your face from a far distance.

second reason, i DON'T like to make eye contacts with people.

whenever people are shaking hands with me, they tend to look straight into my eyes while i'll automatically look down.

maybe some of you think it is very romantic for a person to stare into your eyes but i DON'T.

it's VERY uncomfortable for a person to stare into my eyes.

makes me want to slap the eyeballs.

but those are when i am in my low self-esteem.

if i'm in my crazy or friendly or hyper mode, none of above will ever happen.

back to the main subject,

i got back home, i took a shower, i played Frozen Throne with Lowong and the kids [haha i know what you're gonna say so shut up].

soon i was dizzy and i went for a nap.

oh damn it the nap was so damn NICE.

while i was taking a nap on the cozy couch, they [mom, Lowong, lil bro, and the kids] suddenly woke me up.

they went screaming [i really can't remember what they're saying because i was half-asleep half-awake] and i heard loud non-stop BOOMS! which sound like fireworks.

they were really panic and that made me panic too.

they ran outside, i followed them and i saw that the electrical substation's transformer was on fire.

[this thing is located to the left of our house's gate. i don't know what to call it actually so i call it 'electrical substation's transformer'.]

anyway, it was on fire, it was exploding and mom were screaming telling the kids to ran behind the house [which is totally ridiculous because the gate behind our house is locked].

soon everything was silent and we were fascinated by the beautiful fireworks that we just saw.

jk. they were all scared.

after a while, this one cute kid named Kalvin was making jokes with his friend Ivan about me going to that electrical substation and that thing explodes and i became bald.

they were all laughing until suddenly BOOOOOOM!!

everything was silent again....

as usual, mom became panic, they called the neighbour next to our house telling them to shut off the current like countless of times.

during that time me and Lowong went inside the house because it was so freaking embarassing that i don't want to live in this planet anymore.

imagine if you suddenly ran outside your house and told your neighbour that there was a fire broke off that they'll need to shut of their current.

funniest prank ever.

we called the dad and bla bla bla bla.

everything's okay and i went back to sleep.

the end.

Lowong said that it's very hard to wake me up.

she said she pulled my hair to wake me up.

the weirdest thing is, i didn't feel anything.

i mean, i didn't realise that she pulled my hair.

i don't even feel any pain.

it's been such a long time since i haven't talked about school.

well, school is being fine until there was this green book containing our school's rules.

which i found half of them were totally ridiculous and they make it compulsory to agree with the rules and that makes us, the students, forced to sign them.

im sorry to say this but this is what i think.

seriously, you can't sue me or blame me for talking about my opinions.

remember that we, the students, have the rights to talk about our opinions too.

don't suppress us just because most of us were still unfamiliar with the "Article 10 of the Constitution of Malaysia" that guarantees Malaysian citizens the right to freedom of speech.

i have been in troubles just because i was giving my opinions in my blog.

once i was forced to sign up things that were untrue and i was suppressed.

i was kind of blackmailed by this one person who told me to sign up things or i will get thrown out from the school.

i tried to defend myself but that person changed the FACT of what really happened.

well since i was still a freshly 14 years old kid back then, nobody will believe me.

they will only believe the adults.

now, i've all grown up and i WON'T let the same damn thing happened again.

i won't let myself being suppressed.

this time i will stand for what i think is right.

let's stop talking about that.

right now i have this mixed feelings.

you might think that i don't know anything.

but actually i noticed everything.

it's just that i choose to stay silent so that it won't turn into a bigger mess.

i understand why.

and if i were asked, i would refuse too.

but can't you at least tell me?

that'll mean something to me.

i will feel that i am something to lots of people out there.

it's okay though.

everything's fine.

though my instincts are always right.

we can't keep our burdening secrets by ourselves.

2012-02-01T18:32:00.011+08:00

it's 6.35PM and i just got back home.

i rode a bus for one day only because the bus driver couldn't pick me up at 1.35PM and 2.00PM so i cancelled it.
our class usually ends at 1.35PM on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday.
on Thursday, our class will end at 2.00PM.
or if we're lucky enough, we can go back home at 1.00PM.

see? my life is getting more busy and i like it.
mainly it's because whenever i'm busy, it prevents me from thinking about those unnecessary things that makes me want to throw my cellphone everytime.

back to the sentence above there, i got back home late today [5PM-6PM is considered late] because i went for a walk with my bestfriend.
we went to this one cafe, we ate lunch, talked about things and of course about secrets.
i just realised that it's been such a long time i haven't spilled my thoughts with my bestfriend.

we can't keep our burdening secrets by ourselves.
sometimes we need to let all of the burdening things that we've been keeping bottled inside for such a long time.
same goes to me.
if i were to stay silent with all of these awkward thoughts all by myself, i might've gone crazy.

how i wish we have all night long to talk but fact is ;

1. Tomorrow is school.
2. The parents won't allow us to.
3. I've got lots of homeworks.
4. Time won't wait for me.
5. School is tomorrow.

i checked my long-lost-but-i've-found HandyCam and i found these pictures.
i don't remember whether i've shared them with you guys before so i'm going to share one more time. just in case.
feeling bored? get lost.

[i love capturing beautiful moments. because picture lasts and moments don't]

guess what i was doing over there?
still remember about our night party on 13th October?
i was printing the tickets.

of course, they were all good.
except that my printer ran out of ink and i was forced to print them at those shops.
[those shops' printers have no quality at all so some of the tickets were FUGLY]

our last year's night party :
T.G.I.F Part 1 , T.G.I.F Part 2, T.G.I.F Part 3

oh puh-lease humans.
im tired listening to all of your 'Valen-freaking-tine's Day'.
i'd rather pull the trigger than listening to those craps.
i dont care okay. i dont care.
gosh. stop.

last but not the least, i've got lots of things to talk about but i don't know what.

i've been "sick". poker face

2012-01-31T17:49:00.015+08:00

i was supposed to go to Keningau Sports Complex today for our school's mini sports but i am 'sick', you see.
although i tried my hardest to go, i was still forced to stay at home.
*poker face*

i've been observing the Facebook lately and found out that people are now talking about the Valentine's Day [even though there are like 14 days left].
usually i don't and won't bother talking about this stuff [since it's impossible for humans to confess to me on that day just like what always happen in fairytales and movies].

BUT! there is a "but"!

when i saw their statuses talking about something like "Oh im gonna sing this song to my valentine on valentine's day. what do you think?",
i remembered about this one old song that i adored so much and i want to share this song with you guys so badly.

the lyrics are so damn killing me because they are so damn freaking sweet that im gonna kill my-freaking-self because im just gonna get fat and die or probably just shoot my-freaking-self with a gun during that whole freaking day of 14th February.

the first verse says
"You know, theres times in life when the person you really love
Just doesn't come around when you really need them
So if you feel the same
This song is out to you, listen"

oh no so touching.

"Dear cupid where ever you may be
Please point your bow and arrow shoot
one at me
I need to fall in love again
Someone that would not pretend
Someone more than just a friend
Cupid, break me free (Yeah)
Time is running out
I need one to be mine
Cause 14th of February
Im gonna need a Valentine"

okay im not gonna spend the rest of this post talking about how sweet that song is.
you know, im just gonna get a life and laugh on 9gag like i always do.
[seriously i can spend my whole entire life browsing through 9gag (if only i have that much life) ]

to change the subject,
i was about to share these pictures yesterday but i was too damn lazy to move a single muscle in uploading pictures in this blog.

these are the pictures that i captured on last last night.
they were the last but not the least fireworks for the CNY's closing celebration.

[do you notice that there were some purplish colour?]

[this was the part where every neighbour ran outside their house and goes "WHOAHHH LOOK AT THAT! *clap clap*" ]

watching the fireworks through the camera is totally worth it because those pictures are just so beautiful, i know.
HAHA. now praise my photography skills you ungrateful little bastards!
nah i'm just kidding.

i hate it when people always mistaken me for Lowong and mistaken Lowong for me.
every random person that saw both of us will say something like "Kamu kembar ka?".
every! never did one miss asking us about that.
they can't even differentiate which is the older sister and the younger sister.
fact is, they always thought that i am the older one [well maybe because i am taller].

even my parents always mistaken us!
and my aunts and uncles too!
for example, just now my mom said to Lowong "Feo~ bagus2 layan si Al".
the HECK?!
that's crystal clear that she's Lowong and not ME!

especially everytime i wear Lowong's shirt.
they will never miss in calling the wrong name.
*unsatisfied face*

ok i heard she was calling her "Feo" again.
*pulls the trigger*

anyway anyhow anywhat, i super LOVE the show "How I Met Your Mother" and i will never stop loving them. especially Barney Stinson. oh how i love him.

i've finished all of my homeworks!
[well, not all but most...]

a trip to KK with my bestfriends!

2012-01-30T16:52:00.027+08:00

i realised that i've been away quite for awhile now.

it's because i went for a trip to KK with my bestfriends for FOUR days!

all was fun even though there were some problems that's been really troubling me up until now.
oh let's not talk about it.
you dont want this post to turn into a boring sad emo post.

last Wednesday, i went to Anne's house and gave her that shirt.
actually i wanted to give her that shirt during her birthday but..... oh well.
anyway! yeap, i designed that shirt all by myself.
and Anne was the first one to see it.

[i made this design]

[im touched because that shirt is indeed beautiful]

on the first day, we lived in Anne's aunt's house.
i met her two little cute cousins named Kolie and Isaac.

[this is Isaac. i took this picture from Anne's album]

in real life, he's small, chubby and cute.
he only speaks in English and Dusun.
awwww he's so damn cute until that one time when i was playing Ultraman with him and he suddenly became wild and bite my arm.

but then on the very next day, he asked about my arm and said he wanted to treat my arm.
he even said sorry to me.
how cute! T-T
[how i wish i have a cute little chubby son]

[that little girl is Kolie. took this picture from Anne's album too]

Isaac always bully Kolie but the fact is, he really likes her.
during we were going to Anne's house, we brought Isaac with us.

as soon as we arrived at Anne's house,

Isaac : I want to meet Kolie! [he thought Kolie was inside Anne's house]

* * *

Me : Isaac likes to wear makeups?
Isaac : No. Im not a girl. Makeups for girls only.
Me : Ooh. So you like if Kolie wear makeups?
Isaac : *stares at me in the eyes* Yes. When Kolie wear makeups, very nice.

* * *

Isaac : *sleeps and suddenly wakes up* I wanna go home now!
Me : Why? You miss Kolie already?
Isaac : Yes..

HAHA.
how cute.

for the four days, we didn't have any good rest because we slept around 4 or 5AM every day.
we ate Maggie in the middle of the night [which is very unhealthy], we drank Milo and eat biscuits and shared our own stories.
we even made prank calls.

we went for Chinese New Year and i got RM40 only for angpao.
still better than nothing.

[Anne during CNY]

during the night after CNY, we modified those jeans and clothes.
the results were splendid.

[some midnight snacks]

on the third day, we cleaned up Anne's house.

[i put this on selftimer. still got the time to camwhore]

on the night of the third day, we went to Suria around 7.30PM.
it was a good thing that Anne's sister joined us.

[from left to right : Anne, Lanie, Bebeth]

we went for dinner [honestly, the chicken rice sucks and the service was very poor].

[what a serial killer's face i got there.]

[notice the short pants i was wearing? that's the jeans that we modified]

[the short pants that Anne was wearing is the one that we modified too]

lots of funny things happened.
especially when Lanie was not ashamed of camwhoring in there.
it's a good thing though.

soon, we bought tickets for the movie entitled Underworld.
at first we wanted to buy 2D because it started at 9.30PM but the slot was full.
so we bought tickets for the 3D and it started at 11.40PM.

as we were waiting, we went to KBox.
another funny thing that happened was, we cant find the place to insert the coins.
we get mad and changed place.
but actually we need to pay at the counter first and tell the room number.
LOL

im sure there were lots of picture that we captured but Lanie haven't upload them yet.
it's okay though.
asal ada. haha.

too bad Anne and her sister went back home first under some circumstances [i dont want to talk about it since it's very sensitive and .... it'll ruin my mood]
we waited and waited and waited and FINALLY!

the movie was quite unsatisfying since ... okay i dont want to be a spoiler.
you go watch it by yourself, okay?

overall, everything was exhausting but really fun.
because it was a trip with my BESTFRIENDS!
although there were some bad things happened, i wont remember about it anymore.
i just want to remember happy things and forget about those troubles.

i've got lots of things to tell you guys but i totally forgot.
will blog about it later :D

going to practice playing Frozen Throne with the little brother.
oh my gosh i shouldn't get this addicted!

wont going to school tomorrow anyway as im going sick.

is this flu? or........ bronchitis?

2012-01-24T10:34:00.003+08:00

this morning i have a trouble with my flu.
i woke up because my nose was sore and i cant swallow my saliva.

i drank hot water and ate 1/15 of my breakfast.
at that point, i realised that there is a mucus stuck on my oesophagus.
i cant even swallow the food!

so i Googled it and i found "try brushing the roof or your mouth (with toothbrush of course) and your tongue, brush far back in your throat, so it will almost make you gag or cough, if you have a easy gag reflex, it should cause you to start gagging/coughing and you can spit it out."

i tried it and i puked off my 1/15 breakfast.
man it was too gross that i have to close my eyes.
however, it doesn't work.
the mucus just wont get out.

so i tried the next suggestion [it is the best answer apparently], "Drink a BIG glass of water. This can be the result of dehydration"

i drank almost two big mug but i can still feel the mucus in there.
stupid mucus.

i tried this "Take 8oz of warm water and add 1/8 tsp. of salt. Stir. Use it to gargle with. I promise that it will cut through all that post-nasal drip you have in the back of your throat and you'll be able to spit it out."

i tried spitting hard and in the end it causes my head to ache.
none of it worked.
*sigh*

but then what makes me to jaw-drop right now is, the article says "If all else fails, consult a doctor. As you may be suffering from influenza or bronchitis."

are you like, freaking kidding me?

i Googled for the symptoms of bronchitis and,
"Often the mucous has a yellowish or even green tinge. Other acute bronchitis symptoms may include wheezing, chest pain, sore throat, muscle aches, fatigue and a low-grade fever. These symptoms generally last between four days and a week. A fever above 38.5°C (101°F) is suggestive of a respiratory illness caused by bacteria, such as pneumonia, and ought to be checked out by a physician."

bitch, my mucus is green in colour.
i did complain about having a sore throat last few days and that my back hurts.

oh shit.
could this be a normal flu or ....... something more critical?

sudden flu.

2012-01-23T15:19:00.003+08:00

i suddenly have this flu.
it's killing me that i have a runny nose.
i looked even more ugly and miserable than before. trust me, i do.

i hoped everything is going to be alright today.
it's my only wish right now - to solve the problem.
i bet you'll be like 'Oh my gosh. Talking about the same old boring "the problem" again. Im gonna stop reading these bullshits'.

i dont care.

it's been such a long time since i last upload any song cover.
i've been in my low self-esteem mode lately, realising that my voice is so damn ugly.
that's why i need to practice and practice and practice.
haish how i wish i have Christina Aguilera's voice.

anyway, here you go.
looks like this is the first keyboard cover of mine.

don't criticize.

having an unsolved problem is killing me.

2012-01-22T21:33:00.015+08:00

harsh fact is, i can't solve the problem today.
i will if i could but the fact is, i can not.
i hope that i'll be able to solve it tomorrow.

why do every time i try to solve it, there must be something that will prevent me from solving it?!
ARGHTTTTTTTTTT!
i can't take living with this unsolved feelings anymore.
tomorrow is a must!

anyway, my friends texted me but i have no credit to reply them.
[to be precise, my credits have reached its deadline]
i don't see any reason of why i should have a phone or why i should fill its tummy with credits anymore.

i start talking about truths and honest things.
it's not because i want to hurt their feelings but it's because i'm just really tired of being nice with those who never cares.

of course, one of my 2012 resolutions is to "be a good and a kind person".
but i can't see any point in being good and kind with those who never notice what you've done.

i have not accomplish anything today.
the happiest thing that have ever happened to me today is : eating lots of junk foods and soda drinks [too bad there's no Cokes :( ].

i am getting fat and i don't give a damn anymore because i've got no one to impress so hell yeah, i'm gonna do whatever i like and eat whatever i want to.

lately, i've been learning on how to play this Frozen Throne thingy [i refuse to call it the effing "Dota"].

[the 40/0/1 means i've killed 40 times and i've been killed 0 time and assist 1 time]

yeah i know, i know. i can't believe myself that i am that pro B-) .
HAHAHAHA! jk jk.

i was playing with the "WTF" mode on [where the mana will not decrease] so no wonder i won.
but still! this is considered good already because i was fighting with insane!
[i mean, me, Lowong and Al were fighting five insanes]

[while i was capturing screen shots, the ugly enemy took the chance to kill me once =_=]

this ugly Lightning Revelant is so damn powerful oh!
just click the power for countless of times and every stupid enemy will die.
[padahal main "WTF"]

and then, jeng jeng jeng. . . .

Al [that "jasoN" down there] refused to play with us because i know i am more pro than him even though he start playing this game earlier than me.
he cant afford to lose so he claimed that he's not playing with us, instead he'll sell items/health/etc.

HAHA!
let me practice for like months and for sure i will be able to defeat a human >:D
aiseh high confidence kunun. sekali tingu kalah ni. haha.

now i understand the feeling of neglecting the world just to play this game.
if i have a boyfriend right now, for sure im not gonna reply the text messages in a short time just to concentrate on this game.
no wonder all those girlfriends are going bserk when their boyfriends neglect them just to play this thing.
it's addictive and once you've won, you'll get all cocky and looking foward for the next game.
kalau main sama kawan-kawan ni memang siok ni.

as for CS, i've got some improvements in using the ugly AWP!

nahhhhhhh! hahahaha.
but still, not yet pro in this :(

it's like the world was on my shoulder.

2012-01-21T14:48:00.012+08:00

i have not yet solve my biggest problem, but i am able to solve them today!
since Billy couldn't help me today, he's gonna help me tomorrow.
so, my problem is probably gonna be solved tomorrow!

i dont expect for good things but i expect things to be BETTER.

i cant believe i can solve the problem this easy.
if only i knew i could solve it this easily, i would've done it sooner.

ever since after that incident, my dad was trying to talk to me.
while he was driving me to school, he was trying to make jokes with Al about me.
i didnt laugh though. i was just staring outside the window.
[i almost laugh when Al said that i looked like Halimah Juling - but i didnt anyway]

yesterday i was forced to talk to him because i needed his money.
urght. how i wish i could do a part-time job so that i wont need to talk to him and i wont need to ask him for money.

i want to thank God for helping me to get through all of these.
i admit it that i prayed every day, asking some help, but nothing happened.
yesterday i realised that nothing happened because i didnt work my butt off!

i cant just sit there and wait for miracles to happen!
i need to make the miracles happen!
and it did happen today!

i hope it will happen tomorrow too because from now on im gonna work hard and be careful so that i wont get involved in any big problems anymore!

i appreciate those people who have helped me indirectly.
they dont know that they have helped me so much.

i appreciate every little things that i have.

i will start to count my blessings.
for example : even though i dont have an iPhone, i have my own laptop which those unfortunate kids out there dont have. i need to be grateful and should not be grumpy.

i will cherish every moment and take every chance.
i should not regret because life must go on.
regretting will make us stuck in the past.

like i've promised, im gonna laugh my ass off when my problem is gone.

now i trust the sayings :

It might be stormy now. But it can't rain forever.

last year's pictures :

[i miss my nails :'( ]

yes, i am interested in makeups and nail arts.
anything that got to do with painting and arts.

[kind of proud with my long curly hair]

i think i should curl my hair.
what d'you think?

picture explains everything.

2012-01-20T18:20:00.002+08:00

i realised that everytime we're happy, the trouble will search for us.
we cant be happy permanently in this cruel world.
living in this world means we'll need to live in despair.
the only question is whether we survive or we gave in.

sometimes im just tired of trying hard to survive.
but i never did gave in.
i am tired indeed but i never did let myself fall into the hands of this world.

*sigh*

beautifying the classroom - a boring post.

2012-01-20T16:23:00.011+08:00

just got back home from school.
there are lots of bad things happened today but you'll want to skip it so....

Asmah told us that our attendance will be taken because it's compulsory for us to go to school to beautify our classroom.
in the end, most of the students in our class were absent.
and Asmah didnt even take the attendance as stated the day earlier [she claimed that she'll remember the faces who came today and those who didnt]

suddenly i feel like getting mad and go bserk.
seriously i could've done something more beneficial today such as : solving my current problem.

i waited for like one hour and a half at the church for my mom to pick me up - she picked Lowong first.
after that, i was all stressed out because i was exhausted, dizzy and i felt like puking off.
i even forgot to return the books that i've borrowed from the library.

every Friday SUCKS! a lot.

i went to sleep, i woke up and decided that i'll be taking a school bus after the holiday.
taking a school bus is always better than waiting for hours.
[i hate waiting]

so, as the "Ketua Keceriaan" of the class, i was making our front door's sign.
it IS extremely hideous that i cant even look at it.
but since i was lazy and sleepy, i didn't even give a damn to beautify it.

[always sketch before drawing]

[i managed to camwhore for a while]

[the colour doesn't match!]

if you're wasting your time complaining about what i have done for the class, why dont you waste your time to beautify the class instead of complaining?

me and Vian were supposed to go to school early this morning.
when i was getting ready, my mom told me that they're gonna send me at 8AM.
i objected but there's nothing i can do so i went to play the computer.

at 6.30AM, they told me that they're going to send me already.
what the heck?!

when i want to go to school early, you will send me late.
when i want to go to school late, you will send me early.

soon i received a text message from Vian saying she'll be sent to school at 7.30AM.
when i arrived at school, sadly there were only five of us.

i was all alone so i started to do my work.

[ugly red-faced Mr.Pringles]

and then i made the "Sudut Bacaan" sign.
soon, my friends came and bla bla bla bla.

[Vian and Shima]

[wall model]

[Shahrul and BRAyen]

[Mimi. she's really GOOD in English]

[green shirt : Herry]

though i dont really like the colour green.
*sigh*

while they were doing work, i was wasting my time capturing random pictures.

[was playing with them. notice the spider on Vian's shirt?]

the funniest incident that happened today is, Vian locked us up but she's the one who couldn't get in.
after a while, the kind Asmah gave her the key, she opened it but the paddle lock was stuck.
i thought we will need to call for the security guard to bust the grill.
soon, the hero Asmah came and after lots of hard works together, the grill was finally opened.

*clap clap*

[taking the chance to capture this picture before helping her]

i actually love our class because we could leave any of our things inside it since we can lock the class!
we have tons of homeworks to do in one freaking week.

my stomach is bloated but i am hungry.

over-thinking leads to stupid thoughts

2012-01-17T18:32:00.008+08:00

oh gosh.
imagine if you're with someone who likes you but you dont like them back.
i found that it's extremely grossing me out.

im sorry for saying cruel things like this but still..... it's utterly gross.
[truth hurts, bro]
i've been trying to avoid it but at the same time i dont want to hurt other's feelings.

what a mistake.
what a mistake.
what a mistake.
what a mistake.
what a mistake.

look at my lil bro's comment.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
i almost died. i wanna kill myself because im too proud that my lil bro is too innocent.
*crying a river of tears*

out of a sudden, i miss the moments during 13th October 2011.
i miss staying up with my bestfriends at 3AM.

i dont know why but it's been one month already and i am supposed to get over it.
i still remember those moments and it keeps on repeating in my head over and over again like a film rolling without a sound.

suddenly my thoughts told me that i dont care if i am not appreciated.
i dont care if i am taken for granted.
i dont care if you say sorry to me a thousand times but you dont mean it.
i dont care about anything at all as long as you stay, okay.

oh gosh this is so corny.

it's like you've cast a spell on me.
now i am enchanted to keep on waiting.
damn.

but no, im not gonna chase after you.
you've let it go so damn easily.
i want you to fight for it.

if you dont, i am fine living with this stupid thoughts.

most old men are pervert.

2012-01-17T17:35:00.004+08:00

worrying wont stop bad stuff from happening.
it just keeps us from enjoying the good.

i promised that i will scream like a mad person as soon as my problem is solved.
i will laugh loudly and smile big and dance freely and jump and bend my body.

my lil bro is being annoying as hell lately.
plus, his face looked like a hippopotamus. seriously.
it's because he lost two of his teeth.

anyway, i realised that this blog is filled with emo posts and such things like that.
i know, what the heck right?

so i want to tell you guys that during our sleepover, me and my bestfriends played Omegle.
we found four handsome guys overall.
the rest were all perverts and old.

[look at our happy faces. we totally melted over that guy]

[this one looked like a Bieber but he looked so damn freaking dull so we disconnected him]

[this cutie is from Brazil]

[how cute! XD HAHA. feels good to be single]

[oh and this one is YOUR boyfriend]

undeniably, Omegle is full with pervert Indians.
just control your hormones, old dude!
Omegle is supposed to be the place where hot teenagers hang out together!
*sigh*

i forgot to tell you guys this one story that i wanted to blog a few days ago.
last week, my mom treated me lunch to this one restaurant.
we passed by a little shop that will fix any handphones.

and i accidentally saw this one old man [the shop's Big Boss maybe] surfing through Facebook.
guess what he was staring at?
he was staring at a sexy girl's profile picture.
i saw him browsing through her sexy and hot pictures.
soon, he browsed for another sexy girl to look at.

THE HECK?!
why old men are mostly PERVERT?!

world world world.

a post dedicated to some people out there who disagree with my previous previous post.

2012-01-16T14:56:00.021+08:00

as i've already expected, there are some people out there who will disagree with my previous previous post about me saying that i wont respect my parents anymore.

as i woke up this morning, there's this one person sending me a cute message saying "U hav to respect ur parents, whatever they did or said to you. juz let it be, dont ever say any rude things towards them.i've learned many lesson n mistakes n we know we r rebellious in those young stages. if you really loves u parents, u must stop being rude to them. smpai bila kau mau benci dorang? tunggu dorang teda sda baru mau p syg? I know you got your own problems, but u have to behave or u may getting worst. bible is useless if ur not behaving wisely. juz love u parents".

am i the only one who feels like crying because there are lots of grammar errors in that text?
oooops im not trying to be a grammar nazi here but HAHAHAHAHA!

what's up with not being able to differentiate between "your" and "you're"?
what's up with the "if you really LOVES you parents" ?
HAHAHAHA! i tried hard not to over-laugh here.
ahem! pardon me for laughing in this serious-kind-of post.

oh there's no need to thank me for taking my time in blogging about this.
it's very necessary for me to blog about this so that those people out there who disagree with my previous previous post will read this and think twice before jumping into conclusions.

if you've been reading my blog after all of these time, you'll know that i've said things like i wont respect my parents before.
and you know that i did respect them anyway.

did i say that i hate them?
did i say that i dislike them?
a big freaking no.
i didn't say things like that.

that makes me feel so sad for that person who texted me that cute message.
i can't even see what's her main point in texting me those kind of things for i have already know.
it's very UNNECESSARY for her to text me GENERAL things.
seriously, can't you at least text me a wise and jaw-dropping message?

i replied her message, "Oh so you think I don't love them? You don't know anything so please shut up because I didn't tell you from my own mouth of what exactly happened. And did I say that I hate them? Did I say that I dislike them? Like I've said, you don't know anything. There's no need to tell me those things for I have already know. You expect me to heal after being treated like that in a short time? You know it takes time. How many times I've said that I don't respect them anymore but I did anyway? Hah."

guess what she replied?
she replied, "What a pain in ass u had there. pity on u. Btw u can continue ur stupidity whenever you want. Juz dont hurt their feelings. Thx 4 replying anyway".

thank heaven she got to use "your" correctly this time.
awww~ she thanked me for replying her message even though everybody knows it's very necessary to explain things to a person who dont know anything.
how sweet.
*trying my best not to laugh in disbelief*

i replied, "Haha. :) Thanks for being busybody and wasted your time to read my blog and texting me nonsense (which I can't even find the main point). What a pleasure. Bye Mrs.Know-It-All."

it makes me sad because she's being a real busybody here.
but what amazes me is, she got the nerve to say things that she clearly DON'T KNOW at all.
that's why i said, she's a Mrs.Know-It-All.

now i feel like singing this song for her :

Mr. Know It All
Well ya think you know it all
But ya don't know a thing at all
Ain't it, ain't it something y'all
When somebody tells you something 'bout you
Think that they know you more than you do
So you take it down another pill to swallow

'Cause baby you don't know a thing about me
You don't know a thing about me
You ain't got the right to tell me

i've already say goodbye but she insisted on replying, "Oh yea satu lai, stop using abusive words to our parents okay, respect them. -from:ImNotUrSister- InTheEndWeGetOldnDie"

HAHAHAHAHA! i just laughed in disbelief. sorry.
yeah, she's my biological elder sister.
maybe most of you are wide-eyed right now.

she really needs to learn a proper English grammar before speaking in English language.
im not trying to be a perfectionist or such things like that but i pity her.
:(
*trying to state the fact that a person who couldn't use a proper grammar is not my biological sister*

the thing that made me laughed out loud is, "from:ImNotUrSister".
HAHAHAHA. sounds like a 12 years old kid, huh?
just rearrange the order of the number.
a 21 years old human who sounds like a 12 years old human.

abusive?
let me give you a definition of the word abusive.
abusive means "extremely offensive and insulting".

well, the word "budu" in Sabah is too common.
i dont think that it's EXTREMELY offensive and insulting.
most of the residents in Sabah always use that word in every situation - should it be when laughing, telling stories, telling opinion, stating something true or during an argument.

i replied for the last time, "Bhahahaha! Such a childish remarks. Okay~ though you mentioned about Bible before and Bible says we need to love our brothers and sisters. Oh no need to reply this message."

ha! there you go.
stop mentioning about Bible if you, yourself, can't even live in Bible's standards.
dont be a hypocrite because i despise hypocrites.

in every debate, i never did mention a thing about Bible unless the other party mentioned about it first.
why? because i dont want to act all oh-Bible-says-this-and-that-but-I-never-followed-it.
see the point here?

i hope everything that i said makes sense to you guys out there.
dang. i've got lots of homeworks to do.

last but not the least, i want to apologize if i have used 'abusive words' before.
who never did use such words if they're in fury?

will be updating again soon :D

i am tired.

2012-01-15T15:01:00.004+08:00

today's Sunday.

i just get back home from my bestfriend's house.
i cant stay too long over there considering that i cannot skip my classes - or else, i'll be uneducated and more problems will come.

yesterday my mom called my phone but i ignored it.
she texted me, asking where i was and told me to call her if i want to get back home and she'll pick me up.
i ignored all of those.

my heart is as hard as a rock and as cold as an iceberg.
do you think that you can easily fix your mistakes and i can easily forget about it?
pffttt. it's my lovely ass saying hi to your nonsense.

NOTHING can break this icy cold towards you guys.
i am not hating you but i DESPISE you.
i cannot look into your face because if i do, my rage may grow and i may go bserk.

what's done is done.
you wished you can go back in time but this is the reality. you cant.
i am sorry to say this but i DONT and will NOT respect you anymore.

you never did respect me.
so why should i respect a person who always try to bring me down?

anyway, as soon as i get back home, i was trying to fix my other problems.
i almost gave up on life because this world is too cruel for a mere human like me to survive.

im praying everyday so that i'll have enough strength to solve my other problems.
i have lots of problems until i am afraid to be happy because everytime i am happy, troubles will hate it and so they'll come into my life to ruin it.

i am tired.
i need a break.

thoughtless father and silent mother.

2012-01-14T19:10:00.009+08:00

[drafted this post yesterday (Saturday) and published it today (Sunday) ]

today there's another unexpected problem appeared in my life.
troubles really love me, huh.

im gonna give you full details about what happened in my house just now.
for those who are reading this and disagree, you can try to sue me and get humiliated because you cant sue a person who tells the real incident of what really happened.

i woke up in the morning and we were going to have a Bible Study at that time so i was getting ready and there were customers so i cleaned up the shop and do my usual routine.
as you've already know, our PC cannot install the Admin Client because the PC will automatically restart if the Admin Client is active.
so, we're doing the manual thing - record the time on a book.

the customers started at 11.35AM and ended at 12.35PM.
[take note of the numbers.]
i wrote those numbers carefully, i know what i was thinking, at that time i know i can still think well.

soon, my parents came back home and the dad suddenly called me with an accusing voice.
you know that i've already have LOTS of troubling problems until i cant sleep at night and i looked way more miserable and stressed out than before.
so every little thing can piss me off during that time.

he said "Melampau juga kau tulis masa dorang habis jam 10.35PM!".
so i explained that i wrote 12.35PM and not 10.35PM.
he DID NOT believe me, he kept on accusing that i wrote the WRONG number.
i know, it's my mistake for raising my voice at him but he PISSED ME OFF and i have lots of troubles already so why keep on putting all the blames on me?

if everything goes wrong, the first name to be accused is my name.
he gave me an accusing look and still didnt believe me even i've already explained.
even a 6 years old kid could understand.

i was like 'Hello? I can still think. Am I that stupid to write '0' instead of '2'? Why would I deny it if I made a slight mistake?'.
he kept on giving me 'that' look and it felt like he was trying to make me feel GUILTY.
like EEEEEEEEEVERYTHING is my fault.
EEEEEEEEVERYTHING goes wrong because of me.

i walked away because there's no use to talk with a person who refused to believe you but asked explainations from you.
while i was walking away, i said "Buduh. Lain kali pakai spek mata".
i know that's my mistake.
but that's the HONEST thing. since he's old and his vision is getting blur, he really should wear a pair of spectacles.
for accusing me and chose not to believe my honest explainations, he was indeed stupid.

i know even though it's HONEST, i should not say it.
but since he's already crossing over my patience limit, BOOM! there you go.
every honest things are said.

after that, guess what?
i walked away to the kitchen and he was UNSATISFIED with me.
he brought along that book with him and he pointed to the number "2" that i wrote while saying "Kau tulis 0 ba tu! Kau jangan mau menipu sana!".
i was like 'What the heck is wrong with this old man?'

as soon as before i could explain for the @#$%th time about that, he HIT my HEAD with that HARDCOVER BOOK.
my ego IS way too big than my head so i kept on explaining the REAL things in a rough way.
it's my fault to be rough with my own dad but like i've already said, he's crossing over my limit.

while i was explaining, he kept on hitting my head with that freaking hideous book.
considering that i cannot hit a dad, i walked away to the living room.
guess what? he CHASED me.

he kept on beating me and hitting me.
NOBODY HELPED ME.
i said NOBODY.

i cried not because i am weak but it's because :
1. I am not 101% wrong.
2. I was accused for being guilty even though I am not.
3. I really write "12" and not "10".
4. A dad should not hit his own DAUGHTER - unless I am his son.
5. No one can deny that he should wear a pair of spectacles before reading. Therefore, he is stupid for not thinking in a MATURE way.

dear adults, if you think you can prevent your TEENAGE DAUGHTERS from being rebellious by HITTING and BEATING them NON-STOPLY, you're COMPLETELY WRONG.

the more you hit, the more worse they'll become.
even a 16 years old kid like me know about things like that.
you're 50 years old already! for heaven's sake!
act like an adult!

it's the same with the sayings "You can't end VIOLENCE with VIOLENCE".
the word "stupid" means "the inability to think well".
it's not wrong for me to say that you're stupid because i am telling you the truth that you CANT think well.

think about it.
why in the hell would i lie if i did a SLIGHT mistake like that?
if i did write "10", it's NOT such a big deal, isn't it?
you need to think RATIONALLY.

after he was beating me in the living room, i ran to the front porch and was hoping he would stop hitting me.
but he DID NOT.
at that point, i knew that HE JUST MADE A HUGE MISTAKE.

i am a daughter so treat me like one!
dont you know that you can be called as a CHILD ABUSER?

nope, he did not stop hitting and beating and he kicked me.
at that point i was VERY VERY angry, i wanted to punch his face but i cant because he's still a father.
i stopped running, i stand and i looked at him, hoping that he would stop.
he hit my head. he told me to get out from the house.

he said "Tiap malam kau pigi menyundal sama laki-laki".
there. it proves that he's stupid because every night i am stuck in this house.
except for last night that i went to Anne's birthday party.

seriously, Anne's mom was there during her birthday party.
i dont even have a boyfriend and i dont even giggle with the guys and i am not a horny freaking bitch.
he thinks that my standard is THAT low.
i am not that low, old man.

true, you're the one to raise me up, fed me and bla bla bla bla.
but that's NOT a reason for you to BEAT me, to HIT my head, to KICK me out from this house, and to talk LOWLY about my DIGNITY.

i have my own EGO and PRIDE.

i wont forget how many times you've hit me.
my heart hurts a lot more than my body hurts because you were suppressing me.
just because i am still a 16 years old kiddos, doesnt mean that you can easily put all the blames on me.

i have my own problems and troubles too.
all of them are unfinished and now you're adding them by accusing my mistakes?
by searching for my mistakes and keep talking about the past?

seriously, dad. GROW UP even though you've already grown up and think in a MATURE way.
do you think that BEATING is relevant to say that your teenage daughter is wrong?

COME ON! im a teenager!
i am in my rebellious mode and you're an adult who should fdnuasxhbasnjdxkasmxjika,xa.

ARGHTT! i dont know what to say anymore.
because all you can do to prove me wrong is beating and hitting.

YOU are the one who makes me the way i am.
dont blame me for not being good enough to be your daughter.
blame YOURSELF instead for not being able to understand your daughter.

while i was beaten up, my mom just sat on the couch and guess what she said?
"Lain kali jangan melawan".
WHAT THE HECK?!

other mothers would be in panic and will stop their husband from hitting their children.
undeniably, my parents are the worst.
how can you stand sitting there and watch your husband beating your own daughter?

guys, do i deserve being treated like that for a SLIGHT mistake?
for a common mistake that MOST teenagers do?
did i deserve getting beaten up, kicked out from the house and humiliated?

is my education not good enough for you guys?
do i really need to be stuck at home, living with the same routine every single freaking day?

NO I AM NOT A ROBOT.

i knew that you've been keeping inside your heart that you hate it when i went to parties during day and night.
you're searching for my mistakes so that you can release all of the things that you've been keeping inside.
am i not right?

if i am not right, then why would you keep on talking about the past?
it's out from the topic already.
from me writing "12" to the me going out at nights.

i packed my bags and i ran away from home.
at that time i was unable to hold my tears anymore.

i really love my bestfriends because they are always there for me.
im glad that they're my bestfriends.

i went for a sleepover at my bestfriend's house and they're all there for me.
they're all encouraging me during the times of need.
i am very touched that they are free-hearted to help me.

thanks, bestfriends :)

my thoughts are killing me. it's troubling me.

2012-01-14T10:19:00.004+08:00

hey guys. good morning guys. have a great day guys.
it's me again, the boring saddest girl in the whole entire freaking world.

last night i cant sleep.
my thoughts kept on wandering to some places that it should not go.
especially the problems that i have yesterday - it's still my problem for today and for tomorrow and for the rest of my life.

i managed to fall asleep at 12PM or so and woke up at 5AM.
i knew i should sleep but my killing thoughts convinced me not to sleep but to think instead.
at last i fell asleep and woke up at 9.56AM.

my problems are very TROUBLING.
i dont know my feelings. sometimes i care about the problems but sometimes i dont.
most of the time, i CARE.
this time, it's MORE than care.

im over-thinking.
please somebody at least convince me that today is gonna be a better day.
not a good day but just a better day to solve my problems.

OH YES. whenever i have problems, i tend to over-think it.
i cant be in peace if i still have problems.
it's like there are still unsettled things.

sometimes i want to ESCAPE from this cruel world.
right now, i want to escape from this life.
it's better for someone else to take my place.

i know, there are lots of people out there struggling to live.
wanna know why? it's because they dont have problems in their life.
imagine if they have LOTS of troubling problems in their life.
do you think that they would struggle to live?
big freaking no.
it's better to leave this cruel world full of problems.

I AM STILL SAD AS HECK!
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
IM TIRED OF FEELING SAD BUT THAT'S THE ONLY THING THAT I COULD DO.
I WANNA CURSE I WANNA CURSE I WANNA CURSE.

another tomorrow means another sorrow. i am sad as heck.

2012-01-13T23:19:00.003+08:00

there are times when i dont know what kind of person i should be.
it's like i've lost myself.
when i look at my picture, i will think about what kind of person in that picture.
do you get what i mean?

oh yes of course there are times where i hate me too.
there are times where i hate living in my life and such things like that.
i REALLY wish that i could go back in time and fix every mistakes that i've done.

today is a very sad day for me.
i am very sad today and even words wont be able to describe it.
i was too dissolved in my own thinking that i cant feel how to live anymore.
yes, there are times where i am EMO as heck.

right now, im in my emo mode and in my low-self esteem.
trust me, nothing can fix this sadness.
maybe i'll be sad for a year. who knows.

im sure you'll be like "Come on! What the hell is your problem? Why dont you tell us already? Maybe we can help!"
but no. i dont feel like talking about it and i appreciate the sincerity but nothing can help me anymore.

i am way TOO sad that i wont be able to sleep right now.
it's 11.30PM.

today they made a birthday surprise for Anne [i dont celebrate birthdays].
that's the starting point of my current sadness.
i just get back home from Anne's birthday party [no, i dont celebrate it. just attending]
and that's not the end of my current sadness.

i wont be able to get through this sadness!
i wont be able to live in this life anymore!
i cant go on!
i cant do this anymore!

those were the things that i was thinking until i cant exactly hear them telling their stories to me.
im sorry but when i am sad, everything goes wrong.

it's like today, everything goes WRONG!
EXACTLY.
today is a very very very bad sad mad day.

nobody can convince me that everything will be alright because they keep on saying the things that they dont mean to say.
they only say the usual things that they think CAN make me feel better.
the fact is, i am feeling a lot worser considering that those words are meaningless.
i need true and honest words.

i am sick of living in this cruel world.
im sick of being imperfect and keep on doing mistakes and unable to fix those mistakes.
im sick of feeling embarassed and shy.
i am really sick of the times when i dont have confidence while those sucker humans have confidence - which makes me wonder how did they have such confidence.

i cant sleep tonight.
i really cant sleep with this sadness so im blogging instead.

just by thinking about tomorrow makes me want to just drift away from this cruel world.
i dont want to go on with this life anymore!
im sick and tired of fixing things because i'll only end up with self-humiliation.

i dont want to have another tomorrow.
because another tomorrow means another sorrow.

all i can say is, I AM SAD AS HECK.
and NO ONE can help me [another reason of why im sad].
i dont know what should i do to make things right [extra reason of why im sad]

this Celcom's line is killing me.

anyway anyhow anywhatever, i just want to tell you guys that me and Vian were taking care of the Cross Country's last checkpoint.
it was actually boring but it's worth it.
wanna know why?

because i am elected by the AJKs to be the our school's Scout's secretary assistant and Vian is the Scout's treasurer assistant.
at first, i never did expect to be elected but since i am elected, i will do my best to be next year's official secretary.

still, I AM SAD!
how to supress these mixed feelings?
how to let go of this sadness?

i am sad.
still sad.
and will always be sad.
until the day that i die.

the happiest day of my life right now will be on the day that i die.

Feo, dont give up yet!

2012-01-12T17:49:00.004+08:00

today while the teacher was teaching us, my mind was wandering around.

i've decided that im NOT gonna give up yet!

i will chase for the things that i really want and i will keep on trying until i am "Tried and Tired".

why should i give up on something that i've never chased before?

oh dont misunderstand.

im not gonna chase the past but im gonna chase for something that's been waiting for me since long time ago.

anyway, tomorrow i wont join the cross country but i will be taking care of the checkpoint instead!

i know i should've just stayed at home but i have some things to take care of tomorrow.

i've got a lot of things to think of right now.

YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO THIS SONG!

[Malay songs are really not my type but this song is an exception]

i love the part "Selama aku masih bisa bernafas, masi sanggup berjalan, ku kan slalu memuja mu".

omfg so damn touching and UMPHHHHHH siok!

i wont give up! >:8( not yet not yet!

actually i haven't started trying yet. hehe
well, mainly it's because i never did sacrifice my principle for anyone else before this.
consider yourself lucky!

gosh. why am i even telling you this.
right. it's because you're my blog.

my daily schedule - will not be updating le blog everyday.

2012-01-11T15:15:00.010+08:00

i've been not updating for days because i was quite busy with school.
actually i am still busy but i managed to take a couple of minutes for blogging.

my wish has been granted, i am a Science stream student now.
i love it when the teachers gave us lots of homeworks because it somehow helped me to forget about some sad things for a while.

everyday i will spend most of my day doing homeworks and study in my bedroom.
[since this month is the rainy season, my bedroom is a heaven]
after finished with my homeworks, i will do the house chores, cook and sleep.
[trust me, Lowong can't cook]
during the night, i will play games for like one hour or so and study.

i dont even know why am i telling you my schedule.
oh well, just blogging.

my everyday life in school is filled with laughter thanks to my bestfriends.
i cant deny that my class is quiet as heck.
they should sometimes get a life and laugh out loud everyday - like i always do.

i am the "Ketua Keceriaan" of our class.
i promised that i will do the welcome sign - i havent even start anything yet.
like i said, i am such a lazy ass these days.
all i wanna do is lay on my bed and daydream about performing on a huge stage with my fans supporting for me.

*sigh*

i dont think i need to talk about those new subjects [Chemistry, Biology, Physics, Add Maths, EST] like people always do.
all i can say right now is, i am trying my best for those subjects.

this Friday, there's a cross country running for our school and i've decided that im not going.
refer to the sentence above, i am such a lazy ass these days.
i am not interested in any sports.
and im telling you once again, i'd rather daydream.

i know, i know, this body of mine is getting fat.
you know what? i dont care at all!
basically it's because i have no one to impress.
hence, there's no point in trying to be not messy and check my hair for like every 5 minutes.

anyway! as you guys have already know, i am a big fan of Joseph Vincent.
luckily im on Twitter just in time when he announced that he'll broadcast live in minutes.
at the same time, my lil bro asked me to cook him lunch so i dragged this lappy to the kitchen.
i was cooking while listening to him talking and singing.
[such details]

i love telling stories.
including nonsense.

i found out that he was wearing contact lens.
no wonder his eyes were deep blue.

im looking foward in being a senior.
i cant wait to force those juniors to join sports and 'Kawad Kaki'.
i hope there are lots of them joining Scout's Camping this year.
:)
*satisfied grin*

i dont know what else should i say!
which is weird since everytime im not able to blog, that's the time where i have lots of things to blog about.

hey, i stopped reading books in the classroom because i'll not be able to fantasize if im going to read it in the classroom.
instead, i love reading books [especially vampiric books] in my bedroom with a cup of mild nescafe and blueberry cupcakes [another reason of why im fat].
see? i've not changed yet :)
it's true i can be noisy as heck in the classroom but i have reasons you see.

first of all, i am bored as heck and i cant stay silent.
second of all, why should my life be dull if i can make it interesting?
lastly, if i am noisy, that doesn't mean that im one of those useless kids, am i?

i am still inspired as ever.
why should i show my inspirations?

there goes the sayings, "Do not judge a book by its cover".

nobody knows me.
dont pretend like you do.

UPDATED another boring student's life.

2012-01-06T14:19:00.014+08:00

today is Page 6 of 366.
i just love the number 6.

i've already found the memory card reader [actually it was located very close to me].
so here's a clear view of the book that i've been talking about.

it helped me before.
i hope this time it can help me once again.

the book is full with encouraging words and convincing words to move on.
i've already blogged about this before but i want to tell you once again that i like the way this book curse.
though i dont curse.

["Breakups hurt like a m*****f***** "]

i've deleted those photos and threw away some rubbish.
it's time to get real with life and move on.
and find another handsome guy.

i went to the library. it was very peaceful without those annoying teenagers.
i love the smell of the dead woods.

[borrowed two books]

[that caption attracts me to read this book]

i've already read all of the Twilight Saga books.
now it's time to read the fifth one.

but before i read these two beautiful novels, i'll need to finish this one boring Malay novel first.
our teacher told us to finish reading that boring thing within this week.
*sigh*
seriously, the story doesn't interest me at all and the plot of the story is very predictable.
a son who's rich with a dead little sister and recalling that nostalgic feelings.
in the end i bet he'll found his real mother.

gosh i cant believe that im a Form 4 student!
we were given explainations about each subject that we're going to learn.
i found out that Physics, Biology, Chemistry and Add Maths will be very hard if i didnt start studying in this month.

[it's a good thing that i inherit all of Lowong's useful books]

the hard thing is, i havent bought all of the workbooks yet.
last year i dont know that we were given a list of books to order it from the school.
i decided to buy them on my own at a particular bookshop but i dont have time!

it's not like im busy or anything but probably im going to sleep after this.
and then i'll forgot that i should go to the bookshop.
yeah, i have no spirit to study yet.
i'll try to go tomorrow - only if i am not lazy.

i am hungry :'( and sleepy and exhausted and tired.
school makes me hungry everytime.
see that? i am sleepy already.

toodalooo suckers!

*UPDATED*

actually school is boring and not interesting at all.
since it's only the first week, i'd be hoping the school to become more interesting time after time.

next week, two of my bestfriends will transfer to another school.
of course it is very heartbreaking and sad and such things like that because we used to hang out and laugh together but soon, we wont be able to do that anymore.

but that's LIFE, isn't it?
i believe that every single person in my life right now will disappear from my sight one day.
none of them will stay.

so i am ready to face the reality that one day, my bestfriends are going to walk in their own path.
it's easier to be ready for things like these to happen so that you wont have to be emo anymore.
if i were still thinking narrow-mindedly, of course i will cry and beg in their knees to not leave.
thanks to this brain, im not that narrow-minded.
it's not like we're going to lose contact, right?
we're going to still be in contact and meet up and hang out.
one thing that i really hope is for them to have new good friends and not forgetting us.

of course we will still be the bestest friends!
nobody shall take our and their place.
:D

ohh Peggy! im so sorry for treating you so badly before.
i dont dislike you anymore :')

ohh Anne! no one shall be your new bestest friend!
biar kita tetap 8 orang saja!
[Anne, Dora, Anis, Vian, Lanie, Peggy, Goput & Sia!]
jangan lagi tambah-tambah. :'P

ohh Lanie! the fact is, i dont want other people to laugh at your mistakes like we always do!
if they laughed at you for spelling things wrong, im gonna stone them to death.
just kidding. but seriously. >:8(

we know when we told you that yesterday, your eyes were teary.
you dont need to hide it! haha.

afterall, we're gonna miss you guys.
:')

Page 4 of 366.

2012-01-04T20:58:00.002+08:00

today is the first day of school.
my baju kurung is BIG as heck that i dont even wanna wear them anymore.
i looked very 'nerenget' and there's a little dirt on my shoes already.
even though they're just little smudges, i dont like it.
makes me feel like i dont wanna wear new shoes anymore!

it is the first day of school and there were some students who dont even bother going to school.
the heck?
if i knew, i wouldn't go to school because i wasn't ready.
but if i didnt, then i wont get the textbooks and i would go through a lot more troubles.

anyway, lately i've been rereading the book "It's called breakup because it's broken".
i've read it before and blogged about it before. [here's the post]
i've captured a good picture of it but i cant find the card reader!
*sigh*

so i've decided that i wont hate my own sister anymore.
of course especially the one that i've called "Bitch" for countless of times already.
look, im sorry for being that bad and evil okay. i feel guilty too.
now i've all grown up and i dont think it's relevant to hate your own siblings.
am i right? i know i am. lol

just like in my 2012 resolutions, i WON'T hate but i'll love instead.
spreading love is always better than spreading hate.

for example, if a person hates you and then you hate him/her back.
in the end, what will you get?
yes. you'll get HURT, ANGER, and HATRED in your life.

but what if a person hates you and then you LOVE them instead?
yes, my dear. they will feel very guilty because they know that they're wrong.
in the end, what will you get?
yes again, my dear. you'll gain lots of FRIENDS, you'll lead a PEACEFUL life filled with love.

if you had to make a choice between loving your worst enemy or eliminate your worst enemy in this world, which one would you choose?

my holiday is OVER!

2012-01-03T19:23:00.004+08:00

school is starting tomorrow and this is the 940th post!

actually i am not damn ready yet.

i haven't washed my uniform [did you just wear a new uniform without washing it first?].

my baju kurung is SO DAMN freaking BIG that it makes me look even more fat.

it's 7.25PM already and i have no time to send it to the tailor.

i blame myself for having a two hours nap just now.

seriously, FEO?! there's no time to waste anymore!

you sleep tonight, you wake up tomorrow and you go to school early in the freaking morning.

*stabs myself*

it's time to say hello to the books and study them like every night.

*cries a river of tears*

the first weirdest thing that happened to me this year is last night.

i was like "WHOAH THERE BABY".

i never ever expect it to come.

after that things were awkward.

[for me, it is awkward and weird at the same freaking time]

it's weird that i dont have feelings. i mean, i should have feelings, y'know.

it's awkward how i didnt know what should i say so i asked questions instead.

i mean, of course i like like.

but not ARGHTTTTTTT!!! fasdmnaskldjwiojfmajknfasjkdnasjkdsa

fds

\adjkasndoskanmdkaslcmasklcmsa

cmaskicmasklcmakslcmaskcmasuiwabguychbd acnjsa

i just want to get my shit straight first before i let anyone else in.

for now, i think "bestfriends" is the best option.

of course it makes no difference at all.

maybe i should take a little time to think.

let me just think about it first.

what's life without some pranks?

2012-01-02T13:32:00.005+08:00

today i Logged In my lil bro's Facebook account.
i dont know what made me do that. in any other words, i forgot what i was about to do with his Facebook when i suddenly came up with a brilliant idea.

[le lil bro's Facebook account]

[le his profile picture]

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now this just made my day.
totally laughing my ass off.
oh he's gonna love it when he sees it.

lolololololol.
seriously i've got nothing better to do.
i think this is an infuence from 9Gag.
everyday im 9gagging.
[if you dont know what 9Gag is, you should bend down and cry and go and get a life]

i cried for not having a life. but then i took an arrow in the knee.

you wont understand what does it means if you're not a 9gagger.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
*laughing to release all depression*... *but then i took an arrow in the knee*

just admit it. im hilarious.
NGAHAHAHAHAHAHA

i want to explain you the joke but..
RULE #1 : DO NOT EVER EXPLAIN ANY JOKES.

this might help you anyhow.

it's the 1/1/12! :) my boring resolutions.

2012-01-01T00:32:00.009+08:00

it's 12.30AM right now. in other words, it's 1/1/2012 already!
the neighbours were screaming happily when the fireworks and the biggest fireworks burst to the sky.
while im just doing my same old gosh-damn-boring routine - playing the CS and the Sims.
yes, it really sucks to be me.

anyhow, this brings back the nostalgia feeling.
i remember when i was in Year 5, i was stuck at home too. at that time i think i have a blog but i deleted it. hmph too bad.
during that time, i spent my new year texting with this one particular person. just like what im doing right now. Hahaha too nostalgic!

when i was in Year 6 [2008], this is what i wrote during New Year for 2009.
that new year was the best new year with my cousins ever. of course there were some unwanted incidents but oh well.
i dont know what are my resolutions for that year. im sure i've blogged about it but i cant seem to find the post.

when i was in Form 1 [2009], i didnt write anything during the New Year for 2010.
wanna know why? because at that time i was busy enjoying myself with my families. *sigh*
how i miss playing with those kids, eating and lighting up the fireworks.
anyway, i wrote this a day before the new year and these are my resolutions for the year 2010.

when i was in Form 2 [2010], these are my resolutions for the year 2011 [i only managed to accomplish the "Less games more study" though] and this is during the new year.

so i've been blogging officially for FOUR YEARS already!
YAYYYYY~ clap clap for me!
*clap clap clap clap*
[oh how i feel so forever alone]

i promised that i will blog for my whole entire freaking life before.
and i am going to fulfill the promise :D

so, yeah. im going to finish DAY 10!

Day 10 : New year resolutions.

Since I knew that I'll forgot about my resolutions for 2012, and probably I won't even give a damn to accomplish all of them, I will only make THREE resolutions.

So the first one is, be a good and nice person.
Actually there are times that I am EVIL and bad and such things like that [no, not naughty! i hate the word "naughty"].
I want to be the good person who talk nicely and do not yell or scold. I want to stop yelling.
I want to be the nice person who do good deeds without asking for anything in return.
I want to help my parents in everything that I could without being rebellious.

The second one is, I want to love my enemy. I don't want to have any fights anymore because I want to be a good and a nice person [refer to the first resolution].
I want peace. By fighting with your enemy for peace is just the same with f*cking for virginity.
Ahem. Move on to the last one.

The last one is, I want to be religious [not too fanatic] just like I was before. I know that I've been carried away by the world for a while now but now I am coming back to serve our only God. Last year [2011], I admit it that I've been skipping assembly for many times already. So as for this new year, I'll try to attend every assembly.
I will not postpone any Bible Study [unless I have no other choice] and if I have lots of spare time, I will read the Bible stories.

Let me have an extra resolution. I will not let myself get attached to any "special person".
Everytime I get that feeling, I will run away because just like what I've said before, "Between two person, one is meant to be hurt".
And, haha I'm gonna tell you this for the second time, there's NO suitable guy for me in this world.

it's awkward when a Year 6 boy confessed to you, right?
oh yes, there's a Year 6 and a Year 3 boy confessed to me just now.
i was laughing out loud because they're still KIDS!
man, you haven't even reached your puberty yet. im just saying.

but still, it was such an awkward and tough moment explaining them why i rejected them.
i wanted to tell them that one of the reasons is they haven't reached their puberty yet.
but that answer is irrelevant for two mere kiddos!

so i said that they were still kids that should still play toy cars!
they said that age doesn't matter, and i said it does matter to me.
of course i won the debate.
it is still awkward though and it makes me feel like im a pedophile!
im NOT a pedophile!

oh gosh why i've been receiving lots of confessions from kids lately?!
before this, there was this Form 2 boy confessed and cannot accept the reason of why i rejected him.

and i dont even understand why am i telling you guys this!
to my future daughters, please fix your eyes first before you accept somebody.
[pilih yang hensem2 saja. HAHA just kidding]

it's 1.31AM. should i sleep?

"Happy New Year" MY ASS. I AM NOT HAPPY.

2011-12-31T17:33:00.005+08:00

i am really not in any mood for the freaking new year right now.
wanna know why? it's because my surroundings are so NOT new-year-ish.

we're supposed to go to Ranau for the New Year right now but my parents decided not to!
basically, if my mom wants to go, my dad will.
since she don't want to go, then i am staying in this freaking house for the whole freaking "NEW YEAR"!

im not in a good mood to blog either.
but what can i do?! i am so damn bored and aodmnaspidnsmaipfdkwdwqapoaiomasod!woplaksdmnsaiosijadoiasdokmdsakl
\dasijsoiadjasdpsamjidoasdjisajdas
dasiojdaoisdjasiodjdmjka dfiuewajh disaknksandjasdsa
ARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTT!!

my bestfriend invited me to go to her house at 6.30PM and i would like to but i've no friends to assist me!
ohh i am so dying.
Lowong is going to sleep over her friend's house and i am so jealous.

everybody's busy talking about the freaking new year while im just sitting here, eating, getting fat and dying.
curse my life. my life is so dull right now. it should be exciting but it is not.
stop talking about the freaking new year because i might explode.

i will do the Day 10 a.k.a my 2012 resolutions at the early of the year 2012 [in other words, 12AM].
there will be countdowns everywhere and i'll just count my ass off.
there'll be lots of fireworks and enthusiasm can be heard from the neighbour.
oh i am so jealous of them.

[now Google is torturing me too! i thought you were my friend!]

there were times when i just HATE everyone around me.
well, one of that time is right now.

people change & Day 9.

2011-12-30T11:45:00.004+08:00

how many times do i need to convince myself that things have changed?!
seasons change and so do people.
that's the fact of life. sometimes you wish they never changed but they did anyway.
sometimes i wonder why do we need to be friends even though one day friends will walk out from your life.

now that i've finally learned that fact, it's time to leave all of those behind.
it's time to start being independent.

truth is, i've lost the moon while counting the stars.

Day 9 : The end of last school year/the beginning of this one.

Do you mean the end of last year's school and the beginning of this year's school?
Okay again, my own definition.
[this topic is no fun at all]

This is [click here] what I did during the end of last year's school.
At that time I demanded for school to come because holiday seemed long at that time. This year, I want MOREEEEEEEEEEE holiday! gosh.

I am lazy too blog about this boring thing so I'll just give you the links of my old posts.

Click here for the beginning of this year's school.
Believe me that back then I was still a stupid naive girl fhjasudnasokldmasudnasij words cannot describe. I'm just stupid.

so i am still asking myself, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!!!!
and i started to like the RED colour.

jealousy makes me laughing my ass off.

2011-12-29T20:58:00.004+08:00

HAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHA

NGHAHAHAHAHA
MUAHAHAHAHA
BAHABHABAHBAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

OH YES I AM LAUGHING AT YOU FEO.

i am laughing very hard at you for being such an asshole little biatch who gets jealous everytime.

when i am jealous, i refuse to talk.
so please shut up and both of you just go and be in a relationship faster please.
=_=
im lame.

Day 8 : The funniest getaway.

2011-12-29T20:39:00.003+08:00

Day 8 : The funniest getaway.

By get away do you mean "the act or instance of escaping" ?

I dont really get the title so let me just talk things based from my own definition.

This year I've got to admit that there were times I skipped school just to sleepover at my bestfriends' house. HAHA only my bestfriends will get it.

It was funny since before the PMR, I skipped school once but I still managed to get flying colours [don't misunderstand. i am really really grateful with my results].

So that means it doesn't matter if you study hard or not as long as you study SMART.

Study hard means being hard on the subjects that you're studying but study smart means understanding on the subjects. Of course study smart is always the best choice.

Ooops, out of topic. My bad.

Anyway, yeah.

Sorry because there's no photo so this is just another boring post. The pictures are in my other lappy.

However, click here for an example of our sleepover.

I feel like talking a lot today. Farewell 2011 :)

2011-12-28T12:50:00.056+08:00

i've got to admit that everytime i come across a blog who play this thing, i'll click "X".
because i think it was boring and i dont give a damn.

but today i came across this one on Tumblr and it's a good one to flashback the memories of 2011.
since 2011 is ending and 2012 is starting, hence i'll need to talk about 2011 for the last time.

i've already calculated the days so i'll need to do Day 1 until Day 7 because there are THREE days left before New Year.
[why am i even explaining these things to you guys?]

i'll make sure that i wont make this post a boring post.
[if it is boring, then you should click the "X" button and get a life]
i just feel like talking today but there's no one to talk to so im talking to the blog.

Day 1 : A few things you'll never forget in 2011.

At the early 2011, I moved from my house temporarily and I was forced to use the Celcom Broadband. It sucks a lot that I missed every interesting conversations with my bestfriends on Facebook.

I will never forget the moment where me and my bestfriends we shooting short movie at Taman Mahathir. There were lots of laughter and joy and fun [all are just the same thing]. We finished shooting Day 1 and Day 2 but never finished shooting Day 3.

[Dicky, Marling, Manisah]

I was driving Marling's car and was waving at Manisah as I passed her by until I almost drove out from the road. Funny moments.

I won't forget the moments during our Scout Camping. Almost all of the participants were screaming hysterically because they saw a ghost [there were some issues about that case but since this is gonna be a happy post, i refuse to talk about it]. People were praying at that time while me and my bestfriends were laughing. In the end, the four of us formed a circle and we prayed together.
Hahahaha. Having guy friends is awesome.

[our Scout Camping]

[Anne and Me. yeah im so abui]

The most unforgettable thing is, our sleepover after our night party. The party went well and awesome [at least we think it is]. HAHA I still remember that we met one of the KL Gangster's actor named something like Ajip [i didn't even bother to know what's his name] but Dicky accidentally called him "Ajiz" which we thought was "Najis". HAHAHA.
[you dont laugh because you dont understand]

[that's the "Ajiz" with the black shirt]

[our night party]

[laughed hard on this picture everytime i see it]

This year, I spent most of my time with my bestfriends. I didn't spend lots of time with my family so there's really nothing to talk about.

Day 2 : Relationship(s).

*sigh*
Can I just skip this one? No? Okay, okay. Let's just make this simple and be honest here.
If it gets corny, make sure you don't puke off.

On April [i guess], I broke up with the guy that I've been in relationship with for two years and half. I'm the one who dumped him okay. NO guy has ever dumped me before.
On December, I broke up with another guy. Again, I'm the one who suggested to break up.

Overall, I broke up two times in one year. One at the early of the year and one at the end of the year. ROFLMAO [Rolling On Floor Laughing My Ass Off]. So now I'm ending this year ALONE.
Which makes me thinking that maybe there's really no suitable guy for me out there because I'm meant to be forever alone.

See? I don't need to rush. I don't mind being single anyway.

Day 3 : The best day.

The best day absolutely goes to 25th February! Wanna know why? I'm sure if you've been reading my blog for awhile now, you'll know why because I've talked about this thing for like countless of times already.
Oooooops, I'll tell you this on Day 7 [spoiler brat].

I got lots of best day this year but I'm gonna tell you one of them.
The second best day goes to 22nd November which was the date where I got my PMR results and I got something beyond my expectations! I got a freaking flying colours and I'm still happy about it.

Day 4 : The worst day.

Ohhhhhhhhh I got LOTS OF WORST DAY this year! How I wish I could tell you every single day of them.
However, this one is absolutely the WORST DAY ever. It was the day when I went to Anne's sister's birthday party at HoneySweet Restaurant and I lose my mind.
Click here for the story

Oh gosh how I feel like cursing myself a lot right now for being such an asshole. Seriously.
Why I was so stupid and shit back then? Feodora Grace, you're such a bitch and I dont even know why am I living in this body of yours. I should've lived inside Selena Gomez's body.

Let's just not talk about this thing further because this may cause a brain damage to me.

Day 5 : The most memorable moment.

Of course the moment where me and all of my bestfriends were hanging out. Even before PMR, we were still hanging out. After PMR, we were hanging out even more.

One of them is when we went to Stella Grill Island.

[at Stella Grill Island]

Especially during me, Manisah and Annah went di hujung-hujung sungai and we were having so much fun hiding 'things' beneath the stones and rocks. NGAHAHAHA. Only the three of us will understand what I'm talking about.

Day 6 : Your bestfriend(s).

Early this year after I've finally broke up with that guy, I started to be more closer with my bestfriends. I started making new close friends and become more friendly with my guy friends because there's no one who'll cry if I get close to guys anymore. Oh thank heaven.
Please don't be narrow-minded. By having lots of guy friends doesn't mean that I'm a bitch. Actually guy friends are a lot more better than girl friends because they don't judge like most girls do and they don't do comparisons. Plus, I can play rough games with them, for instance, Counter Strike.

I lost one of my bestfriends this year because finally I know that we're nobody for her. I mean, I am nobody to her. Just a friend that you can reach for whenever you're in need. However, this year I've learned lots of things about FRIENDSHIP and RELATIONSHIP.
I've learned on how to differentiate between a friend and a bestfriend.

Enough talking! I'm gonna show you my bestfriends and my close friends.
[In my definition, close friends are the ones who always hang out with us]

[us B-)]

[the gangsta bags]

[Manisah, Annah, Dora, Me, Bembiyani, Goput]

Suddenly the amount of our heads were decreasing.
From that many [pictures above] to this many [pictures below].

[Manisah, Me, Annah, Bembiyani]

[ajaran Abang Feo]

[detect my head. these are my friends except tuuna daling Manisah]

[my only guy bestfriend]

I want to talk more about them but I've got lots of things to do so let's move on faster.
Bestfriends, I love you guys :) MUAH MUAH.

Day 7 : Your birthday.

I'm sure some of you knew the story that I'm gonna tell right now.
Well if you dont, read my old posts.
Click here and click this.

For my birthday this year, I never expect for any surprises or any interesting things.
My bestfriends knew well that my religion don't celebrate birthdays. I never thought that they would throw a big birthday surprise for me [i consider it as a big birthday surprise because they made it at a hotel] ! There were even two cakes.

[i admit it that i cried a little]

It's the most awesome present ever. I would
never be able to forget it.
[I would never forget the first time Goput danced on the chair. HAHA]
I love my bestfriends. They brighten up my gloomy days.

The best part of the birthday party was, DANCING.
We danced like there's no tomorrow and sang like it's our house. Even there's this one group dancing. So supporting :)

[i never thought you guys do love me :P]

So that's it. My birthday this year is the BEST.
Flying kisses for my bestfriends and my close friends. MUAH MUAH.

i just wanna scream. so jelly.

2011-12-28T12:20:00.004+08:00

and i was like oh my gosh why am i so jealous?

it's not like i've got anything to do with it.

i dont even have any rights to get mad or get jealous.

but all i wanna do right now is just scream.

i want to tell the whole freaking world that i am jelly.

this feeling is a bastard.

ARGHHTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!

CAN'T YOUR SEE IT?!!

relax, Feo. relax. *inhale, exhale*

think of something that you can do to release these feelings.

all i can think to say right now are, "BIKIN PANAS!" and "SA BENCI KAU!" and "WHATEVER!"

sa mau kasitau kau betapa bikin panas nya kau.
aiyaaa!! sa jeles!! sa pun mau!!
[annoying thoughts]

basically, i can't do anything about it.

i can't stop from being jealous and i can't get mad either.

the only thing i can do is scream.

for girls who are heartbroken, this is an advice for you :)

2011-12-26T14:19:00.012+08:00

why do i feel like being honest today?

ARGHTT! right. that one post that i published on October is killing me.

so i drafted it.

LESS THAN ONE WEEK left and then it's SCHOOL TIME!

oh gosh im NOT ready.

why i feel like my holiday is so short?

I NEED MORE HOLIDAY PLEASE.

i didnt do much for this holiday.
nothing inspiring.

anyway, the not really shocking news that i decided to tell you guys today is.......

this!

not that shocking, huh?

i saw lots of people trying to tell the whole world that they're single.
the main point for them doing that is : so that there are guys/girls who will flirt them.

those single people tend to say things like "Oh Im lonely, Im single" and i was like what the heck, bitch?
i cannot deny [you also need to admit it] that those kind of human beings are IRRITATING and ANNOYING.
they'll post it on Facebook and makes me go !@#$%^&*()ahjdbjahsR^*U(*(@&&$^ everytime.
oh gosh how i wanna throw grenades on them so badly.

back to the topic, you guys might be wondering why because my previous post on October was all loveydovey.
i cannot explain it in words but luckily i found the EXACT explainations on Tumblr.
[say thanks to Tumblr. in fact, im very grateful that Tumblr exists]

[Tumblr : picture explains everything]

for girls out there who're going through a heartbreak right now, this is an awesome advice for you.

just remember that you can NEVER find the right one if you're still holding on to the WRONG one.
remember that we're still YOUNG and we wont be any younger every day.
hence, we need to be HAPPY while we're still teenagers.
we need to create something that we can laugh at when we're old.
not something bitter.

take it as a lesson to learn.
on every aspect of my life, i'll take it as a lesson to learn.
if i screwed something up, i'll take it as a lesson.
like i've already said before, we need to make different mistakes everyday so that we can learn a lesson.

so if you think that you just made a big mistake, dont ever regret it.
take it as a lesson to never do the same again because you already knew how it feels like.

umh, if you get what i mean.

every day is a good day because we're still breathing.
and as long as we're still breathing, we can create something even more better.

as for boys, you're just a boy.
you dont and wont understand so please back off.

FINALLY! MY NEW LAYOUT :D

2011-12-25T19:37:00.006+08:00

i've been working from 6PM until 7.40PM [which is right now] and finally my new layout has finished by the time that i promised!

yes, i made the background and the banner by myself.

no help from anyone.

the Photoshopping part wasn't hard.

the hardest part was the photoshoot.

i cant find a good place with a good lightning.

in the end, i decided to capture pictures infront of the house.

[i was supposed to look down at my blog's posts]

that shirt is big so it makes my arms look short.

it was getting dark, i didn't have much time to capture brilliant pictures so i captured simple pictures.

im not a big fan of the colour PINK.

instead, i quite dislike it actually.

but since it goes on with the vintage blablabla thing, i have no other choice.

i wanted to make a flowery background too.

maybe next time.

overall, everything is nice [for me]

thanks for the good job, Feo.

[praising myself]

the cold sweats prickling down from my face worth it all.

i've also decided to reveal my full name and use it as my main name in blog things.

Feodora Grace.

now i am hungry.

gonna update soon about our Family Gathering yesterday.

today is just another beginning.

2011-12-24T13:52:00.009+08:00

yesterday i went to somewhere peaceful.

after i've confessed everything, i want to go somewhere far away from this town.

i dont even know why.

all i know is, i want to.

my parents were convincing me to go to MRSM.

im giving it the second thought right now.

i need to travel far away.

dont be afraid to be different from the others.

it makes you special.

[this scenery makes me want to live in it forever]

after all of those, i need some laughter.

even if it's a fake one.

[his long eyelashes]

[there were lots of dairy cattles here]

as soon as i was trying to capture their picture, the camera's battery went off.

right. a perfect timing for a camera to be a complete jerk.

[just so you know, this is a dairy cattle]

a lot of things have changed :)

i need to let go of what i want to get what i deserve.

i wouldn't be able to find the right one if im still holding onto the wrong one.

i want to apologize to my bestfriends for being such a disappointment to them.

though they've told me to hold on, they need to respect my decision.

i cant have anything that i want in this world.

people will always come and go and new people come into your life and go after a while.

this circle will go on as long as im still breathing.

i want a new world.

i need one.

so today is just a new beginning for my life.
people change and we move on.
that's life.

I've been working hard so long
Seems like pain has been my only friend
My fragile heart's been done so wrong
I wondered if I'd ever heal again

Ohh just like all the seasons never stay the same
All around me I can feel a change

I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me, leave the past behind me,
TODAY MY LIFE BEGINS!

hell yeah.

but i cannot deny that the hardest part is to delete those memories from my brain.
in fact, i cant delete those memories.
i cant delete those pictures either.

i dont think that i need to delete them.
i would never regret something that once made me smile.

so im learning now to leave it in the past and try forget.

i've tried.

2011-12-23T08:29:00.001+08:00

i've already tried.
nothing can fix it anymore.

chances are given and wasted.

regretting is always better than constantly being hurt.

gonna be away for awhile from this house today.

so i will change my relationship status later after everything's official.

i tried ok.

and im the only one who's trying.

the girl who never stopped trying finally GIVE UP.

Im having the best day ever in this year! :D

2011-12-22T17:52:00.006+08:00

today i feel like i want to LOVE everyone around me.
with their non-stop congratulations and im on the fame today. lol
most of all, i wanna love myself and if i could, i will hug myself but if i do, i'll look stupid.

wanna know why?
because today i went to take my PMR results and i am SUPER DUPER happy.
it's like i want to bang my head on the wall because im too happy and i need to bang my head to suppress my happiness.

wanna know why?
it's becauseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
this!

when i was given my results, i was like, OH MY GOSH! MY FREAKING GOSH! IS THIS REAL?!
and i felt like i want to laugh hysterically so i did.
NGAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

i mean like, LOOK AT THIS!
after all that i've been through, those hard nights, those 24 Days of Torturement, FINALLY!

to be real honest here, i REALLY dont expect that i'll get straight As!
i never did hope because i thought it was impossible for me since during the last day before PMR, i was still playing around with my bestfriends.

OH GOSH.
i really need to pray to God right now and say THANK YOU!

im getting irritated with those who posted their beautiful results on Facebook.
[no offence]
at least i didnt show off my results on Facebook, okay.

i dont like it when people started to adress me as "Budak pandai" or such similar things like that.
the point is, if i got straight As for my SPM, only then you can call me the most awesome girl ever in this freaking world.

after i went to take my results, i was hanging out with my bestfriends and today is one of the best days in this year!
soon i went back home and UNFORTUNATELY i faced with a BORING face of a MOTHER.

really bitch? really?
my bestfriends' mothers praised me for having such a good results.
while you're just SLEEPING over there, not wanting to know anything, not even a single compliment.
WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

i remembered that i was studying before and you said that i'll NOT pass.
look at me now! i even PASSED with flying colours and yet you're just taking it as a normal thing?!
what kind of mother are you?

there are lots of people out there who gets excited about my results, who wanted to celebrate my results while you're just pleasing your other daughter which turned out to be a complete bitch.

WHATEVER.

what a merry day.

2011-12-21T16:45:00.007+08:00

what a beautiful day!
my uncles, my aunt and my little cousins went to my house today.
luckily i've already took a bath and the Shokobutsu's shower cream smells super good.

while i was in my bedroom, this silent house suddenly turned into a noisy house full with kids' hyperactive voices.
i went downstairs and found out that it was cheerful.
[plus, there were lots of foods]

still remember Ashley?
she was here too with her lil bro, her sister and her big bro.
i told them to play computer games in that little shop.

[Ashley]

she's still as cute as ever with her high-waisted short pants and her little wedges.
seriously, she's fashionable.
[her mom should take the credits]

[her sister, Erika]

i realised that her sister inherited our family's craziness.
none of my family are not crazy-minded [in a good way].
all of us are.

[her big brother, Allen]

too bad i forgot to take a picture of her lil bro, Darrel.

[this is Al, my lil bro]

we ate lunch together and it was very merry.
it makes me want to go back to my village because it's more merry over there.
[more little children of course]

i found a new territory today.

there's a big cushion behind me so i can lay down while Tumblrin'.
lately i've been Tumblrin' like everyday.
blame it for making this post more boring than ever.

most of all, i LOVE eating peanuts.
if you don't love it, then you must be nuts.
[whoah it rhymes]

here i am still denying the fact that PMR result will come out tomorrow!
oh gosh. im not hoping for straight As but at least please no Cs.

people are talking about it and they're nervous.
well im not really that nervous because the FACT is already there and we cant change the reality by being nervous or cry or being sad or cant sleep at night.
but you can change your reality by smoking weed.
just saying.

sometimes it irritates me when people are over-reacting over this matter.
i know how do you feel, in fact i am feeling the same too right now.
it's just that we need to CONTROL the feelings so that it wont overwhelm ourselves.

i know by saying this, i wont be able to change my result.
i knew that.
im saying things like this just so that i wont expect more.

honestly boring and PMR results.

2011-12-20T22:07:00.018+08:00

ALERT!
If you might get offended with this post, STOP reading.
Everything that I blog is HONEST and I'm NOT complaining, I'm just telling honest things.

like i said before, i went to the prom night at Dewan Masyarakat Keningau and unfortunately it was boring.
im being real honest here.
i wanted to talk more about their time arrangements and their activities.

firstly, that prom was supposed to start at 6.30PM or 7PM but apparently it started at 8PM++.
the host convinced us that they have "lots of activities" to do that night.
he kept on repeating the same damn thing about that.
so i was looking foward to that "lots of activities" and i am quite disappointed.

the activities were not satisfying [no offence].
we listened to the host's speech, we walked to a table to take our foods, we ate, we sat, we watched the Prom Queen election, we watched the live band, cabutan tiket bertuah, live band, dance battle [which consisted of 4 groups with 7 people in one group and i was like, what about us? how the hell are we supposed to dance?], cabutan tiket bertuah, live band, announcement of Prom King and Prom Queen, the end.

sure, the only part that i love was the live band.
but they played too much songs that im not interested in and made me feel sleepy that i wanted to go home as fast as i could.

dont worry.
when we hosted a party for the first time before, we totally screwed up too.
[even though our tickets were cheaper]

overall, that Prom Night was okay.
[we didnt get to dance on the floor]

enough with those honest things, im gonna tell you my journey that day.

[Michelle Phan as my makeups Guru]

in every Prom Night, there must be at least one female who will over-do her makeups.
considering that, i'll need to do some makeups too so that i wont look pale and fat.

[Anne and Marling]

as soon as we arrived, we took a seat and too bad there were only FIVE of us including me :'(
how sad.

[Marling, Kevin]

[Junior]

[this was the male host]

[every female who attended that prom will be given this little flower]

[Prom Queen election]

[the live band]

too bad i didn't get to capture a full picture of them.
i only get to record a video of them playing songs.

[which finally became a dance battle]

[guess what's that yellowish bottle over there?]

[recognize it?]

[hell yeah it's a freaking tequila!]

i didnt drink too much of it though.
i only drank like half a glass.
not much.

soon after that, a cute incident happened.

[first attempt]

Kevin was forcing Marling to make a cute pose with him.
at first, Marling refused.

[second attempt]

[third attempt]

and finally several attempts....
..

..

..

..

..

..

..

eppppp.
totally ROFLMAO-ed but im not gonna laugh here.
[if they knew that i uploaded that picture here, im gonna be a dead meat]

[Marling and Junior]

[Me and Anne]

* * * * *

they said it's confirmed that the PMR results will be out on 22nd December!
OH SOMEBODY PLEASE KILL ME SO THAT I WONT HAVE TO FACE THIS HARSH REALITY.

please, at least let it be either A or B.
dont let me get a freaking ugly C.
:'(

3As 4Bs is okay.
as long as i didnt fail.

at least let me blog about this for once :D

2011-12-17T10:55:00.015+08:00

since i've already put up a maintenance blog [which only took me less than an hour to make it], i think i could at least publish this one post.
maybe, just maybe, you've been wondering that i have plenty of time today so i could make the new layout today.
unfortunately, no. i dont have plenty of time today.

i was supposed to have Bible Study at 11AM and im going to Anne's house around 3 or 4PM.
the rest of the time i will do some preparations because, im going to the SFX Form 5's prom night tonight!

[uhm, not trying to be a grammar nazi here but isn't that supposed to be "Venue" ? just asking :) dont worry. people make mistakes]

i've been keeping this thing up until now because expectation leads to disappointment.
in other words, if i keep talking about that thing, suddenly i might not be able to go or such similar things like that.
this is actually the first time for me going to a prom night that's not hosted by us.

considering that im gonna put on the makeups for hours today, i made my "No Makeup Day" yesterday.
[your eyes will get exhausted if you put on makeups everyday. skin needs oxygen]

and then i went to shop some accessories with Lowong without any makeups on.
it's very unusual of me because usually i'll put at least a little eyeshadow before going out.
and that is because i'll feel very INSECURE walking to the town without any makeups on.
basically it's because i think i am ugly without any makeups on.

but the weirdest thing that happened yesterday was, i treated Lowong for a lunch at this one particular restaurant and there's this one waiter [a teenager, 16 maybe] was like staring at me which i dont know why.
[actually i was chatting with Lowong with lots of facial expressions - i realised that i talked like a guy]

soon, that waiter's friend [which turned out to be a girl] came to our table and asked for my name.
she said that her friend [that waiter] asked her to ask for my name.
honestly, at first i thought she was asking Lowong since Lowong looked way better than my messy face.

guess what? i was wrong.
she indeed asked for my name - i mean, that waiter boy was asking for my name.

i was like, SERIOUSLY?! Why would a good looking waiter asked for MY name in my UGLY condition?!

of course i told her my name.
and im guessing that maybe he knew me or he's gonna search me on Facebook. lol.
but i still think that he knew me. that's why he asked my name for confirmation.

so for girls who use makeups out there, remember NOT to put thick makeups.
you dont want people to think that you jail-break from a clown's gallery.
you want people to notice your FACE, not your makeups :)

back to the topic about tonight, i've been through a tough moment choosing my dressing [including making a tidy and neat wardrobe into a messy juvenile's-wardrobe-looked-alike] and a tough moment searching for accessories.
i shouldn't over-do myself.
THE MORE SIMPLE IS THE MORE BETTER!

i think that my dressing looks like a prostitute's dress even though Lowong has convinced me countless of times already.
i still need a second person's opinion which is gonna be Anis and third person's opinion which is gonna be Anne.
if it really looked like a prostitute's, i will just wear a plain T-Shirt with jeans.

ohh im not expecting but i dont want to be disappointed.

anyway, lately i've been doing house chores like everyday.
there were times when i was the one who did everything.

as for today, i woke up at 8AM, i took a bath, cleaned up the living room, prepared a breakfast for them, cleaned up this little shop and most of the time, nagging. HAHA.
people who make this house a mess should be nagged including my parents.

nagged my mom for being inappropriate and rough, nagged my lil bro for not turning off the computer while not using it and put his dishes into the sink.
i haven't nagged my dad today because he spend most of the time making music and haven't nagged Lowong because she's still sleeping.
it's good that she's still sleeping at this hour because it enables me to nag her more :)

most of all, i love nagging.

Maintenance for blog's layout changing.

2011-12-15T09:31:00.003+08:00

as expected, problem solved but things are still awkward.

it wasnt this awkward before but whatever.

for the new year, i think im gonna change this blog's layout.

so im not gonna post anything until i've finished with my new layout [to remind my lazy ass that i really need to change this old boring layout of mine]

im still thinking whether i should go or not this Saturday.

not gonna tell you what because im not gonna expect anything good :D

see you later after my new blog layout <3

muah muah. HAHA

if you think that an apologize is enough, SCREW YOUR BRAIN. fix it and never come back again!

2011-12-13T23:28:00.013+08:00

hello there. yeah, it's me again.

the previous post is a short post but i changed my mind and decided to do a longer post.

there are lots of thoughts that i need to release.

first of all, it's about the bitch that's living in my house.

d'you still remember that last year she uninstalled The Sims 3 that she installed because she saw me playing that game and she dont want me to play 'HER' game?

guess what?

now she's playing all of the games that i installed.

what a bitch, right?

i wanted to say that to her face but if i do, a big war will start and my parents will back her up.

[dont deny it. they ALWAYS do]

i hate it that every single morning or afternoon or everytime she's not sleeping, she'll play some ugly and disturbing songs with a high volume.

i was like, 'Shut up bitch. All of your songs are ugly. Shuffle songs? Puh-lease. So out of trend'

and she gets excited everytime the guys who went to the little shop was trying to hook up on her.

she'll make an utterly fake voice that she thought was cute.

bitch, again, puh-lease.

do you know the sound of a car screeching? that's how your fake voice is.

so she went HEHEHE with those guys and yucks! how gross.

trying to get attention by faking your personality?

puh-lease! you're not that soft, bitch.

those guys also have been trying to hook up on me but i completely IGNORED them.

what? that's the first time for guys to flirt with you?

pfffttt. pardon me, that's my lovely ass trying to kiss your lovely mouth so you'll shut up and stop that annoying voice of yours.

second of all, i am ANGRY.

there are lots of things to be angry about.

if you've read my previous previous post, they were all about sad, emo, depressed things.

i WAS sad about it and now im NOT anymore!

in fact, i am mad, angry and in fury.

i mean like, who are you to freely come into my life and go away after a short time?

right. you're NOBODY to do that.
nobody are allowed to do that.

so this time, there's no way im gonna forgive you and let you back in.

okay i know, i know, we must forgive people so that we'll be forgiven too.

i just need TIME.

i need time to forget all of those things and create a positive thinking about it.

but keep in mind that time heals but the scars are still there.

you're so CONFUSING.

i dont even know what you're thinking or what you're doing and what are the reasons behind all of these.

dont apologize to me like that.

i dont like it.

you're INSINCERE.

if you think that just by apologizing is enough, SCREW YOUR BRAIN.

it's NOT enough and NEVER enough.

if you're just apologizing out of pity, i DONT need your pity at all.

i am still fine, still leading an awesome life as ever [as if].

if you're really sorry, then SHOW me.
PROVE it to me.
i just want the truth and that's all.

i dont know why would you do that and then come back again apologizing.
seriously. i dont know.

change this subject!

there was a Lunar Eclipse on 10th December.

almost everyone was talking about it and was damn excited.

i was excited only because i thought when the eclipse occurs, we can only see the circle around the moon - but i was wrong.

the Lunar Eclipse was...... normal and the only exciting thing was, it was reddish orange in colour.

that was the time when Jacob cant help himself and turned into a werewolf.

he came into my bedroom asking for shelter.

yes it was very romantic, that's very nice of you, thank you.

so i browsed what Lunar Eclipse looked like in some other countries.

here it goes :

[beautiful scenery with the frozen lake]

[i love this scenery the most]

[imagine you were on the Titanic while watching this beautiful moon]

do you realise that they get to see a better view of Lunar Eclipse than in Malaysia?
in Malaysia, we can only see the Lunar Eclipse from a far distance.
umhh, talking about this thing is boring.

during that Lunar Eclipse occured, me and Lowong climbed our front porch's roof.
it was a dumb thing to do but it was fun being outside.
i was afraid of the height so i just sat and Lowong was being stupid by standing up.

[yes, my arms are getting bigger and my hair is getting longer and yes that's the birds' shits]

[Lowong who stand with the mightiness. lol]

[it was reddish orange as you can see. and bright as hell]

[should've bought a DSLR :( *sigh*]

short blog update - i wont let you anymore.

2011-12-13T23:16:00.002+08:00

you know what?

eat all of those shits that you've shitted on my life.

i dont care anymore.

[even though i do a little - but that's not the point!]

i wont let anyone else get back in.

I WONT AND I DONT WANT TO.

this will be the last time.

i wont let you.

something very heart-breaking.

2011-12-12T19:12:00.004+08:00

i was about to blog about the Lunar Eclipse but i found out something very very....

i said that the previous post is gonna be the last time i will talk about this.
in fact, i keep on thinking about this matter like everyday.

i thought everything was only my imagination.
that everything was gonna get better and eventually everything will be the same.

but i figured out something very heart-breaking today.
i keep telling myself that it's okay, nevermind, i'll get used to it.
that i believe everything happens for a reason.

oh this is saddening please dont read.

i keep telling all of those motivational things to myself.
things that i would give as an advice for the people who needs it.
i cant deny the fact that me, myself, cant eat my own advice.

i keep telling myself that i am stronger than this.
i can be strong even if i am alone.

humans are fragile. vulnerable. easy to break.

Tumblr is the only solution to release all of these heart-breaking thoughts.
heart-breaking facts.
reality.
life.

i can still put up a smile.
HELL YEAH I AM BETTER THAN THIS! HA-HA!
you'll never be able to torn me apart.
you'll never be able to......

fur elise.

2011-12-06T23:02:00.004+08:00

the scenery in my bedroom was so damn nice.

the piano songs inspired me to draw something inspirational.

so i decided to draw roses.

[this angle of camera makes my drawing looked compressed]

yes, i drew all of them by myself.

Lowong can't believe that i drew them.

i'll take that as a compliment though.

i named this drawing as Fur Elise.

do you know what does it means?

it means, "For Elisa".
well, im not giving this drawing for any Elisa but it's just as an indication that im drawing this for somebody.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You cant see me.....
But I'm watching you

[copyrighted by me]

i was thinking about giving this drawing to a particular person.

i changed my mind anyway.

decorating my bedroom.

2011-12-05T19:06:00.029+08:00

[i drafted this last night and posted it today]

yesterday Lowong didn't come home.

today, she didn't come back home too.

which means, tonight is the FOURTH night im gonna sleep alone.

another sleepless night?

i've been watching suspense horror movies lately.

plus, last night Billy was trying to scare the hell out of me by saying "Hey when I came over to your house just now, I heard some weird voices outside your house near the chicken's coop"

that really CREEPED the hell out of me since i was in my bedroom [Lowong's bedroom actually] and i was in the dark.

it was a really tough time trying to sleep.

oh and now look who just came back home.

it's the Lowong.

i ain't gonna open the door for her so she'll need to go through this little shop first.

serves her right.

MUAHAHAHA.

look's like it's not gonna be another sleepless night and i am surely gonna watch lots of horror movies tonight.

i've been witnessing lots of wonderful things lately.

but the camera is nowhere to be found so i couldn't take any pictures!

i need to tell you that Lowong's bugs, which are for their experiments, are still alive!

well, the rest of them are dead but there's this one bug who miraculously survived and ate the head of the other bugs!

[found the camera and took this picture this morning]

[mind you, they're a REAL one]

[the only bug who miraculously survived and ate its comrade's head]

i dont want to talk about these bugs anymore so let's talk about what i've been up to lately.
if you follow me on my Twitter, you'll know that recently i've been decorating my room.
i finally have the motivation to do so.

first of all, i decorated my door.
that's the first step in decorating a bedroom.

[recognize the ribbons? im creative admit it haha]

[i hope my mom will understand this since she always burst into my bedroom]

after that, my table and the bookshelves.

[simple yet comfortable]

i've also been trying to fill in my wardrobe.

i want it to be 100% full but it's only like 75% full since i could still move the hangers around.

*sigh*

i still need to buy some things to fill the empty spaces on the wall though.
i need more pillows.
four pillows and three blankets are still not enough.

[i put away the makeups that i rarely use]

of course, i make the bed, sweep the floor, and such things like that.
finally, i took random pictures.
i love taking pictures but i dont own a DSLR so i dont really like to take photos infront of people.

[my bedroom is the first one to witness the sunset]

[outside my window. rambutans yumyum :D]

[mangoes yumyum]

i would like to climb the tree and pick those mangoes but im still a girl and if people or cars pass me by, surely they'll be like what the hell is that girl doing above there?

[i really looked like a stalker by taking pictures over a distance like this.]

back to my room, i went to look over my old things.
they gave me this nostalgia feeling and i like it.
i love browsing through my old pictures and old things.

[my MOST beloved guitar picks]

if both of these guitar picks are missing, i will surely be sad all the time and will not live a life anymore.
you might say that im stupid because i could still buy a new one.
but you're totally wrong because both of these guitar picks are given by someone.
so they're very very very special to me.

furthermore, it's the very first time a person gave me guitar picks as a gift.
even though they're just picks, but....... bah! enough with my stupid ramblings.
all i know is, i would never ever lend these guitar picks to anyone. MUAHAHA.

i browsed through my bookshelves and i found some PMR papers.
there were some doodles that i drew as i waited for the time to pass me by.

still remember my magic book which is the Science reference book?

[these are the motivational quotes that i made by myself]

[these are actually bookmarks for every Science topic that i've studied]

[i studied every topics of Form 1, Form 2, and Form 3]

[i worked hard for a better result okay. i really do]

[my phone's screensaver. if you get what this picture means]

[i still have plenty of those tickets. only 70 people came but i made more than 80]

oh i need to tell you something.
yesterday of yesterday of yesterday's night, i went to Omegle because i was bored.
soon, i was chatting with an American guy named Mark.

we chatted for like hours and finally i decided to go to sleep.
he quickly asked me to show him a picture of me and he'll show me a picture of his.
honestly, i thought his face was ugly but actually......

HE'S CUTE!
*nosebleed*

we exchanged our emails and i found his Facebook!
[im not being a creepy stalker or anything]
on his Facebook, he's even much more handsome.

he said i should download YM and we should chat.
im gonna download it and chat with him like everyday.

ohhhh lucky me.
NGAHAHAHA.

it's too silent for me.

2011-12-04T23:12:00.003+08:00

it's the third night im spending my time alone.

i have no intention of sleeping tonight.

it's too silent.

i've always loved this peacefulness but something's just not right.

is it loneliness?

if yes, then when will this feeling stop?

i've been enduring this for a while now.

maybe i've got used to it that i've forgotten about it up until now.

now i just realised.

why and how are the main questions.

though nobody could ever answer it.

today is my lazy day and there's nothing you can do about it.

2011-12-04T14:58:00.005+08:00

to be honest, i dont even know what is the date today.

all i know is, today's Sunday.

it's not because i looked at the calendar but it's because i just cancelled the Bible Study yesterday regarding that Lowong's gonna sleep over her friend's house.

which left me TWO freaking NIGHTS sleeping alone.

i tried hard to sleep though.

in the end, i decided to sleep earlier than my parents so that if something ever try to pull me out from the bed, they'll hear my scream.

i survived the other night by texting with Marling until i fell asleep.

i owe him a big one.

ONE MONTH LEFT BEFORE SCHOOL.

last year, holiday seemed so long.

this year, holiday is terribly SHORT.

Sunday afternoon~

it's cloudy as if it's going to rain.

i dont feel like i want to do anything.

i just want to stay on this comfy couch and sleep in the darkness.

what a perfect weather to be emotional.

[HAHAHA]

i finally managed to borrow books from the library.

i tried to finish my old unfinished vampiric novel at the library but i failed.

because there were people who kept on bothering me.

for example, there was this man suddenly sat at my table, infront of me.

i know, i was like what the heck is wrong with you? this is my territory.

but im not that cruel to shoo him since he's not rude with me either.

so i let him be.

[i changed my table after his friend came along to sit at my table too]

anyway, my dad made me sang a song and he recorded it.

now he's playing it over and over and over again to adjust the equilizer such things like that.

my voice still sucks just like usual.

and i dont feel like going to bath.

it's too cold even though it's afternoon.

im not meant to be a girl, trust me.

dont worry, i am still hygenic as ever.

it's just that today is my lazy day.

yeah let's just hope that my butt wont get bigger.

my dreams are super weird lately.

last night i dreamed about Hibari Kyouya.

yes, i have a big crush over him.

*denying the fact that he's just an anime guy*

on the other hand, i just wanna tell my blog that whenever i saw his name, i'll get goosebumps.

i dont even know why.

oh gosh.

the only thing that i'll keep in my mind is,

everytime you search for me, i WON'T be there.

i wont even bother to search for you.

i've been through rough times alone and ... whatever.

rude old librarian man - pissed the hell out of me.

2011-12-02T17:15:00.003+08:00

okay so im in the library right now and there’s no WiFi here.
you might wonder how did I post this so I think I should make a brief explaination to you.
I wrote this at the library using Microsoft Word and after I get back home, I copy & paste to the blog.

Im here to tell you how RUDE that librarian is.
he was an old man working at the WiFi counter with an abnormal snort.
sorry for being rude but I wonder do you have any disease that’ll make you snort everytime you talk.

This library told us to register at the WiFi counter before we could use the WiFi.
I knew that the WiFi was closed temporarily but I wanted to register right now so that I don’t need to go through any trouble with registration later.

the only thing that I want to say is, that old freaking man is really RUDE!
he tried to humiliate me and ARGHTTTTTT!
I want to complain about you, little old snorty man.

Here’s the story.

Me : Boleh kaitu kalau sa register WiFi awal-awal?
Him : *snort* Hah? Register WiFi awal-awal? *snort* Apa maksud ko tu register WiFi awal-awal?
Me : Saya mau register WiFi.
Him : *sarcastic smile* Register….. WiFi….. Awal….. Awal… *snort*
Me : Bukan kalau sebelum guna WiFi mesti register ka? Sa mau register awal-awal la.
Him : *points to the sign saying “WiFi Closed” * *snort*
Me : Yala, tapi sa mau register awal-awal.
Him : *snort* *points to the sign again*

THE WAY HE TALKED WAS VERY RUDE.
AND THE WAY HE LOOKED AT ME.
PLUS, THERE’S A GUY AT THE COUNTER LISTENING TO OUR CONVERSATION WHILE SMILING.
AND HE LOOKED AT ME AS IF HE PITY ME.
BITCH, THERE’S NOTHING FOR YOU TO PITY.

by the time that old man want to say something again, I gave him an evil stare and while he was talking, I walked away.
he didn’t get to finish his sentence.
serves you right, bastard.
that’s what you get from being rude to me.
be rude and I’ll be a bitch that you wish you would never meet.

saya masih geram dan ingin melepaskan segala rasa malu tadi.

so im wearing a big headphone right now and am listening to hardcore songs.
whenever im angry but I cant do anything, I’ll listen to hardcore and metal songs and it helps me to release my anger a lot.

tidak beradab betul oh.
suda la ada abnormal non-stop snort snort.

first of all, why cant I register the WiFi if the WiFi is closed?
I already have the library card that you wanted afterall.
so you could just write my name and the number of my IC and register it later.
how can an old man like you be this !@#$%^&*() ?!

*snort snort*
eat your snort snort.

I bet your children are tired of your sarcastic snort snort.
I hope one day they’ll run away from home because they cant stand with your snort snort.

Jadi kau pikir kau librarian, kau bole jadi kurang adab dan tidak sopan la?

at least TALK WITH YOUR MOUTH and EXPLAIN me why in the hell I cant register earlier.
NOT WITH POINTING YOUR FINGER TO THE UGLY SIGN AND SMILE HIDEOUSLY.

don’t you know that your salary is our money?
we pay for the librarian card so you should at least respect us.
talk with us nicely and not smile sarcastically.

do you think your act is professional enough?
you’re an old man, for heaven’s sake.
if your snort snort is preventing you from talking, then there’s no need to repeat my words sarcastically.

DO YOU THINK I AM STUPID?
I am not stupid, biatch.
you’re the one who’s in a problem here for not working professionally and for not using your brain to register your customers.

!@#$%^&*()

but no, that doesn’t mean that I hate this beloved library.
instead, I love this library.
I could spend my whole day in it because there were lots of dead woods, which are books.
inspiring books and currently I am immersed in vampiric books.

last but not the least, YOU ARE RUDE.
you should do your job properly.

my left eye is red and now im a vampire - Feorin

2011-11-29T15:46:00.004+08:00

i've been infront of the screen 24/7.

the result is, my left eye becomes red.

and now im feeling super dizzy.

the air is hot and it feels like there's no space for me to breathe.

im tired and i need to sleep but there's no place for me to sleep.

i think im going to fall sick.

i hate this holiday the most.

i've got completely nothing to do except being infront of the screen.

it feels like im in a cage.

this is not the freedom that i've always wanted.

[this is my main family's Facebook]

the thing is, how in the hell did they find my page?

are they reading my blog?

if yes, then i think i'll be judged again.

humans have no rights to judge humans.

since im getting like really dizzy right now, i'll stop my rantings here.

i am one of the Vongola Family.

2011-11-28T16:35:00.008+08:00

finished watching Katekyoushi Hitman Reborn in less than one week.

with that, i am super sad.

everytime i finished watching an anime, i'll feel empty.

it's like i dont want it to finish but i want to see the happy ending.

so i am all sad right now.

my holiday is completely meaningless because im too addicted with that anime.

i even considered myself as one of the Vongola Family.

[if you haven't watch the anime yet, you wouldn't know what im talking about]

[this is my new territory. beautiful scenery]

[i am officially one of the Vongola Family]

another wasted day.

*sigh*

all i remember about today is i woke up and im gonna go to sleep later.

anyway, i made a cosplay yesterday.

i saw Lowong's "experiment coat".

so i tried it on and i looked like a freaking scientist/doctor.

either way.

i looked more mature like that but there's one thing that i forgot.

[i realised that i forgot about it just now]

this.

[if you happen to see the bottles behind me, i didnt drink them ok]

mind you, this one is a real thing.

it's my aunt's.

yeah, she's a doctor.

i really could hear my heartbeats but that thing [i dont know its name] is very tight.

if you wear it, your ears will be somewhat gripped tightly.

you know that i could easily replace you.

but you should really be grateful because the fact is, i didn't.

feo's rants and raves

i left my phone dead.

i hope this day end faster.

tomorrow is just a normal freaking day.

a THIEF stole my school shoes and socks!

those FOUR pilaks.

too busy to play games :'(

a pointless post that i'm gonna post anyway.

a kind-of-fire actually broke out and i was half-awake.

we can't keep our burdening secrets by ourselves.

i've been "sick". *poker face*

a trip to KK with my bestfriends!

is this flu? or........ bronchitis?

sudden flu.

having an unsolved problem is killing me.

it's like the world was on my shoulder.

picture explains everything.

beautifying the classroom - a boring post.

over-thinking leads to stupid thoughts

most old men are pervert.

a post dedicated to some people out there who disagree with my previous previous post.

i am tired.

thoughtless father and silent mother.

my thoughts are killing me. it's troubling me.

another tomorrow means another sorrow. i am sad as heck.

Feo, dont give up yet!

my daily schedule - will not be updating le blog everyday.

*UPDATED* another boring student's life.

Page 4 of 366.

my holiday is OVER!

what's life without some pranks?

it's the 1/1/12! :) my boring resolutions.

"Happy New Year" MY ASS. I AM NOT HAPPY.

people change & Day 9.

jealousy makes me laughing my ass off.

Day 8 : The funniest getaway.

I feel like talking a lot today. Farewell 2011 :)

i just wanna scream. so jelly.

for girls who are heartbroken, this is an advice for you :)

FINALLY! MY NEW LAYOUT :D

today is just another beginning.

i've tried.

Im having the best day ever in this year! :D

what a merry day.

honestly boring and PMR results.

at least let me blog about this for once :D

Maintenance for blog's layout changing.

if you think that an apologize is enough, SCREW YOUR BRAIN. fix it and never come back again!

short blog update - i wont let you anymore.

something very heart-breaking.

fur elise.

decorating my bedroom.

it's too silent for me.

today is my lazy day and there's nothing you can do about it.

rude old librarian man - pissed the hell out of me.

my left eye is red and now im a vampire - Feorin

i am one of the Vongola Family.

i've been "sick". poker face

UPDATED another boring student's life.